Daugher not happy with gift we gave her

[jouxlake]

We bought our daughter an expensive jewellery gift for her birthday, she chose it, it was plus GBP1,000. She chose it, she apparently loved it, tonight she messaged me and said 'I don't like it, can we return it'. which I know is not an option. Turns out her boyfriend said he didn't like it, prefers the next up design which is double the price. I am livid at how impressionable she is, livid at him for undermining a gift from her parents. But overall, I am fucking so upset and really gutted that she had no appreciation for what gifted her.

I'm glad to see she's apologised, but when the dust settles I'd still work on getting rid of this boyfriend, if she were my daughter.
She needs to see that what she likes is more important than a boyfriend's opinion, when it comes to her clothes, or anything else she chooses in life!
And it needs to be drawn to her attention, the way in which he constantly pushes at times where it's totally inappropriate and undermining both to her and you. He's not a good influence and you need to get her to see his flaws and question whether she wants someone in her life who is so very rude!

@saraclara you don’t sound clever, you just sound like a Karen. Like I said mind your own business and not mine as it doesn’t affect you personally.

I haven’t read the whole post so not sure how this has progressed. Please please do your daughter a huge favour go online and buy her a book called ‘I will always write back’. Tell her she can have her jewelery back once she has read the book or say you will discuss it when she’s read the book. Whilst this is so disappointing for you I can only imagine how excited you must have been for her to be receiving this gift. The book amounts other things describes how this little Malawian or Zimbabwean boy gets one can of Fanta for his birthday and they sit round as a family and share it. My children so so valued reading it and whilst this has been such a disappointing episode of you seize this opportunity your daughter will learn lessons that will save her and shape her life.

This

Posting in a long thread without at least reading the OP's updates is bad form, and can make you look like a bit of an idiot.

The worst example I've seen was a woman who posted about bloating, and then as she used the thread to document her diagnosis of terminal ovarian cancer and the treatment she underwent, she had people come in every now and again to suggest a gluten intolerance.

If it's a long thread and you haven't even read the updates, it's very unlikely you have anything to add that hasn't been said already.

Absolutely this!

Take back the gift under the pretense of possibly exchanging it, hold it for a few years, maybe longer. She'll appreciate it one day

No way I’d ask my parents to pay a grand for jewellery!
Then say I didn’t like it… You must be very pissed off.

Who chose the gift? My mom has a tendency to gift me with some really awful expensive clothes that are not my style AT ALL, thank god she always gives me the receit too just in case I need to change it. I always thank her profusely and let her know it's "absolutely gorgeous" but "not going to wear it much as it's too dressy and would rather change it for something more casual", then I go to the shop and change it. My point is: if your daughter chose the gift she has no right to not like it, but if you chose it.... why assume she's going to like it? Why so pissed off at the fact she doesn't like something she didn't even pick?

@jouxlake The thing is the necklace is beautiful and it suits her style, but more importantly she chose it, when we came out of the store she was really excited and extremely grateful.

Sorry, just read this update... so your daughter chose it, was perfectly happy and now she doesn't like it. Please return it and keep that money, she's either extremely immature or emotionally unstable. No gifts till she grows up.

@BarbaraHoward 🥱🥱🥱

What a comeback. Ouch. Consider me chastened. Etc.

"A Karen"?! You have just lost every argument, ever...

I agree; take the gift back and if you can't return to the shop for a refund, sell it privately and keep the money for yourself. Don't waste your money on amy more gifts for such an ungrateful daughter in future.

Probably easier to return/change the boyfriend. but if he/they prefer the more expensive option, they can always pay the difference.

Someone gave you very clear advice about taking it away from her with kind soft words to say you'll see what you can do about swapping it. And then keep it safe.

Her bf is a piece of work.

When did a boyfriend ever have a say in what jewellery you wear? There's more wrong here than just his choice in jewellery, Take it back!

That's a good outcome, OP. I hope you can all put it behind you now, and that it is a lesson well learned for your DD and her boyfriend.

Bloody hell after reading all of these comments I'm fully expecting a "burn her at the stake post
20 is young she's very thoughtlessly repeated a comment made by her boyfriend and was then rebuked by mum and shown to exactly why her comments hurt so much.
She probably sat in her room gutted about the situation.

Don't forget mums are the safe place to say things, even stupid things will always be forgiven because.. mum.

You sound like an idiot calling her 'Karen'.

Many of us find that derogatory and offensive. Have you got no better method of expressing your opinions?

This post and most of the responses seem to be talking about the girl as if she's about 12 years old. I'll probably sound like an old git here but when I was 20, I'd left home, got work and was buying my own stuff. The only presents I can recall through my twenties were the likes of a box of chocs or a jumper. 20 must be the new 12.

Take it back. If that’s not an option, tell her you’ll try, then put it in a box in a drawer/wear it yourself/exchange it for something you will wear.

Sadly, she’s behaving like a child. A rather spoiled child.

Is her gift going to go missing? Does her boyfriend hoping to sell or pawn the gift?

Sounds iffy OP. I might put the gift in a safe of secure place until your DD appreciates it.

This ☝️There’s something going on. You know your child, trust it’s an oversight on her behalf. Him being so materialistic is a massive red flag 🚩 I can’t work out if he’s just really materialistic or if he’s trying to undermined her relationship with you due to jealously either way he sounds like an idiot. I too would have been really hurt but right now I feel something bigger is at play, I hope you can both talk to get to the bottom of it x

I would find a way to gently ask her whether she thinks the BF will love her more if she has a £2000 necklace around her neck? She can then take that away and have a quiet think about her worth.

A friend's DS is exactly like the BF. I've never come across such materialism in my life. He looks down on people who don't wear the right stuff and has been overheard calling them paupers. He's still only 18 years old. I'm keeping fingers crossed he gets taught a valuable lesson some time soonish, he's intolerable.

The BF is dodgy. If he wants her to have a £2k necklace HE can buy it. Maybe he is planning to sell it? My DD is 20 and loses any valuable items - so I don’t give them to her. She had a BF who went on about his “next move” being earning £10k a month - he had no qualifications, worked minimum wage jobs and was constantly getting fired! It was all some sort of show. She should be wary of this BF.

It does hurt when kids are ungrateful. I don’t know how it is for you but I have a DD at uni, pay her accommodation and some other costs, I’m a lone parent and that is hard enough. I feel a bit exhausted when I even think of having to buy expensive presents too. About time you enjoyed some of your money yourself!