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You never know what people are going through

237 replies

Downunderduchess · 12/11/2024 23:11

This morning I was shopping, I saw a young woman who looked really well groomed & put together, as I passed her I said how glamorous she looked for so early in the morning. She looked surprised and said thanks. I smiled and kept going. About 30 seconds later she found me and said thank you that she really needed to hear that. She looked quite emotional. I told her she was very welcome.

I quite often compliment people I see in public if they have a pretty dress on or their hair looks great etc. I’m so glad I did today especially. A little thing can mean something to someone.

OP posts:
TheKneesOfTheBees · 13/11/2024 06:55

Yeah, a woman complimented me on what I was wearing a week or so after my DM died, it felt like just the right thing to say at a difficult time. I often compliment women too, so maybe it's karma!

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 13/11/2024 07:04

freshlaundrysmell · 13/11/2024 06:51

Clearly the poster who claimed to nearly black out and be so offended over a compliment about their hair that they went home and cut it off could have hidden the thread if actually being nice is so offensive, but they kept coming back to up the anti so everyone should think as they do, which btw is far more offensive

Indeed- I am laughing at the hypocrisy of labelling a compliment as not nice and then having a go at the OP for it. Surely having a go isnt very "nice" either?

Or, is it only the OP who is obliged to "be nice" then and not them?

Well given not being nice makes them happy it could be argued that they’re getting what they want.

People talk about how there’s no such thing as community any more, how it’s everyone out for themselves.

People question how someone can see someone who is in trouble rather than helping them, or fail to help a lost toddler. And the answer is that it’s because of people like that poster who believes we should see all human interaction as a threat.

DiscoBeat · 13/11/2024 07:05

What would you have done had the compliment been about your eyes???? 😵

😂

Dearover · 13/11/2024 07:07

I find it very sad that people's worlds are so narrow that they find a simple "I love that dress, where did you get it?" a threat, but are happy to live their lives in a tiny bubble supplemented by online interactions which may well be far more dangerous.

Perhaps if more people smiled when they are going about their everyday business (even if struggling inside), asked the delivery guy if they were feeling the cold, spoke to the person next to then in the queue for a coffee or had a chat with someone in a hospital lift, the world would feel less threatening. Let's go back to the days where people interacted with others and felt part of a community, instead of believing that Tik Tok & Instagram are real and everyone else is a potential threat.

mitogoshigg · 13/11/2024 07:13

By being friendly, it doesn't have to be about looks, can be very mundane, it can really brighten people's day and help. Queuing at the pharmacy I spoke to the lady next to me, moaning about the queue actually, and we chatted for ar10 minutes waiting, afterwards in the car park she thanked me as that was the first conversation she'd had with someone for 2 weeks that wasn't buying something in a shop, I exchanged numbers with her a d said why not meet for a coffee, hasn't happened yet as only a week later.

Just talking to someone is often well received but read their body language so if not receptive, stop.

MushMonster · 13/11/2024 07:15

GoldCat255 · 12/11/2024 23:40

Although you may have had the best intentions, it is not polite to compliment someone that you don't know. Compliments from strangers can sometimes feel intrusive..

They may wonder if there's an ulterior motive, (scammer, etc...).
Also, if you live in diverse town or area what seems like a compliment in one culture could be inappropriate or offensive in another.

There we go!
OP, well done to you for sharing a sweet time with this lady!

On the other hand, we are not longer allowed to speak our mind. Be it to compliment a dress, general style, try to connect with someone by asking questions about them, certain ( perfectly normal) sentences in emails.... ( list too long!). All that is cancelled. To appease the AI bots with human appearance that walk amongst us..... But, if you identify as woke, you can ASSUME that anything a second party says will offend a third party. You then must tell the second party off and kindly held the hand of the third one. Nevermind it actually looked like they were connecting and having some fun. Not that you would notice that, though, because you have no other feelings other than righteousness.
I refuse to be woke or just a plain robbot!

MushMonster · 13/11/2024 07:18

Dearover · 13/11/2024 07:07

I find it very sad that people's worlds are so narrow that they find a simple "I love that dress, where did you get it?" a threat, but are happy to live their lives in a tiny bubble supplemented by online interactions which may well be far more dangerous.

