Do you turn your phone off or put it on silent when you go to sleep?

[Izzabellasasperella]

I assumed everyone does this when going to sleep.
I suffer from occasional insomnia so I replied to a text from a friend thinking they would see it in the morning or whenever.
I received a very shitty reply telling me off for texting so late.
It has upset me me due to the tone of the text.
This person has no kids or older parents where maybe they need to be contactable at anytime.
Obviously I will text tomorrow (at a reasonable time) and apologise.
I am curious though to know if anyone goes to sleep with their phone on?
I wouldn't sleep at all if mine was on and next to me due to the pointless notifications from WhatsApp/ Facebook etc 😀

My phone has the same settings all the time...notification sound for messages and whatsapp is muted but calls left on.

The only people who tend to call me are my parents and they'd never call me after 8pm unless it was an emergency so I'd want to hear a call come through if they needed me at night. Same if DH is on a night out.

Most comms for everyone else in my life revolves around messages anyway. I check my phone so often (sadly) that during the day I would see a message without a notification within half an hour max of getting it. I go to bed early and often have messages to answer in the morning...sometimes 20 if friend groups are having a full on chat!

On silent with do not disturb on. An emergency call would get through.

but this is how i use my phone
no laughing needed🤣

and this is presumably how the upset person uses theirs.
just because so many of you are choosing your way doesnt make it the same for everyone

Again, none of the three emergency calls I've received, would have got through.

Everyone seems to assume that the family member would be able to call from their own phone. In none of the incidents were they able to.

In two cases the family member was unconscious (one had a stroke, the other was in a car accident) and the other involved my MIL with dementia who'd gone missing.

You can’t assume other people do what you do. Don’t text people in the night it’s inconsiderate,

My phone is on silent 100% of the time. I don't want people disturbing me at their convenience rather than mine.

Yes indeed, that's very different.

Gosh so many replies. I must admit I was scared to post expecting a flaming😀
I do understand that I was wrong to text at that time and definitely won't do it again.
It wasn't a random message it was a reply to one they sent me (at a normal time)
My phone is on sleep mode from 10 till 7 so I assumed theirs would be too. Lesson learnt,no late night texting!
Off to google how to time delay a text😀
Thanks to all who replied.

Silent during the day. Turn up at night.

I used to, but DM is old now and I'm always concerned she'll need me in the middle of the night so I leave it on.

I personally wouldn't message anyone in the middle of the night just in case they didn't have their phone on dnd. I have my phone on dnd and only have a few people who can still contact me through the night, namely my three kids, my oldest friend and my parents & sisters.

I usually think it’s an annoying or ageist thing to say, but I think in this case there’s mostly just a generational difference. People who grew up and into adulthood with an etiquette of how landline technology works applying the same social rules to mobiles. Those of us who grew up or got mobiles in young adulthood following new etiquette rules that the different technology allows for. I’m only on the edge of that cohort myself at 40, but can’t think of anyone my age or younger who wouldn’t send a text in the night if they happened to be up. I can think of a couple of older friends or relatives who I would assume not to have worked out the settings and would follow more old school etiquette for texts as if they’re landline calls. But also many people older than me who do text any time, often because of job type or connections in different time zones. So I can imagine there might be culture clashes in some friendship groups on the age-border between groups?

The thing is everyone managed perfectly okay before mobiles were invented.

I wouldn't message anyone when they're likely to be asleep regardless of age, it's just common courtesy and manners and I got my first mobile in 1996 at 18 so am rather an old hat at mobiles now. I don't want to wake up to multiple messages and then be accused of ignoring someone (you see it on here all the time).

I don't send messages or make calls after a certain time because quite frankly I'd find it rude to get a message at 11 at night when I'm trying to get to sleep.

But it’s only common courtesy if you assume people don’t use the settings provided to read texts when they want to (so you don’t even know you have a text at 11pm unless you’ve chosen to look at your phone or leave text notifications on), and I don’t think that the drama about unresponded to texts is ever about people not replying in the middle of the night (although maybe for teenagers it is…).

I think you’re kind of confirming my point - you’re slightly older than me and I think that puts you in the mixed etiquette age range, whereas I know no one in my age bracket who would blink twice at sending or receiving a text whenever is convenient. It’s a useful technology because you don’t need to both be free at the same time to communicate. I’m a night owl and my best friend is an early bird, half our communication is me texting her at midnight and her texting me at 5am. We’re both busy with work and other things during the day so why wouldn’t we use our respective relaxed time to update each other or exchange nonsense? Same with Australian family members and American colleagues. Many advantages to asynchronous communication and no disadvantages that can’t be turned off by hitting a few buttons.

Always turn mine off

I can see why you think it would be a generational thing but I'm not sure.

I'm mid 50s and resisted getting a phone for years (Growing up, only yuppies had phones. I knew one person who had a phone when I was in my 20s and everyone I knew used to take the piss out of him for it). Didn't get one myself until dd went to secondary school.

But I have my phone set to DND and I also receive, read/ignore (depending on whether I happen to be awake and/or busy) & send WhatsApp messages at all hours of the day and night.

My 80 year old mother is an anytime texter so I don’t think it’s black and white. But that there are clashing systems of etiquette above a particular age range (I think somewhere between 40 and 50), and an accepted etiquette below that. Whereas some other aspects of phone, like playing videos without headphones, seems to be more of a mix of attitudes across all generations (or just more of a straightforward matter of rudeness vs politeness!).

People were probably saying this about the printing press and the wheel. I personally think smartphones are potentially very useful but you need to be on top of how they work and make sure you use the settings that suit your needs. When I'm travelling to see my Mum and there are travel difficulties it's extremely useful to be able to phone, send messages and keep up to date with the latest information about the next stage of my journey. Three times this year I've had to book accommodation mid-journey for an unexpected overnight stay and that's been a lifesaver.

I always leave my phone downstairs

I don't think it's a generational thing, I think it's a 'knowing how things work' thing. I belong to various WhatsApp groups mostly populated by people over 50, many in their 60s and 70s, and there are plenty of messages sent at all hours of the day and night. No one has ever complained so either they are all too polite or they have all mastered the Do Not Disturb settings or they don't care.

My phone is always on silent unless expecting a call. But it still wouldn't send a text after 10pm unless I know that are awake. Or before 8am - my phone does vibrate and often I'm woken up by an early bird around 6am (or NatWest/Tesco etc which must send out batch texts at 7am).

I think it is up to phone owner to ensure their phone cannot disturb them during the night or whenever if this is a concern. You did nothing wrong OP.