You never know what people are going through

[Downunderduchess]

This morning I was shopping, I saw a young woman who looked really well groomed & put together, as I passed her I said how glamorous she looked for so early in the morning. She looked surprised and said thanks. I smiled and kept going. About 30 seconds later she found me and said thank you that she really needed to hear that. She looked quite emotional. I told her she was very welcome.

I quite often compliment people I see in public if they have a pretty dress on or their hair looks great etc. I’m so glad I did today especially. A little thing can mean something to someone.

I don't often give compliments to people I do not know (as in, I don't make it on my list to do to make the world a happier place, I am too socially awkward for that) but if I see something that I like, and the situation is right, then I tell them. I had my bloods taken today by a lovely lady in the hospital, it was a 5 minute job, but while I was waiting for her to sort out the stuff, I noticed her coat and bag on the peg by the door, and she had an unusual sparkly sequin type backpack that I really liked. I said so. Turned out it was her daughters backpack who had "grown out of it" and she decided to recycle it as her own. We then had a one minute tops conversation about "stuff you recycle from your daughter as your own" while she was taking my bloods. It was a nice conversation, it distracted me from the matter in hand, and weird though it sounds it made the whole process seem like a chat with a friend rather than a medical process. If your comment is genuine, and the situation is OK, then I can't see the harm. If they close it down immediately, you would know you were over-stepping, and would say no more. Most of the time, if it is genuine, it opens up a conversation which is nice for both parties. I don't really get why there is so much angst on this thread.

I've had random women say "Love your dress" etc but I slightly wonder if they are taking the piss when I don't know them at all.

This.

But also if someone compliments me id take it as an insult that they think im so insecure that i need a compliment. Sounds mad to most.
Maybe ive spent too much time with vunerable insecure people.

And a rape victim i know was complimented on her skirt by a man, she didnt take it as a compliment. it was s trigger and it was not ok apparently to bash him on the head with her handbag 😬

I’m happy to chat to people I don’t know but I don’t like people commenting on my appearance. I’ve had women I don’t know ask where I got an item of clothing from or what perfume I’m wearing, which I’m fine with, but it’s different to comment on how someone looks that you don’t know.

Its strange that you do it often, it comes across a bit Mr Collins like.

The fact that you’ve posted this here seems that it’s more about you wanting to be perceived as good and to have people tell you how wonderful you are, and less about making someone else feel good.

SharpOpalNewt

I've had random women say "Love your dress" etc but I slightly wonder if they are taking the piss when I don't know them at all.
I used to have to get daily bus tickets. I hit two buses to work and two home and when I was getting off the second bus I’d offer the ticket to people and a lot would squint their eyes at me as if assesssing whether I’d kidnap them (I was a 21 yo girl) or was prancing them. It generally took a few goes before I found someone who’d brightly thank me! Same now with used parking tickets, people are so wary!

Absolutely not about me. Of course I knew that it might be taken that way by some people, I can’t help that. I made the post because it struck me how emotional it felt when this woman caught up to me and expressed that she needed to hear something positive. It was a lovely human exchange. That is what I wanted to share. People commenting here from their own perspective may not feel the same way and that’s okay, but I don’t feel bad about communicating with people, I’m not walking around randomly yelling things out to startle or accost anyone.

Fucking hell, people can suck the joy out of anything, can't they?

I have a pair of truly beautiful green trousers that I adore and obviously a lot of other people feel the same way about them as I have had numerous unsolicited comments about how lovely they are from people, including total strangers.

I always enjoy them, not because I am desperately insecure in myself or need my love for my trousers validated by other people but because I also enjoy seeing a really well-put together outfit or a beautiful piece of clothing that brightens up the city street - it literally gives me a happy feeling - and I appreciate that the people who were moved to make the comment obviously felt that same small burst of pleasure from my fabulous green pants.

OP, please don't let the sad sacks, misanthropes and grinches on this thread put you off from sharing a little joy in future!

I agree with all of this.

