Smelly friend advice please

[Bringithere]

I met this friend about 2 years ago. I love spending time together and we can chat away about everything and anything for hours on end . Quite often she can be smelly though . She has IBS and needs the loo a lot. She showers every day but doesn’t change her trousers or leggings for days and sometimes when she has gone home, the seat where she’s sat is really smelly and I need to clean it. She has close friends who she has known for many years, so they would be in a far better position to have mentioned it if they’d had a problem with it. Can any one think of anything I can do ( either practically to protect the sofa ) or tactfully handle this ? She is such a lovely person, I’d hate to upset or embarrass her but sometimes it’s really noticeable.

All these people exclaiming “what is this arse smell of which you speak? Why, I declare I have never once encountered such an odour…” etc: How can you say this when you HAVE AN ARSE? Have you never once skipped a shower because you were: too ill to get out of bed / too hungover / at Glastonbury for four days / boiler broke / on a 30-hour flight / just wanted to slob for a day? I don’t believe you never ONCE thought “oh, I’m a bit whiffy down there, I need a shower”.

Have you never once skipped a shower because you were: too ill to get out of bed /
Would usually smell of sweat so no.

too hungover /
Smell of alcohol, beer or other ppls vape/smoke so no.

at Glastonbury for four days /
Wouldn't be seen dead there so no.

boiler broke /
The kettle still works so no.

on a 30-hour flight /
Don't fly so no.

just wanted to slob for a day?
Still do a quick wash when cleaning teeth so no.

I don’t believe you never ONCE thought “oh, I’m a bit whiffy down there, I need a shower”.
No.

How can you say this when you HAVE AN ARSE?
It's behind me, and lower down, and nowhere near my nose. So perhaps I'm just cleaner than you 🤔

Open a packet of fridge ham slices and take a big whiff.

That's a stocking filler idea for OH sorted! Thanks 🙌

Oh my... if your ham smells like that, please don't eat it!

I called into a store that I don't usually frequent, thankfully as it turns out, a couple of weeks ago. I had to ask the lad that was filling the shelves for some help. As I followed him up the aisle, I was nearly sick. The smell from him was either arse or feet and it was overpoweringly leaving a trail behind him! Either way, it smelt like arse!
I'd say unless you're in the habit of a "poke and sniff" (I seriously knew someone who did this, regularly! Not closely, thank God! Arse, front bits, navel; anywhere a finger could poke basically 🤢) then it's a bit difficult to smell your own arse! Unless you smell really bad and spin round quick enough! 🤣

@Bringithere I’m not being funny but I would like to think that if I had an offensive odour- (for whatever reason) that my good friends would tell me- and sooner rather than later. It surely would be more humiliating to have a stranger tell your friend she smells - (and that could happen) and then for her to question why no one told her, and wonder if her so called friends had been discussing the issue amongst themselves.
Be a good friend and let her know - there are kind and gentle ways of doing so.
This post and some of the replies just reminds me of being in primary school - do better

It’s a shame that there seems no tactful way of letting your friend know as their lives would be the better for knowing.

May I ask which attachment you have please and is it any good?

I use a bum gun some times called a douche spray. Game changer, I love it 😻

Could you say something like an old friend of mine suffered with IBS and found she got very sore with all the toilet visits and wiping and she found a little drop of moisturiser (after wiping) on a tissue, wiping with that then again wipe so not "wet" really helped. She may say ill try that if not at least you've tried. Or even suggest "long pant liners", get some, and say i always use these makes me feel fresher. (Tenna do long ones) other than that, a throw doubled, and a spray.

I don't think there's any way to raise this that won't embarrass her to be honest and you would probably feel very awkward and embarrassed too. I would make sure I covered the chair/sofa with a throw before she comes round and put it in the wash after!

This is actually really bitchy and passive aggressive

I’m sorry but I just wouldn’t have her in my house. I’d meet her out somewhere for a coffee or a walk. I have a lovely friend but her house is dirty … I just don’t visit or have her to stay at mine.

🤣🤣🤣

Regrettably, she's a dirty cow. Whilst having sympathy for her medical condition, I have no sympathy with people who have poor hygiene.

I'm afraid I'd cool off the friendship and bot invite her to my home.

Also I'm assuming she's an adult and if her mother, teacher, boss haven't told her, I'd feel under no obligation to do it.

If she’s got a smelly arse, then she not wiping properly, if she’s not wiping enough, then she’s also got an itchy arse, if she’s got an itchy arse then she’s likely scratchin it, in which case she’s got poo on her fingers, if you get a throw for the sofa then make sure it’s a easy wash and dry one so you can clean it often, and don’t let her anywhere near the kitchen.

It seems your friend may need to change her pants and leggings more often. It may not be IBS that is the problem. We knew someone similarly afflicted. Also the lady may have no sense of smell so be unaware of her problem.

Although she said that about her hot water, are you sure she has her shower daily?

Very odd to be showering so frequently but then putting back on your dirty clothes day after day. She takes long walks so she probably sweats a lot which will build up the odour.

I wouldn’t know how to broach this…

I agree and comments like that rarely work anyway. If she hasn't noticed that her own body and clothes smell bad, vague comments certainly won't make her aware that there is a problem.

I suspect you're correct about the poor sense of smell. I've encountered a few people like this over the years and they almost invariably react badly if confronted, no matter how kindly, insisting that they don't have an odor problem. Even if the problem initially improves somewhat, I've never known their grooming to permanently improve.

Put a throw down with an inco sheet underneath

Now this sounds like the real Clare Balding, and as an avid radio listener, I should know, she's on almost everything, and "dear oh dear" is one of her favourite sayings !