Smelly friend advice please

[Bringithere]

I met this friend about 2 years ago. I love spending time together and we can chat away about everything and anything for hours on end . Quite often she can be smelly though . She has IBS and needs the loo a lot. She showers every day but doesn’t change her trousers or leggings for days and sometimes when she has gone home, the seat where she’s sat is really smelly and I need to clean it. She has close friends who she has known for many years, so they would be in a far better position to have mentioned it if they’d had a problem with it. Can any one think of anything I can do ( either practically to protect the sofa ) or tactfully handle this ? She is such a lovely person, I’d hate to upset or embarrass her but sometimes it’s really noticeable.

Indeed, OP - your poor friend is obviously not able to help her multiple loo.trips, along with the fact she is pretty much wiping her bum a lot more than average. The poor lady must be sore after too, even using wet toilet wipes and showering.

I think it's a bit difficult to avoid the smelly bum aroma wafting around after said loo trips, especially after a lot of loose bowel movements. My DD4 has had a bad reaction to her recent nasal flu spray a couple of days ago, and she had a lot of runny poo today. In spite of lots of wet wipes etc, she definitely had that "pooey bum crack" smell tonight. My DS was particularly kind and said she smelt of poo, but then he is only 6 and amused himself after with his comments 😳😅😖 I told him to stop being so unkind and making rude comments, but he had a point - she was a bit pongy.

What's the issue with the username? Are you concerned there may be people on here thinking it's the real Clare Balding on MN talking about bum cheeks

Op are you sniffing her seat when she leaves? 😆 @Bringithere

PurpleSky300. If I didn’t really enjoy her company and value her friendship, I would. But she’s just such a lovely person, Apart from the odour problem which isn’t as bad all the time, she’s a great friend. I feel I’ve known her for as long as some of my friends I really have known for donkeys years. Which is a rare thing. I’m in my 60s and think it’s a trickier time to make new friendships and know how precious they are. So I don’t feel I want this to be a deal breaker.

andfinallyhereweare, the smell was wafting up from the sofa after she left. I wasn’t deliberately sniffing about like a bloodhound 😃

This has unlocked two memories for me.

1. My Mum told me that when her grandfather in law (FIL’s dad) used to visit, she would have to put the sofa cushion out to air, so perhaps he smelt of arse. Died before I was born.
2. The thread where the poster was on a date, had a bout of ibs shits, came back and the posh date said “are you ok darling, you smell faintly of botty”. 🤣

@Bringithere

In the States we have spray bottles of stuff that remove the smell of dog & cat pee & poop accidents from carpets & furniture.
One particularly good one is called “Nature’s Miracle” and another is called “Out.”
Maybe you could find them on Amazon or in your local pet store or grocery store.
They work on stains and remarkably well on odor.
I have no idea how to approach your friend, other than to put yourself in her place — how would you like to be treated if you were her?

ThreeDoorsDown. No. 1 is exactly this. No.2 is so perfect. That’s exactly what I need to say. But don’t have the bottle of posh date person .

Kylie Marvin the sofa with a throw over. B&M have some lovely ones big enough to go over sofas.

You know someone called Balding Clare??

Is this your first time on Mumsnet?

Maybe buy her a gift: swamp ass soap.

Just kidding, of course, but I'm afraid I couldn't be friends with someone who made my furniture smell like feces, no matter how much I liked her otherwise. I find it upsetting just imagining it.

Kidding about gifting her a bar of soap, but definitely not kidding about not wanting my furniture to stink.

Next time she's there, I'd act innocent and ask with an air of mystification if she can smell shit. You could always say that your friend/sister visited with their pup and you're worried it crapped somewhere! Pretend to look for said crap and leave the question hanging when you can't find it.
Sorry, but she needs to know.

I’ve just come on to say that your username is appalling. There are millions of options, and you choose someone’s actual name. And as for your contribution….

Her 'contribution' isn't wrong though
In fact, her description of the smell is spot on.

I am fortunate to have never smelled arse

Nor had I until spending the whole of last week on a colorectal ward.

Phew!!!

Can't you just meet her in a cafe and save your poor couch?

You need a really horrendous bout of covid and then your sense of smell is permanently affected, and you won’t notice it anymore. Job done! Friendship saved.

I couldn’t deal with my home furnishings stinking of actual bum hole. So I’d be switching meet up locations to plastic only chairs in well ventilated places or keep her as a text buddy! Could I tell her she smelt pf bum hole, nope, is anyone’s friendship strong enough to withstand that?!

IBS can cause extremely smelly very frequent wind which can linger in clothing. Also oily bum excretion s which are ‘fragrant’ and penetrate clothing. If she’s not doing so already she could wear pads which can be changed during the day… there’s also Devrom, a pill that acts as an internal deodorant - not quite sure how you’d bring this up with her though 😢

Could it be the stench of her farts? Not sure what to suggest other than a throw or meet at hers?

Poo particles in farts could be landing on your home furnishings en masse each time op? Can you offer scented in continence pads with the biscuits? It will help trap some of the particles.

Artistbythewater. Oh that’s not a nice thought. The particles! A plate of biscuits and a tray of scented incontinence pads would certainly be ‘the conversation ‘starter I guess! I’m not trying to make a joke of IBS btw. I have a relative with IBD and another friend with IBS and I know what an impact these conditions have on life.

Puppy pad underneath a throw is the way to go.

I have IBS and when it's flaring I can shower or bath and change my clothes multiple times a day to keep in top of the smell.

She almost certainly knows but while there are things you can do they don't fix it.