You never know what people are going through

[Downunderduchess]

This morning I was shopping, I saw a young woman who looked really well groomed & put together, as I passed her I said how glamorous she looked for so early in the morning. She looked surprised and said thanks. I smiled and kept going. About 30 seconds later she found me and said thank you that she really needed to hear that. She looked quite emotional. I told her she was very welcome.

I quite often compliment people I see in public if they have a pretty dress on or their hair looks great etc. I’m so glad I did today especially. A little thing can mean something to someone.

Sadly, you get creeps every where, but i genuinely believe that for the majority of the time the compliments given are genuine and sincere.

You genuinely need therapy. Or avoid events where you might see people. Fainting? Risk assessing your surroundings? All became somebody complimented your unusually long hair. I recently lost my hair for the second time due to chemotherapy and as it's growing back one of the nicest comments anyone could make to me right now would be to say that my hair looked nice.

If I like someone's shoes or jumper or perfume l am absolutely going to tell them if there's a sensible opportunity. I'm a 56 year old woman, not a 20 year old man trying to pick them up. I'm not going to tell them they look hot or I want to shag them, but it is nice to tell people you appreciate their style or taste. I remember a man stopping me in the street, telling me he was a hairdresser, and asking me what products I used as my hair looked amazing. I couldn't stop swishing it about for the rest of the day!

Recently I told a young dad travelling alone with a toddler on the Eurostar that his toddler was incredibly well behaved. Because he was! Oddly dad was thrilled rather than taking offence, blacking out, or storming off in umbrage.

Outside MN people dont hate each other, like a bit of nice chat and love compliments.

It's a discussion forum. You choose to post here and consent to other people replying when you do. It's not comparable to nipping to the shop and then having someone unilaterally decide that they want to talk to you based on your choice of trousers.

Ultimately, this whole thread can be divided into two camps: those who think it's OK to impose a non-essential conversation on random women because we have the nerve to exist in public, and those who think that women have the right to be left in peace and aren't prepared to intrude even for a "nice" reason. I'm in the latter camp.

I said ‘well done’ to a young woman who was shopping in Iceland and doing her best to ignore the tantrum her little girl was having. She thanked me, trying not to cry, and told me that people had been making comments about it or giving her filthy looks. When I walked away I noticed that she managed to distract her daughter and calm her down. Life isn’t always easy and a compliment or kind remark can make a big difference to someone’s day.
My husband died in March and I am struggling to keep going without him. I go out every morning and I try to be cheerful. I bought a bright pink coat and though it doesn’t reflect how I am feeling, it has meant that five strangers so far have commented on it. ( Two within about 30 seconds of each other) Never underestimate the power of a small compliment.

Ultimately, this whole thread can be divided into two camps: those who think it's OK to impose a non-essential conversation on random women because we have the nerve to exist in public, and those who think that women have the right to be left in peace and aren't prepared to intrude even for a "nice" reason. I'm in the latter camp.
Nah, I think this thread can be divided into those who think 'how lovely' and dramatic, self involved, me railers, who for a bizarre super self centred reason, think they are a focal point for other people!

Yep. Real main character syndrome here.

@IridescentRainbow I love pink coats and have often thought of complimentng them. But in Central London you need to pick your moment. Sorry for your loss. I hope the coat helps in a small way.

And isn’t it interesting that you remember this years later? Her remark was a nice thing, and obviously meant something to you.

The one thing I always do, is when I see a baby, I give it a big smile (always a bonus when they smile back) and then say something like “what an adorable/sweet/happy little baby”

I remember the very first time I took my son out, I lifted him out of the car and someone walking past said “oh your baby is just gorgeous!” and that has stayed with me for 14 years!

This thread has made me think that I should offer compliments more often though. It will make most people happy and piss off miserable people and give them something to complain about, which they like, so everyone’s a winner!

People question how someone can see someone who is ino trouble rather than helping them

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-65569357 might help explain this.

or fail to help a lost toddler

People are scared to be accused of being a paedophile.

it’s because of people like that poster

Nope, it's because trying to help someone can backfire on you.

