Smelly friend advice please

[Bringithere]

I met this friend about 2 years ago. I love spending time together and we can chat away about everything and anything for hours on end . Quite often she can be smelly though . She has IBS and needs the loo a lot. She showers every day but doesn’t change her trousers or leggings for days and sometimes when she has gone home, the seat where she’s sat is really smelly and I need to clean it. She has close friends who she has known for many years, so they would be in a far better position to have mentioned it if they’d had a problem with it. Can any one think of anything I can do ( either practically to protect the sofa ) or tactfully handle this ? She is such a lovely person, I’d hate to upset or embarrass her but sometimes it’s really noticeable.

I have no idea about the 'arse' smell, but have defo smelled people who's clothes had a frowsy smell to them and I think it can happen when they don't dry laundry properly and have some internalised damp. It can smell horrible. The people I know (work colleagues so not really my place to comment) seem to defo be nose blind to this issues and also shower regularly as THEY don't smell dodgy, just the clothing as far as I can tell. There may be a way of finding out about laundering clothes? Does she have a partner or anyone else in the house? Defo not worth losing a friendship over, but if it was me I would really want someone to tell me. Maybe steer away from arse comments though and just stick to something about damp on clothing?

God almighty.

I completely agree. If she's not changing her trousers (and perhaps underwear) for days at a time that will be the cause of the arse smell.

Yupp.

This with blue waffle disease and dragon butter has completed my education.

This thread has been, in equal parts, 🤣 and 🤮

Eh?

I think what it could be is kind of anal leakage, rather than actual poo - that’s what causes the ‘arse’ smell. Going on my years working in care anyway.
Perhaps she has piles or irritation caused by the ibs, and this means she isn’t ‘sealed’ as well as she should be down there and there’s a degree of leakage.
Poor her, and what a kind friend you are ! It’s a sad situation and it’s likely she doesn’t have many friends due to this, and you are looking for sensitive solutions rather than ditching her 💐

You need to just tell her. I still remember when my best friend told me some home truths about my ex-husband. I was pretty cross with her at the time but 18 years later, I realise what balls that must have taken to tell
me. We’re still friends, he’s a distant memory and I’m now happily re-married ♥️

It will be an awful conversation and you may fall out but be a good friend. Other people are probably slagging her off so help her out.

Crying at “you smell faintly of botty darling”

I would really struggle with having her in my home. The smell she leaves behind would really put me off her company - I know that makes me sound awful.

However, she can help herself OP, by changing everything she wears daily!
It is an excruciating thought to have to bring it up but I would have to or if I really couldn't then I would stop the home visits.

You have asked how to mention it. Well I wouldn't bother skirting around it by bringing up washing powder suggestions etc. I would simply say dear friend/sweetheart or whatever you usually call her, this is a bit awkward but as your friend I want only the best for you, so please take this in the best faith... I have noticed a lingering smell of number 2 when you leave and I have worried all is not ok...(or words to that effect)

If you are able to do that and she responds maturely and not in (understandable) horror you can bring up clothing.

I don't envy you having to do this, but I would have to or I couldn't have her in my home again.

Wtf 🤣🤣🤣 having IBS doesn't make you a smelly git. Not washing and not changing your clothes makes you one.

Haven’t heard that for years, I love that someone else remembers it 😀

@BaldingClare you have explained this beautifully 😂xx

do you have any friends in common, so that you could discuss with the other friend whether you bring it up together? In my experience of these things, mentioning it to her may make her realise and change her behaviour, so that she is able to solve the problem, BUT I think there is a very very high risk that she will be so mortified with you, even though she may not personally blame you for bringing it up, that she will not want to be friends any more out of sheer shame and mortification. In situations where someone has told me home truths I have found it too painful to continue interacting with them, even though it came from a kind place and was absolutely true and helped me to know the truth. The exception would be family or friends who I had known for years, then I could probably get over the shame of them having brought it up, but not a newer friend. So in the worst case you help her a lot through telling her, but you lose your friendship with her.

i didn’t know you could get a bidet attachment. What is the name of it please?

We need a league of IBS/IBD sufferers who can get together and check for things like "do I actually stink" and recommendations for good trousers to accommodate bloating 😁

I often wonder though - the threads about (almost always) men with skiddy pants etc - surely those guys must reek? But the threat of Smell Of Arse never seems to feature highly on those threads, it's just about the laundry... so how are there people with actual literal shitty keks apparently whiffless??

I should lend out my dd. She is brutally direct🤣

OP, could you risk saying something like ‘ I hope you don’t mind me saying this but we’re such good friends and if it was me I’d want to know… I sometimes notice a faint smell on your clothes. Not all the time and not strong, but I’m noticing it today. I try not to wash my clothes too often but they get the same smell if I try to get an extra day out of them especially if I’m walking a lot.’
jJust a thought.

This thread needs to go into my classics. This is hillarious.
Sorry op my amusement doesn't help you. I've never smelt arse smell either. I'd prob just get a throw. Or meet somewhere like a coffee shop.

You can't get arse smell unless you're not showering/bathing daily surely.

Me too 😩

If you're a good friend you can talk to her,better you than a stranger somewhere makes a cruel comment.
Showering every day is pointless if she's putting smelly/dirty clothes back on

My friend used to leak urine on our plastic kitchen chairs and leave a small trail of wee each time, and that was bad enough. She used to stand up, look at it and walk off 🤷‍♀️ no effort to clean it or acknowledge it. I would have to dettol the offending chair when she left. She had a faint pissy scent that used to increase in the summer. I found winter clothes it was less noticeable, I never found the courage to talk to her about it either. I just made sure we sat somewhere that could be sprayed and bleached!

😂 I must be blessed in that so far, I have not smelt this, although I have smelt other truly foul things that belong in hell, such as my cat's breath, RIP.

Ha me and DH laughed at @BaldingClare 's username just last night! You must be new Teresa, many usernames a play on someone's actual name!