Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

What reason would be a justification for having her stepdad there but not me

She likes her stepdad and she doesn’t like you or want you to share her day with her.

You tell us. You know what your relationship is and the most likely reasons for it.

Obvious first question is, were you the OW?

I feel for you, op.
It can be so hard being a step parent.
I feel that you and her dad should have a serious conversation about this, though, because if he doesn't go, they'll never be able to overcome this in the future.
Personally, I think he should go for the wedding ceremony on his own and then come home.
The wedding ceremony matters, the party after doesn't and I can understand he wouldn't want to do that without you.

The only thing to do here is be a class act. Send a beautiful card with best wishes with your husband. Don't interfere or make him feel guilt going.

Really? I wouldn't invite a step mum if I didn't like them. I'd still expect my dad to go.

Are you always so controlling over your husband? Do you ever put other people first?

Because she gets on with him and doesn’t with you.

People have not understood the situation

I was friends with her mother and also my partner when they were married, our kids were at school together. Her mother and my partner got divorced, I was still friends with her mum but then my partner and I got together and since then her mum has wanted nothing to do with me

My stepdaughter is under the control of her mother that is the issue

It's definitely a fuck you, to invite her dad without you. But honestly, do you want to play any part in souring her relationship with her dad? Because of he doesn't go, that's what will happen. Surely you don't want that for your husband. Be the bigger person and encourage him to go.

Okay, so your relationship with her is strained, but you clearly didn't expect her not to invite you. If your husband wants to maintain a relationship with his daughter, he should go. You graciously wish the daughter and her partner well and do not cause a rift. Be the bigger person. Her dad should go. He can tell her he is sad she has chosen not to invite you and that he wished the two of you got on better.

So you went after your friends ex husband and now you’re not invited to his daughters wedding? If I wore pearls I’d be clutching them.

I was NOT THE OW

The way you speak about her is not nice at all, so why would she want you there? It’s clear your relationship is in the toilet. It makes me really feel uncomfortable that you call her childish when she might have very valid reasons for feeling the way she does. It kind of makes me think of Fleabag’s stepmum… is her mother still living? If so, is she going to the wedding?

I’m sure your husband does plenty of things without you, so cannot see why this can’t be the same for the wedding. Is he saying he won’t go because of your reaction or because he genuinely does not want to go if you don’t? If he has a good relationship with her then I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t want to go.

There are more holes in your story than in Swiss cheese - so much background that hasn’t been explained, and without that you can’t expect people to truly understand your position. I also don’t know why you want to go if you and her don’t get along. You don’t like one another, why do enforced socialising?

If I ever get married again my sister will NOT be invited, because she’s a nightmare despite being a blood relation. My nuptials won’t change that fact.

gosh, you sound very unpleasant to have around and just from your posts on here, i think shes done the right thing.

Her mother gets what she wants if your husband, her father, doesn't go.

I did not "go after" him they were divorced and she was in a new relationship anyway

My stepdaughter is under the control of her mother that is the issue

Yes, that's the issue. 🙄

You were a really shitty friend to her mother who she presumably loves and respects. Of all the men in the world that you could have dated, you chose to betray your friend by getting with her ex. Yes, it might have been years ago but I don't blame her for not having a good relationship with you and for not wanting you at her wedding.

Accept it, move on, and try to be a better person.

I think you need to convince your other half to go to his daughter's wedding. To not go because you have not been invited is childish. My FIL refuses to do anything without his partner. She will go and visit her family on her own but if she cannot get a ticket to something we have invited him to then he will not come. We invited my FIL and MIL to come to Legoland this weekend but because we cannot get a ticket for his partner he is not coming. He is missing out on time with his Grandchildren. It would be nice to spend time without her and everything having to be her way

Regardless you can see this is not a situation most daughter's would be comfortable with. It's sad you are not invited but you have to let it go.

Other woman or not you sound absolutely awful and I think she made the right choice. The fact that her father is choosing not to go is unforgivable

Then your lack of invitation is hardly a surprise is it?

Because she likes him and she doesn't like you...

Would people really be happy if their partner's went to a wedding without them

It is very disrespectful

The OP is allowed to be angry about this, but her anger seems misdirected against her husband's daughter. Let it go. Don't let this become an issue that causes a rift which can't be fixed.

Do you know why her Dad and Mum split up?