Daugher not happy with gift we gave her

[jouxlake]

We bought our daughter an expensive jewellery gift for her birthday, she chose it, it was plus GBP1,000. She chose it, she apparently loved it, tonight she messaged me and said 'I don't like it, can we return it'. which I know is not an option. Turns out her boyfriend said he didn't like it, prefers the next up design which is double the price. I am livid at how impressionable she is, livid at him for undermining a gift from her parents. But overall, I am fucking so upset and really gutted that she had no appreciation for what gifted her.

She likes the gift. She chose it. She’s taken a comment from her (idiot) boyfriend too seriously and is now pretending she doesn’t like it either. 20 year olds are impressionable sometimes and can be assholes too. Sit her down, explain that her boyfriend is displaying some toxic behaviour, that you’re always there if she needs to talk and you hope she realises in time how beautiful the jewellery is and how it came from a place of love from her parents!

Well selection box for Christmas and cards for birthdays from now on.

This ....

But Ihave never known her to be like this, I bought her crochet and hooks one gift and she was over the moon about it.

My sister has suggested maybe the relationship is coming to an end and my DD is trying to hang on with every unreasonable reason for it not to be over.

She might be right, but I have no clue.

Doubtful that OP can take it back. She won’t get the purchase price, it’s jewellery.

Hope you're OK op, this isn't a nice situation. If you like the item, have it for yourself, you gave birth to her

That's really painful OP and such a strange thing for her boyfriend to say, that would raise alarm bells for me. X

I would give her a massive bollocking for being an ungrateful brat. I would then take the jewellery for myself. When she’s dumped the twat boyfriend she’ll want it back again. And I wouldn’t be buying her anything for Christmas.

Sounds like it.

Gicw her time, she will feel bad about saying what she said in time.

Certainly do not attempt to exchange it for anything else. Sucks to her boyfriend.

I bought my 4 dds the exact same necklace when they turned 18, it wasn’t particularly expensive, but they treasure the necklace because of the sentimental value. I couldn’t imagine them asking me to return it.

In terms of managing expectations and showing how you feel about this behaviour, I'd return it - unless you want it?

then buy her a novelty gift, something cheap and cheerful. Nice but cheap and cheerful. Tbh with this reaction, a card will do but I realise you want to mark the occasion with something. Just make it little so she learns to appreciate little gifts.

don't have a row by message though. Speak to her.

20 isn't anyone else's milestone birthday. It's 21. She's very entitled and her BF sounds like an ass. I'd be deeply concerned at the extent of his influence on her.

£1k gift is small change in some circles. Girl in one DC's class got a brand-new Range Rover Evoque for her 17th.

No - but demanding your child returns the gift, and then punishing them further by telling them they'll never ever have another, is.

I am planning on spending £50 on each of my Over 20 year old kids and I know they will be grateful. Your DD is being a brat and you need to realise money doesn’t equal love. Hope you have learnt a lesson. I know how much you are hurt but equally she is rejecting the gift not you.💐

Exactly,.

I am so gutted on two sides because I know she is really sentimental in general, so this is out of character, and I hate to think she is being influenced by a boyfriend who overrides what she feels about a gift from her parents..

As awful as it sounds but why would a boyfriend be so interested in jewlery, I wonder if he is looking for something that he can sell at the pawn shop or cash convertors, it will somehow go missing and she will probably think she has lost it. (worst case scenario) maybe he is just materialistic and wants her to look a certain way designer wise

She is still young and sometimes we cna all be guilty of been ungrateful and thoughtless (although no one can bring themselves to admit it).

This is madness. Why are you anxt-ing over something so trivial?

Why do you care so much about whether it’s 20 or 21? It doesn’t really make a difference to the op.

This post is giving me lobster boy vibes.

I'd be furious but with that sorry tale in mind, be furious here.

To your daughter express disappointment rather than anger.

I think you need to try and use this to get through to her about the importance of her own opinions and not being influenced (controlled) by someone else.

If she can learn a bit about that then it's probably a better £1000 than any necklace.

She'll be coming to a point in life where she makes serious choices like where to live and you don't want her bending to everything that suits him and not her own ambitions for her future.

Take it back and keep it safe for her until she's got rid of the boyfriend.

I think your sister may be on to something OP, that this teen relationship is drawing to an end. I would say that you are very hurt, that you thought she was less shallow and easily influenced than she's being at present, make it quite clear that there will be no replacement with a more expensive option and leave it at that. You could be polite to him while not laying out a red carpet and see what happens.

Hopefully it will end because he doesn't actually sound great, but that's for her to find out.

I presumed the pp meant not a replacement gift for this birthday; not never.

”give it to me and I’ll see what can be done” then don’t mention it for 5+ years and store it at the bank

Do this.

If you're that way inclined you could respond in the same way to any christmas gift she gets you

think you need to try and use this to get through to her about the importance of her own opinions and not being influenced (controlled) by someone else.

Yes. this, I would have thought we were there, but I guess not.

How did he expect the MaxMara coat to be paid for? They’re well upwards of £1000.

Where did the OP mention it was a bracelet?