Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Regardless, you got with your friends ex husband. That's weird.
Ultimately your SD doesn't get on with you, you don't seem to like her or her mother so why should you be invited. Your dh should absolutely go and be encouraged to do so. If he doesn't does that mean your dh is under your control?

I have exactly the same family set up, invited them all and it was an absolute shit show. All anyone talked about for years after was what a mess my family were. She’s done the right thing, especially as you are being awful about it

She's loyal to her mother, which is normal and healthy. She doesn't want someone at her wedding who has hurt her mother and with whom she herself doesn't have a relationship. Why on earth would she?!

And are you actually her stepmother? Or just her dad's partner?

No, but in the interests of him not irrevocably damaging the relationship with her, he should go.

I agree with all this. Your partner should go to his own daughter's wedding with your blessing, even though you are not invited. Do not stoop to the pettiness you believe is being shown you by your partner's ex and their daughter, be gracious and rise above it.

She was demanding and controlling and the relationship broke down.
She used to moan about him to me constantly and none of it was true

She likes him would be the obvious answer

It sounds like you really don't like her.

Why would she want someone who doesn't like her at her wedding? I definitely wouldn't.

Don't you understand her perspective?

I think it’s disrespectful to shag your friends ex husband, but we are all different.

I'd love to hear the step daughter's side of things.

He ought to go and watch his daughter being married, rather than letting g his spiteful partner cut him out of the picture. That's why.

It isn't, and you are behind ridiculous.

Your partner needs to go to his daughter's wedding.

It's her day, not your day, and she gets to choose who's there, not you.

What tosh.

Honestly the mothers partner can be invited without you being invited.

if you want the rift to continue forever then obviously stop your husband from going to his daughters wedding!

OR be a good partner, understand it’s not how you wish it was, but give him every support to go to his DAUGHTERS wedding. He has been in her life longer than yours, had a history you will never be part of, and quite frankly is rather a shitty human being if he doesn’t go.

it hurts. It’s an insult, I get it. But it’s his daughter’s wedding. Go do something else, cry, be angry, anything, but do NOT be the reason to come between them.

Of course he has to go to his daughter's wedding. Persuade him to go, you stay home and work out how to ensure he sees his grandkids in the future.

I've gone to lots of weddings without my dh. Not a big deal.

Thank you

Whatever the backstory and for whatever reason you are not invited. That is the brides prerogative and maybe even mother of the bride too. You need to put your ego aside, your husband should go and take yourself off for a lovely weekend break on your own when the wedding is on. Anything more is causing huge problems and will just prove the mother and daughter right about what they think of you.

It’s her and her fiancé’s wedding. They invite the people they want to celebrate with them.

It sounds as though her mother and stepfather have a positive relationship with the bride and groom. Her father and you, her stepmother, don’t sound as though you do. Her father was her father before he was your partner. If he doesn’t go to the wedding, I think it will signal the end of any relationship between you.

From your initial post, being excluded certainly sounds harsh, but the more you post, the more it sounds as though she’s just hoping to avoid drama at her wedding. I’d be interested to know your husband’s take on this. He must be torn, surely.

Wow you’re not making yourself look good here, OP. You’d prefer that a father doesn’t attend his daughter’s wedding because you’re offended?!?

I feel sorry for the daughter and don’t blame her for not inviting you if this is your attitude.

I can see why she doesn't want you there.

Her Dad prioritises you over her.

She wants him for one day without you.

Encourage him to go or it will damage HIS relationship with her.

You've gone on about her being childish then saying 'well he's not going cos blah blah blah' is equally childish.

Be the grown ups.

From the tone of your posts, I'm Team Bride.

OP are you taking on board anything people are saying? Or are you still convinced you're in the right?

All of this.

If my husband and I split up and then he got together with one of my friends, I would never want to see that friend again, especially not at my child's wedding.

Whilst it would be worse if the OP had actually been the OW, it's still pretty shitty that of all the people he could have shacked up with after his divorce, he chose one of his ex wife's friends. If they really were soul mates and the idea of not being together was too hideous to contemplate, fine, whatever, but they should at least both be more sensitive to the hurt they have both caused and respect his daughter's right not to be reminded of it on her wedding day.