Daugher not happy with gift we gave her

[jouxlake]

We bought our daughter an expensive jewellery gift for her birthday, she chose it, it was plus GBP1,000. She chose it, she apparently loved it, tonight she messaged me and said 'I don't like it, can we return it'. which I know is not an option. Turns out her boyfriend said he didn't like it, prefers the next up design which is double the price. I am livid at how impressionable she is, livid at him for undermining a gift from her parents. But overall, I am fucking so upset and really gutted that she had no appreciation for what gifted her.

Can the BF afford designer labels? If he’s 20 like her, how come? If he’s older, that may be why your DD is impressed. Is it a healthy relationship otherwise?

I would be gutted. Obv I don't know your financial situation but this kind of a gift for me would be something I have to save a long time for. I would have built up this idea in my head of how it would be received, and cherished forever.
Do you know the boyfriend well? Do you think it really is just materialism? It could be at their age. Kids are bombarded with labels and if they're indulged it can be easy for them to lose sight of the true value of things.
My worry would be that his intentions might be darker than that. Is it that he's trying to bring your daughter down? Is he jealous of your relationship? Could he be trying to put a wedge between you or just generally knock her self-esteem?
When it's not as raw, I would think about digging a bit deeper about this relationship. Finding out if this was out of character or does he make a habit of shitting on her parade

She can defo return it! To you.... bling mama x

No, we are not. He is Eastern European, but I don't think there are any dowry expectations. Both families are based in a country that is not our country of origin for either of our families.

I don’t think there’s any need to overthink this. She is being massively unreasonable and just needs to be told that. Maybe saying No is not something she is used to hearing from you but you’re not doing her any favours by indulging her. You pay for all her living expenses, she is incredibly lucky. To then reject a gift she already chose. It’s just rude and she should be worried about upsetting you not the other way around.

I'd just say, okay then I'll have it back if you don't want it. End of.

Just some of the word choices, also ‘plus GBP1000’ when it would be ‘over £1000.’

"s it that he's trying to bring your daughter down? Is he jealous of your relationship?"

I never would have thought this until today, was he jealous of the gift we got her ?

jouxlake ·
I fully understand living abroad, 20 it seems is a special birthday here. However, two years ago I gave a lovely gift for 18 years old (studying in UK) and now again at 20. I did say I hope you aren’t expecting a special 21st birthday gift as well.

Even if there are no cultural risks and expectations to handle, it's not nice for him to make her feel bad about a gift, or as if he can overrule her parents. She's a person, not a shiny accessory. I'm so sorry, this sounds hurtful.

I think she need to keep the gift and get rid of the boyfriend.
It sounds like you did somthing lovely for her . And hopefully when she is older she realises

He sounds really awful and she sounds as though she's too influenced by him.

I would be very hurt by this and I wouldn't be happy if she couldn't see what was wrong with his and her reaction to the gift.

😂

When I read that the BF wanted her to ask you to change it for another one which was twice the price, it sounded like a way of squeezing a more expensive gift out of you.

Take it back and wear it yourself.. Your DD is disrespectful

I don't understand why you'd spend £1,000 on a birthday piece of jewellery

Thank you. I have always thought he was a nice kid, and I do think he is, we have known him for years, He is only 21 too, so I will give him a bit of slack. I do think he will be mortified when he realises she has told us.

That doesn't change how upset I am with her though.

For someone like the bf the value of something is in the wow factor—its social status. He doesn’t have taste, as such, he has herd instincts.

Take the gift back from dd and just give her some cash.

Was it Tiffany? Definitely take it back and keep it

Yes, I was thinking this too. Surely she wants a boyfriend who is twice as nice.

It's an expensive gift for sure, but I don't think that's the point. Whether it cost 10quid or 10grand, the daughter is being an ungrateful little brat.....but she is young, and obviously being influenced by her arsehole of a boyfriend.

I agree with others, tell her if she doesn't want it to give it to you back, then keep it for a few years, till she has learned the art of being grateful....and kinder.

Whether it cost 10quid or 10grand, the daughter is being an ungrateful little brat..

This I totally agree with, yes the value of it hurts, but irrespective of that is it so ungrateful, but it really does hurt..

Well selection box for Christmas and cards for birthdays from now on... What a bloody madam. I actually think their relationship will change now he knows she has told you his opinion.. Hopefully she will have dumped him before the year is out...

So is the boyfriends nose out of joint as he didn't like seeing your daughter being happy over a present that he didnt give or he got a present that she was less enthusiastic about. so he put down your present?

I can just imagine how much it hurts. You do something nice and it's like a slap in the face for your trouble.

But, she is 20, almost still a kid, and kids can be cruel, try not to be too hurt.
I doubt she would have acted like that if she wasn't being influenced by her boyfriend.