Just turned around and walked out of friends house. May have over reacted!

[SafeMouse]

Me (5'0 female) has a good friend (6'2 male). Every few weeks I go to his house for a few drinks and a catch up. This has been going on since 2019. We bubbled together during lockdown as we are both in single households.

Every summer I walk down to his. Its across the otherside of town about a 25 min walk. Part of the way is through a bit of a badly lit seedy area. When it starts to get dark I get an uber. Have for 5 years.
EVERY single bloody year when I start getting ubers I get 'lazy' jokes and teasing. I have patiently explained why I'm not comfortable walking in the dark. I have explained it in the context of Sarah Everard. I have made light of it. I have got annoyed. I've snapped. I've even had the uber drop me off a street away so he doesn't see.

Got to his tonight and get the 'haha, I saw the uber, feeling lazy today are we'?
I put my coat back on and walked out.
I'm now sitting in the pub at the end of his road wondering whether
A) go back and explain again for the 50th time why I don't walk in dodgy areas in the dark
B) order an uber and go back home.

I'm a little bit thinking I've overreacted but it's been the same joke for 5 sodding years with obviously no attempt to understand.

Yes, that's a much safer option than getting a Uber, too.

@sharpclawedkitten Uber is totally safe, I'd hope?

You have every right to your reaction.

But Sarah Everard wasn't walking through a 'seedy' area when she was attacked. And most women will be attacked by someone they know, not a random (like when my boss assaulted me). Even when being attacked by a random it can happen anywhere - I was sexually assaulted on a bus at 8am.

Don't buy into this bullshit narrative that women shouldn't go out at night. It's to keep us in our 'place' and make us afraid. If anything it's your friend that needs to be concerned. Men, especially between the ages of 18-35 are most likely to be attacked by strangers in public.

What have your respective heights got to do with anything?

Sounds like you’re otherwise good friends. O one is perfect and if you don’t mind getting an Uber then I would sweat the small stuff - certainly don’t fall out ablut this

Just go home 💐

Seriously? You think a six-foot-plus man is as vulnerable as a petite woman when walking through a dodgy area in the dark?

@Mekumeku, you seem a bit confused about equality and equity. Usually, common sense and empathy are enough for people to work it out, but, if not, I find this helps to explain it.

Everything about this seems odd.

Firstly it’s interesting that you have both been in single households since 2019 and remained living alone for 5 years. During that time you have seen each other regularly. I’m surprised that he doesn’t have that level of care/concern towards you as he would towards a close friend/family member/partner travelling alone. He sounds completely tone deaf at best; but frankly it seems like he doesn’t care about you at all.

My friends would be concerned about me walking around alone in that situation - getting Uber or driving or giving me a lift is a given. Not one of them would take the piss out of me being “lazy”. Lazy doesn’t come into the equation when you’re thinking about your safety. It’s not even about Sarah Everard - that was an extreme murder. It’s even the more petty things like idiots trying to steal your belongings or accost you or even poor weather.

The fact you have even on occasion tried to hide that you’re getting a taxi from him, suggests he’s unreasonably controlling about this. You’re obviously worried about his reaction. Whereas my friends would literally wait with me until the uber arrives, see me out, message me en route/ensure I got home, even book a taxi for me if I couldn’t do it myself.

It’s not about his height or him being naive, I actually think he’s so far below the standard of an average friend that he’s being malicious.

Tall women can be attacked and short men can be attackers. Thier heights aren't the issue here.

The person you're replying to is a troll for sure.

BUT, statistically it's young men who are most at risk of being attacked - and they're also the group that feels the least vulnerable. Shows how fucked up we all are, where we cow women into believing they can't go out at night but young men think they're invincible just because they've got willies.

His being unaware of the issues is frankly not good enough. My 20 & 18yr old DS have had it drummed into them from early teens that no-one male or female is left to walk alone when its dark, end of night outs etc & I'd be raging if they left their female friends to walk home alone.
Why on earth is he not coming to you instead, if he can't be bothered he not really much of a friend

You go to his all the time and YOU are the lazy one?

Pull the other one mate.

Men might get mugged by other men. They are extremely unlikely to be raped, and in any altercation they are at far less of a disadvantage than women are, because of the upper body strength difference.

I hope you Ubered straight home ❤️

Next time he says 'haha, I saw the uber, feeling lazy today are we'?

Respond with 'haha, using the same lazy joke today are we?'

so you are paying to go to his house and he never even walks to yours? Does he provide all food and drink?

This.
I think it’s amazing you haven’t snapped before now !

He's doing it because he knows it winds you up.
Knob.

I couldn't be bothered with making an effort to go and see him and pay for an uber to get home if he was going to be a dick.

He could get his lazy arse off the sofa and visit you.

Some men enjoy women spelling the fears we have out to them.
They laugh at the novelty of it.
Obviously we don't have the luxury of laughing it off.
Women haven't been put on this earth to teach men to be empathetic.
In my experience the type of men who do this are not good sorts.

He shouldn’t have needed reminding about Sarah Everard. To him that might just be an old news story. To other men, and I would wager every woman in the entire country, as well as being the most sickening crime imaginable, it was the most horrific reminder of the dangers women face. (I do not need reminding that men face danger too.) My point is that she was just walking home in a well lit area, and we know the rest of what happened.

In short, this man is a selfish, witless, thoughtless, insensitive pig.

I would WhatsApp him and explain, clearly, why, as a woman, walking isn't safe. Explain why we choose the bear. I don't think he is being cruel, but men simply can't understand.

A lot of sexual assaults are never reported, so I don't know how it works with statistics which say that women are safer than men. Most women I know have been the recipient of unwanted male attention and some kind of sexual assault - not always as serious as being raped but definitely being groped. It's happened to me twice and I've led a pretty safe life. And that's not counting the things men say to women.

I do think men are also in real danger of attack because other men are aggressive and violent. I worry about my sons a lot when they go out drinking. But at least men are more evenly matched physically so have a better chance of defending themselves.

OP - this man is a dick and it's time to move on from wasting your time on him. You definitely didn't overreact.

Men are at an advantage in every way possible. I’m 5ft, young, fit. I was walking to the gym in trainers and fully energised. A man stole my iPhone. I briefly ran after my attacker - he completely outran me. It wasn’t even close. I gave up after seconds of trying. Within a few seconds he was already out of sight. Like there was never a chance of me being able to either run after him, or even run away from him. I was literally defenceless.

My attacker then attacked a man after me, who was older, 6”2, tired as he just finished a 12 hour shift, dressed in business attire/non running shoes. His iPhone was stolen and he ran after him too, but he was able to catch up with our attacker and confront him. So even with the odds against him, he was still able to balance out and be a reasonable threat. With all the odds in my favour, I stood no chance.

This. Perfectly put, @Error404pagenotfound.