Perhaps if more people smiled when they are going about their everyday business (even if struggling inside), asked the delivery guy if they were feeling the cold, spoke to the person next to then in the queue for a coffee or had a chat with someone in a hospital lift, the world would feel less threatening. Let's go back to the days where people interacted with others and felt part of a community, instead of believing that Tik Tok & Instagram are real and everyone else is a potential threat.

Edited

Exactly.
None of these interactions have any danger associated with them!
But by using the internet (while using mumsnet), I am putting myself in quite a danger, daily. So, I do not get it......

Daschund1 · 13/11/2024 07:19

CroysantNotKwason · 12/11/2024 23:32

Well OP has no idea how many times she might have upset someone with her comments but they've been too polite to say to her. She's presuming that she brightens someone's day when she quite often compliments people.

It's lovely that it was appreciated by the woman today but I don't think it's something to be encouraged.

I don't think we live in the same world, thankfully.

Intheoldendays · 13/11/2024 07:19

Jesus christ, some people are so incredibly joyless. A few years ago, a woman walked past me and said, 'I love your dress!' She didn't say it to offend or embarrass me, she liked it and wanted to tell me...it happens so rarely- probably because I live in a middle class city dull of terrified mumsnetters who never answer their door and hate everyone, that I've never forgotten it.

It would be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic

Lentilweaver · 13/11/2024 07:20

Lord. MN is so full of miserable misanthropes who are both absoutely terriified of talking to strangers and also have to moan about other people doing so

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 13/11/2024 07:25

MaidOfAle · 13/11/2024 00:04

I can imagine a time: White Van Man shouting "nice tits" as he drives past.

Or indeed any time that a man has commented on my appearance.

It’s been so long time since I’ve had something like that at this stage I think I’d take the compliment 😂

Pickled21 · 13/11/2024 07:27

I once told a woman her blouse really suited her. It was a lovely colour on her. She told me where she got it from, smiled and said she was taking a chance experimenting with colours she wouldn't usually wear. I went for a coffee after dh and I had been to a wedding in the afternoon and the server told me my eyemakeup was amazing. I thanked her and was really chuffed.

BeyondMyWits · 13/11/2024 07:29

Twenty seven years ago I went with now DH to Florida. We were wandering round Disney, tired, sweaty but smiley... and a lovely lady came right up to me and said "You look amazing in that dress" I still feel good when I think of it. Twenty seven years later.

freshlaundrysmell · 13/11/2024 07:32

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 13/11/2024 07:04

Well given not being nice makes them happy it could be argued that they’re getting what they want.

People talk about how there’s no such thing as community any more, how it’s everyone out for themselves.

People question how someone can see someone who is in trouble rather than helping them, or fail to help a lost toddler. And the answer is that it’s because of people like that poster who believes we should see all human interaction as a threat.

Yes well said. I also agree that the people being negative towards the OP actually enjoy being unpleasant.

Lentilweaver · 13/11/2024 07:32

Oh I am from another culture and no , I don't get offended if someone compliments me in a nice way.

What a joyless bunch of dementors.

GoodGollyMsMolly · 13/11/2024 07:37

Wow some people are so negative. I will always remember a man complimenting me when I was trying a hat in ASDA. It's been 7-8 years and I still think of it whenever I put it on.

OneDandyPoet · 13/11/2024 07:46

GoldCat255 · 12/11/2024 23:40

Although you may have had the best intentions, it is not polite to compliment someone that you don't know. Compliments from strangers can sometimes feel intrusive..

They may wonder if there's an ulterior motive, (scammer, etc...).
Also, if you live in diverse town or area what seems like a compliment in one culture could be inappropriate or offensive in another.

Just take the compliment. It’s ok.

Whoyergonnacall · 13/11/2024 07:53

I compliment and like being complimented. I remember awkwardly watching as a teenager how easily my mother could interact with anyone and elicited warmth and good feeling. She still does and I love being around it. Its starting to become effortless for me too as I age.

People that dislike compliments are disproportionately represented on this thread. I wonder how they experience life more generally? I’m not being facetious by suggesting it’s a clue that you need help as you may be a bit stuck or feel validated by other people who are equally in a bad place.

