Daugher not happy with gift we gave her

[jouxlake]

We bought our daughter an expensive jewellery gift for her birthday, she chose it, it was plus GBP1,000. She chose it, she apparently loved it, tonight she messaged me and said 'I don't like it, can we return it'. which I know is not an option. Turns out her boyfriend said he didn't like it, prefers the next up design which is double the price. I am livid at how impressionable she is, livid at him for undermining a gift from her parents. But overall, I am fucking so upset and really gutted that she had no appreciation for what gifted her.

100 percent this!!!!!!

I feel a bit sorry for your dd, she's going to feel such a dick when she looks back on this.

I would half jokingly tell the bf that he can't buy champagne on beer money.

I feel a bit sorry for your dd, she's going to feel such a dick when she looks back on this.

I would half jokingly tell the bf that he can't buy champagne on beer money.

20 is quite young and she has just proved her lack of maturity. Send her a message telling her it can't be returned and that you are a bit hurt and disappointed by her reaction. You didn't bring her up to be ungrateful, rude or greedy....but somehow she has managed to be over this gift which has surprised you as it was something she chose. Then leave the ball in her court, hopefully she will realise she's been a bit of a tit and apologised profusely. Then reign in the expensive gifts a bit.

No idea why that's gone twice.

I would say "No, it's not returnable and it can't be exchanged. However, I like it so I'll take it instead" and leave her with nothing.

She will soon see the error of her ways.

Do they live together? It sounds very controlling and I'd be concerned. Would she have done this before?

Can you return? I certainly wouldn't be buying the next level up.

For us 20 is a milestone birthday, anyway that is irrelevant and no we don't overindulge our kids.

Awful behaviour. She needs to understand the value of money.

I have a 19 yr old dd.

I would ask her to return the gift.

Once back in my posession I would tell her she can be sure there would be no further gifts.

How she processed that would not be my problem.

@jouxlake To be honest - surely 21st is the big birthday, not 20th Birthday?

Regardless, get it back from her and keep it for a bit. See what your daughter's reaction is. I agree with others, her BF probably wants the money to spend on something else. Your daughter is behaving like a spoiled and entitled brat.

GBP1,000 is a hell of a lot of beer money!

This is perfect, I have already told her how upset I am, but I will reiterate with this. Thank you.

You sound like a grudge-bearing authoritarian who is unlikely to have the 'problem' of a relationship with your daughter in a few years time when she's realised she doesn't have to see you any more.

Yeah this is what I'd do.

Ungrateful so and so.
Take it and tell her to stick it.

I thought it was 18?

Not being funny but if this is out of character I'd be worried he's really controlling or she doesn't know what she wants. I am slightly projecting as I had an awful boyfriend at that age and his word was law. Now the reason I fell prey to that boyfriend was because I had a very controlled enmeshed relationship with my mother which I am sure is not the case for you.

Wow the cheek of that! I would ask her to give it back or drop it off if she doesn’t live with you. Once she has handed it back I would say there is no option to return it so you have now just wasted £1000 on a gift she asked for and has now rejected. And that would be the end of that. You could then try and sell it secondhand at a loss yourself but out of principle, I absolutely would not let her (or her BF) have the opportunity to sell it on. The ingratitude is quite staggering for someone who is 20 years old and you don’t owe her any replacement.

And yes, I would also point out she has been extremely rude and hurtful in doing this. Does she think you have money to burn. Ridiculous and needs a sharp wake up!

Used to be 21 (age of majority) and when it changed to 18 some do both

Never heard of it being 20

I would tell her to put it in a drawer and wait until she has a boyfriend with better taste.

You could say - nicely! - that it is the one she herself chose, and that you will try to return it...but there won't be any (more expensive) replacements. Does she still want you to return it?

Clearly the boyfriend wishes to pay for the more expensive item as it is him that doesn't like it.

So you let your daughter return her gift to you. and she gets nothing else from you.

Maybe in 1, 5 or 10 years she will appreciate it.

i would ask for it back, to look after when she is older

I think she’s probably too immature to have the necklace. Tbh most 20 year olds aren’t mature enough to have such an expensive piece! I probably would have drunkenly lost it or something at that age.