Just turned around and walked out of friends house. May have over reacted!

[SafeMouse]

Me (5'0 female) has a good friend (6'2 male). Every few weeks I go to his house for a few drinks and a catch up. This has been going on since 2019. We bubbled together during lockdown as we are both in single households.

Every summer I walk down to his. Its across the otherside of town about a 25 min walk. Part of the way is through a bit of a badly lit seedy area. When it starts to get dark I get an uber. Have for 5 years.
EVERY single bloody year when I start getting ubers I get 'lazy' jokes and teasing. I have patiently explained why I'm not comfortable walking in the dark. I have explained it in the context of Sarah Everard. I have made light of it. I have got annoyed. I've snapped. I've even had the uber drop me off a street away so he doesn't see.

Got to his tonight and get the 'haha, I saw the uber, feeling lazy today are we'?
I put my coat back on and walked out.
I'm now sitting in the pub at the end of his road wondering whether
A) go back and explain again for the 50th time why I don't walk in dodgy areas in the dark
B) order an uber and go back home.

I'm a little bit thinking I've overreacted but it's been the same joke for 5 sodding years with obviously no attempt to understand.

Does he never do the journey to you ?

If he feels so safe walking in the dark suggest he walks to yours til spring and then you revert back - someone in that position should be concerned and not attacking you for trying to keep safe

No, you have not over-reacted and I would go home if I were you.

No darling you haven't overreacted. He's full of male entitlement and ignorance and he's not listening to you. You are quite justified in feeling pissed off with him.
What you do next I'm not sure, maybe wait and see if he's got the guts to reflect and apologise?
Have a lovely peaceful evening. Don't let it get to you if you can help it.

Does he have a mother or sisters? Does he have any common sense even?
He sounds totally unaware of how women have to keep themselves safe.

I'd go for B- you've tried over and over to make him understand you don't feel safe walking after dark and all you get is the same crappy joke about being lazy.

No, you’ve not overreacted. You’ve reacted, I just think as women we’re not ‘supposed too’.

Why doesn’t he go to your place?

I wonder if this always happening at his place is another element of his outlook.

He can piss off with the lazy shit.

Totally understand why you want to keep yourself safe. Maybe he just doesn't get why it feels vulnerable to walk through an area don't feel safe in. Also, a shame he wouldn't think to walk half way with you.

I think I'd go home and give him a call and point out how vulnerable you feel. You appreciate he doesn't have the same concerns, but would like to think he'd respect how you feel.

Well he sounds like an idiot so no, you're not over reacting. Why were you friends with him for so long? He must have had other stupid opinions?

Has he texted you since you left?

You haven't overreacted.
Take an Uber home.

Don't go again until / unless he apologises for his willful and insulting stupidity.

I find it really insensitive when men willfully forget that walking home alone in the dark is risky for women.

More interesting though is that I know many men who say they feel nervous about walking alone in the dark in bad areas...why not ask your friend to start walking to yours for the next 5 years OP? And every time he doesnt call him lazy!

He Sounds a total tool. I don't think I'd bother paying for another Uber (ever )to see him again.

Can he come over to you instead ?
That's if you can bear to stay friends with him that is

No you have asked and explained that it annoys you.

Let him apologise and don't accept anything less

You have not over reacted. I would say nothing. If he cares about the friendship hopefully the penny will have finally dropped and he will come grovelling.

If not; he’s no friend - and he’s part of the problem.

Has he messaged you since you walked out?

Why does he never come to yours and it's always you going to his?

The answer to these two questions would be the decider for me as to whether he is just clueless or actually a selfish idiot. I suspect it's the latter since you've already explained to him previously.

It's not an overreaction when you have explained it to him so often and yet he doesn't seem to get it.

The only thing left to say to him, if you choose to, is something along the lines of:

"I'm sick and tired of you mocking my attempts to keep myself safe."

I would just go home and that would be it.

B.

He sounds like an idiot, but he probably thinks he is funny. Did he miss the recent coverage of Saoirse Ronan reminding male actors how women have to be aware of the threat of male violence all the time?

This.

No, you haven't over reacted. You're fed up of trying to explain to him, and so don't want to spend time with him.

Is this the only thing he's a dick about?

Glad you're keeping yourself safe. You shouldn't have to but, hey, we do.

You haven't overreacted. Go home.

Why I always go to him? Good question! I used to work his part of town so would call on the way home from work. Now I'm WFH so jot convienience but habit. He does occasionally come here but I mostly go there. Also he's a lot wealthier and buys nice wine 🤣

If I asked him to meet me/walk with me he 100% would. But I could wait until the end of the sun before it would occur to him. But I don't mind getting an uber, it's less than a fiver and seems the obvious solution.

And no, he's not usually a prick. He just seems to be willfully deaf on this issue.