Mr Collins 😂

You're missing the point....🤦‍♀️

Fuck sake. Only on Mumsnet can someone be discouraged from complimenting people. There's literally videos all over the internet about how it makes people's day! Let's fuck all them for the 0.000001% who would find it weird.

Well done you . In a world where lots of people are striugglibg with self esteem and life's quite hard as well a lots of social media to deal with . It's lovely to say something positive to another .

I do it and won't stop . If someone says nice things to me it can really bolster my day

We were in a shop a few years ago and my little girl said she loved the perfume a women was wearing. I said why don’t you tell her and ask what it is. Nooooo mum! So I did it for her and the women was delighted. We stood and chatted for 5 mins and she said we had made her day.

It’s never, or very rarely, bad to make a nice comment to someone.

Then what are we left with though? A society that does not and cannot communicate? Where there is no sense of community. Where we all go about our own business with only small meaningless interactions at the cash desk…in fact use the self serve check out and avoid people all together.

I was chatting with my neighbour at the weekend and I spotted a young woman coming down the road wearing the most amazing dungarees. I pointed her out to my neighbour and said I was going to tell her how fab I thought they were.

My neighbour was horrified and hissed at me that I absolutely must not make any such comment.

Well, I did, and the woman's face lit up and she literally bounced down the road.

What on earth is wrong with complimenting people?

I think you can try to chat to others you don’t know about more general topics to gain a sense of community. They can then choose to chat or not. By commenting on appearance, it’s too personal for some people and you’re making them the topic of conversation.

Ignore the fun suckers. A couple of years ago I told a woman that she looked fabulous in her white jeans. She really did! She said I’d made her day. Turns out she was from Texas and we now email quite regularly.

I often comment on something lovely, the amount of people who have lit up and thanked me is amazing. I think overall, a person who would say (and notice) a nice brooch or hat, is the type of person who is observant and emotionally tuned in, and would pick up if it would not be welcomed. I don’t think I would say anything at all if I thought that my words could make someone faint.

Aww, this is lovely. 💐 I’m with you 100%, give compliments and trust that it will be received in the way intended.

That's lovely OP. I do this too and have had lovely remarks back from strangers on how happy it has made them. I've had it said once to me by a stranger too and it put such a big smile on my face.

A friend told recently that I always compliment and make people feel good about themselves. I didn't realise I did this as I'm always honest, if I like something I say but I was pleased she had noticed and told me. I kind of try to love by the rule that if I think something nice I should try to say it aloud if I can.

In a world where you can be a drain or a radiator, it sounds like OP is a radiator emitting positive energy and happiness.

I think those that have responded negatively on this thread really need to think about what they find so triggering about OP's post. As with most things in life, your response probably says more about you than OP. OP has simply said that a stranger looked smart and well turned out for that time in the morning. She hasn't mentioned anything personal such as weight or anything that could be seen as creepy or back handed. The drains on this thread are looking to be offended and to stamp out joy.

Absolute classic MN

Only on mumsnet is being nice considered to be wrong. But then clearly there some people who aren’t happy unless others are as miserable as they are.

Clearly the poster who claimed to nearly black out and be so offended over a compliment about their hair that they went home and cut it off could have hidden the thread if actually being nice is so offensive, but they kept coming back to up the anti so everyone should think as they do, which btw is far more offensive.

Clearly the poster who claimed to nearly black out and be so offended over a compliment about their hair that they went home and cut it off could have hidden the thread if actually being nice is so offensive, but they kept coming back to up the anti so everyone should think as they do, which btw is far more offensive

Indeed- I am laughing at the hypocrisy of labelling a compliment as not nice and then having a go at the OP for it. Surely having a go isnt very "nice" either?

Or, is it only the OP who is obliged to "be nice" then and not them?

Either way, I don't see every 'penis owner', as you put it, as gearing up to deploy a 'rape weapon' against me simply because they said something nice about how I look. And if I say to one of my male colleagues at work "Oh, I like your shirt, it's a very summery pattern!", it's likewise not because I'm trying to snare him in my pussy-trap. sorry but this made my day 🤣🤣🤣