“Love your shoes” is the mildest end of possible interactions and it’s inevitable that you will encounter less welcome interactions e.g
A small child starts an unwanted conversation with you on a bus?
You are walking down a street and a stranger accidentally bumps into you?
A stranger offers you a seat on the bus as they think you are pregnant or look older than you are?
People disagree with you or mock you on the internet?
You get cat called by builders?
A driver cuts you up and is aggressive?

Edingril · 13/11/2024 07:57

So everyone 100% agrees on what a compliment is, and it never being creepy?

So anywhere a person is every single time a compliment is given 'oh just accept it it's a compliment' no matter who is giving it?

DoreenonTill8 · 13/11/2024 08:00

freshlaundrysmell · 13/11/2024 07:32

Yes well said. I also agree that the people being negative towards the OP actually enjoy being unpleasant.

Oh they seem to enjoy me-railing what's essentially a lovely, positive thread and being absolute dementors as pp has said!

CheekyHobson · 13/11/2024 08:00

Edingril · 13/11/2024 07:57

So everyone 100% agrees on what a compliment is, and it never being creepy?

So anywhere a person is every single time a compliment is given 'oh just accept it it's a compliment' no matter who is giving it?

That’s not what everyone is saying and you know it.

Most compliments are well intended; start from that point. If the compliment is followed by something that makes you feel uncomfortable, respond as you will.

I will never take “Nice tits!” yelled from a car as being a compliment, but I am extremely unlikely to ever take “Lovely pants!” said with a smile from a passing stranger or workmate as a threat.

Lentilweaver · 13/11/2024 08:01

Edingril · 13/11/2024 07:57

So everyone 100% agrees on what a compliment is, and it never being creepy?

So anywhere a person is every single time a compliment is given 'oh just accept it it's a compliment' no matter who is giving it?

Obviously not. A man shouting " Nice tits" or your co worker saying " Wow sexy legs" is not a compliment. Also I never mention people's weight loss because some dont like it, or it could be due to illness etc.

But none of this applies to OP. And surely adults can figure this out instead of just never speaking to strangers.

Deathraystare · 13/11/2024 08:11

CroysantNotKwason · 12/11/2024 23:32

Well OP has no idea how many times she might have upset someone with her comments but they've been too polite to say to her. She's presuming that she brightens someone's day when she quite often compliments people.

It's lovely that it was appreciated by the woman today but I don't think it's something to be encouraged.

Jesus Christ!

I can be a miserable cow at times but although I do say I am not looking out for compliments particularly from men, if someone says they like what I am wearing or, as often happens, likes the colour of my lipstick that is not something to be offended by!

I do regularly say if people look nice.

Nannyfannybanny · 13/11/2024 08:12

I compliment people a lot! Was waiting to pay at a cash machine in a local town,there was a lady, guessing at least late 60s, probably older, she loved fabulous, especially her long blonde hair. I told her, she thanked me, said she had just had it done. Walking the dogs on the beach, recently, the tide was out,I'm wearing the dog walking stuff and wellies,there was an older lady wearing a midi length floral skirt,t shirt,lacey cardigan and raffia bag,bare feet. She looked amazing and I told her,we got chatting about our dogs. I always feel like a rag bag,in our local council elections, I was representing a local candidate, standing outside the poling station with my rosette and clip board,a couple came up, the man came over, said he had garment factories till he retired,that I looked fantastic,my outfit was very well thought out, and perfectly co ordinated. It made my day! I was night nursing many years, I didn't take offence at make colleagues saying I looked nice, good for my age or the patients. The only time I was negative, although it actually was quite funny, I worked on a stroke ward, was with the Dr,chap paralyzed down one side,dr wanted him turned over,he grabbed my boob, with his "good" hand,I said "what you think you are doing"? He said "you don't mind do you"? I said "actually I do". He let go,we carried on with the examination and laughed at it in the staff room. We often had people with brain tumours and they can exhibit sexual and very uninhibited behaviour, they cannot help it.

Nannyfannybanny · 13/11/2024 08:13

The stroke patient grabbed my boob, not the Dr!!