You never know what people are going through

[Downunderduchess]

This morning I was shopping, I saw a young woman who looked really well groomed & put together, as I passed her I said how glamorous she looked for so early in the morning. She looked surprised and said thanks. I smiled and kept going. About 30 seconds later she found me and said thank you that she really needed to hear that. She looked quite emotional. I told her she was very welcome.

I quite often compliment people I see in public if they have a pretty dress on or their hair looks great etc. I’m so glad I did today especially. A little thing can mean something to someone.

Goodness, there are some odd folk in this forum!

If you don’t like a compliment that someone gives you, fine. Just smile and walk away. But the majority of people see it as a pleasantry and take no offence at all.

I’m autistic yet I cope fine with a compliment or short social exchange. To survive in the world I have to learn the social constructs, and thats on me to sort, it’s not down to other people to ‘police’ their compliments just incase someone is ND and doesn’t like it.

The poster saying they cut their hair because a man commented on its length. Would you cut your boobs off if a bloke commented on them? Some men are creeps, just move on. Changing your appearance so as to not fit into a creepy man’s preferred look is ridiculous, because there’ll be another creepy bloke round the corner who prefers short hair…

For the record, every time someone had approached me in public to give me a nice compliment on my appearance or item of clothing (not "nice tits"!), it's been lovely to feel that someone has noticed and gone out of their way to let me know they were thinking something nice. It almost seems like a it would be a waste of a nice thought not to share it!

Those of you who do this - please don't stop!

I also employ the mantra of taking things in the spirit they're intended (both ways round), which I think makes for a generally happier life - I commend it as a philosophy to the sourpusses on this thread!

Great post, much better than mine.

Oh come on. Talk about missing the context!

OP, for what it’s worth I am a random complimenter - not a lot but when appropriate - and I can say that every time the recipient has been delighted.

😂Absolutely this.

I pledge to compliment at least one stranger today and let you all know if they smile and say "thanks so much" or punch me in the face!

I try and use this mantra every single day.

the person who is driving stupidly slowly infront of me might have just been given devastating medical news and is in shock so I shouldn’t be angry.

the person who served me in the shop and was frosty and shoving my shopping at me may have just been left by their husband or wife so I should smile and tell them I hope they have a good day.

I always tell people when passing that I love their dress, hair, style etc. seeing the genuine happy reaction is priceless.

be kind people, it feels good!

Daisychain505, unfortunately, someone will probably come and post next,that you only did it to make yourself feel good. I was taught as a young child by my lovely gran ,"if you don't have something nice to say,say nothing".

Also I have received countless compliments from strangers - what a gorgeous dress, that colour is lovely on you, love your shoes, your baby is beautiful etc etc - and they have always meant something to me and in fact yes made my day

I often compliment random women and have never had a negative reaction. A while ago I was in Waitrose and a woman was pushing her adult son around in a wheelchair.

He obviously had cerebral palsy, was making noises etc.

My late son had CP too. She was interacting with him in such a loving way despite some ppl looking disapprovingly.

I'd bought myself flowers for the house, and as we were all leaving the store at the same time I gave her the flowers and told her what a lovely mum she was and had a little chat to and about her son.

She burst into tears and a kind of thought I'd done the wrong thing but she said it was lovely for her to get positive feedback from a stranger.

So it can be risky sometimes to pay a compliment it I'd say 99% of the time, it's a nice thing to do.

Can I ask the posters who are saying they find it odd to compliment strangers, do you engage in any kind of small talk at all wlth people who you don’t know?

I like to let others know if I love their outfit, bag, hair etc. It's a lovely thing to do. I bet that woman will be smiling all day, OP!

Yes. I’m very chatty with people generally, I just wouldn’t mention their appearance.

So what is harmful in striking up a conversation with "I love your boots, where did you get them?" as opposed to "When did buying toothpaste get so complicated?"

It would be interesting to see how age, careers & other demographics affect views on this. I literally talk for a living and will happily talk to anyone. I find it upsetting that so many of you would snub my 86 year old Mum who is very frail and would love to brighten someone's day by saying she likes your hat or would assume my 82 year old Dad was a potential threat because he asked about your dog as you walked past him gate. It's very sad that you find life so scary and see the worst in everyone.

It would be interesting to see how age, careers & other demographics affect views on this.

For me it's age. I remember being mortified when my mum started talking to people at the checkout and found her so embarrassing. Now I talk to strangers and (shock horror) occasionally pay a compliment.

Twice in the last couple of weeks I have been approached by a stranger in a shop and told they think I look great today. Young women both times, much younger than I. Both times I was delighted and told them so. It’s such a nice thing to do and a lovely thing to hear - I am having a rough time right now (bereavement) and it cheered me up. It’s a sad day if an innocent compliment is seen as a bad thing!

I literally talk for a living and will happily talk to anyone - This was me, too, until life cannoned me into social isolation in my fifties. I've always been a 'talker at bus stops' and ready to praise. I miss that positive buzz - and, no, it wasn't insincere; I find humanity fascinating!

Now I take what sparse opportunities I can, and make up some of the shortfall with you Thieves Of Joy, vipers, crackpots, tragedies and Marvellous Women on the Web.

My friend stayed with me for a few days, I'm in NI and she's English....she bought the most georgous boots and said she got compliments everywhere, she was so chuffed.

I really can't understand why some on here think it's a negative thing, life can be shite and if a little thing gives someone a smile what on earth is the issue?

What grates with me is that this woman received kindness and a compliment because she was “well put-together” ie attractive.

Some people are going through a really tough time and don’t look so great so are apparently not deserving of a kind word.

It comes down to women always being judged on their appearance. As one of life’s ugly bugs, I’ve been through times when I’ve looked a mess! A kind word might have helped.

On the whole, I’ve looked better when I’ve been feeling better and that’s been when I’ve had compliments. People are so shallow.

Oh Fgs. I have many accomplishments. But how is a random stranger supposed to know about them?

That is the absolute exact opposite of what’s been “agreed” on this thread!

I personally wouldn't comment on someone's body (beautiful/tall/slim/weight loss etc.), but I would about "things" (gorgeous coat/boots/earrings/eye shadow colour etc.). That's because to me it feels wrong to openly admit to looking at people's bodies. It's less personal to compliment people on style choices. I would include hair in this although I know some people would see that as something personal rather than a style choice.

Some people are going through a really tough time and don’t look so great so are apparently not deserving of a kind word.

@LoneAndLoco

What exactly would you like a passing stranger to say in regard to your not-great appearance? “Cheer up, it’ll get better”? I’m sure that will go down well.

My DH is currently very ill in hospital. I've made a conscious effort to say something nice to anyone I've been in a lift with, stood next to whilst waiting to pay in the car park or to the staff carrying for him tonight. Every single one has engaged, even if it's only a smile and a few words back. I'm living in the real world where nobody thinks I'm going to stab them and, yes, it makes me feel good too, despite my life being turned upside down last week.

I'm sorry to hear that and glad you're finding some bright spots. What a lovely way to choose to react to a difficult time.

I think you may have missed all the examples in this very thread about people deliberately saying kind things to people struggling with young children, or the woman who gave a mother of an older boy with CP the flowers she had just bought herself.

I'd place money that the people guilty of the great crime of Drive-by Complimenting are the same people who would offer a tissue and a kind word to someone with a cold or check on someone crying on public transport.

It's just that this thread so happens to be centred around the topic of giving little compliments to strangers, and in that scenario you can only compliment what you can see in front of your face!