It's a discussion forum, you start your thread, you don't get to control how it turns out.

I think "you look nice today" is unlikely to offend anyone.

It's not commenting on weight (I've had strangers "compliment" me on my low weight before and I don't appreciate it), or health, or age, nor it is being sexual.

I think you'd have to be working really hard to get annoyed at such a comment.

Only on Mumsnet would people take offence from an innocent compliment.

I remember a lady complementing me on my hair in the supermarket once. I was a little surprised but apparently people would love to have curly hair. I was surprised because I had done nothing to it and had just left it that day.

Every time I went into Waitrose, the girl on the till would always say how nice my hair was and how nice it smelt (I do miss Kerastase's old curl products).

If someone is a bit glammed up in some way, a well placed compliment can be lovely. Clearly there are exceptions....if dressed for a funeral etc. I'm obsessed with hair colour and frequently compliment strangers if I think their hair colour is good. I've never once had anything other than a genuinely positive response.

Men raping women who compliment or help them is quite a rare event and not a reason to never talk to anyone, ever. Certainly not to be compared to complimenting a co worker on her coat! 🙄

I think a compliment like "you look great" or "I love your boots" can be nice.

"You look glamorous for so early in the morning" sounds a bit backhanded, like you might've been trying to make a point about how she was overdressed or overly made up. I've been called glamorous before and I don't take it particularly positively. It sounds like this woman did, though, so that's fortunate!

What if they're screaming bloody murder? 😅

Of course, there's nothing to stop people me-railing with absolutely irrelevant posts! Crack on!

Then you say 'gosh what healthy lungs!' Like I got yesterday.. 😆

@maidofale

"It comes back to this reasoning:

If I compliment someone and that upsets them, I've done harm.
If I don't compliment someone who would have liked it, I've done no harm.
The safest option is not to do it."

I don't agree with this logic.

The number of stories I've stumbled across over the years of people who were contemplating suicide or outgrow falling into the pits of depression who say they were lifted up at just the right moment by a kind word from a stranger militates against your simplistic view here.

That's an extreme example at the other end of the scale to your extreme example of your reaction.

The fact that a kind word might save someone from suicide dies not mean we are all obliged to go around complimenting people in the off-chance we'll save a life, any more than we're obliged not to say nice things to people on the unlikely off-chance they'll faint from fear. Both things are so unlikely and outside the norm that you simply can't base day-to-day behaviour on them.

I'm so sorry for your terrible experiences - it's clear you've been robbed off so much and on such a long-term basis and I'm angry for you.

In the kindest way possible, the world and its pro-social norms are not going to change for you so I sincerely hope that you find a way to adapt to it in a way that leads you to a happy, peaceful life.

I quite often get nice comments on my clothes. To the horror of MN I'm sure I wear really bright stuff, funky patterns, dinosaur jumpers, etc. and they seem to spark conversations with strangers. I think it's nice, I wear them because I find them cheerful and they make me happy, and it's nice to know other people feel cheerful looking at them!

Then I play it by ear a bit! If she looks stressed I might say “one of those days huh?” but normally a wry but friendly smile suffices.

I was in a restaurant in America before I had kids and there was a kid having such a tantrum, and the man in the next booth just leant over and said “we’ve all been there - you’re doing a great job” and then all the booths surrounding us with kids kind of spoke up with “yep - us too honey” “keep up the good work” and I just thought “god Americans can be so bloody lovely”. I just imagined the disapproving looks and tuts you would get in the U.K.

Only here could a lovely comment from one woman to another be turned into psycho Penis welding maniacs 🤣

Op please keep doing it. If I'm packing my shopping and like someone's nails I will say so, it usually gets a big smile.

I was looking in a shop window a few weeks ago and a lady passing said 'what a beautiful summer dress', it made my day and while it didn't occur to me I might give someone a panic attack, I think tye amount of positive outcomes from doing it very much outweigh the negative, so I've started to do the same if I particularly like someone's boots, jacket, perfume or whatever. So far it's brought beaming smiles.

Happy World Kindness Day!