Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

So is shagging your mates ex.

That has to be one of the most childish responses ever. You don't want something but because you haven't been offered it you are throwing a tantrum and stamping your feet!

She doesn’t want you there it is a simple as that she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you at her wedding

given she has invited your daughter it is personal and no you don’t deserve an invite due to the principle of it

Get rid of your woe is me victim complex, just because you are with her father does not mean you have the right to be invited, why would she pay for a woman she doesn't like or get along with to go? You even admitted you don't want to go!! Get a grip of yourself its so embarrassing, and getting with your friends Ex Husband is wrong, whether she had moved on or not.. You clearly don't know what morals are and it shows

OP, how can you possibly want to go to this wedding when you know how strongly the bride, the bride’s mum and the rest of the family feel about you.
You would be better accepting that they don’t like you and reducing your expectation that they ever will.
Find your peace with it. You know that you don’t deserve to be disliked so vehemently. But you can hardly expect the bride’s mum to have a sudden turnaround on her own feelings after all these years of hating you and feeling betrayed by you …rightly or wrongly. That’s just the way of things sometimes and you can’t just hang it all on a principle of wedding invitation etiquette when feelings are so strong.
Concentrate on ensuring your own family is loving and caring. Do that by leading the way and showing understanding for the feelings of others.

Is it ridiculous woman day?

Of course you're not going to be invited to the wedding of someone you don't get along with. You're not even married.

It's not your day though.
You dont get to decide.
If you dont get on... why should she pay for your company?

With respect I don’t think that helpful to the OP. The OP has told us that not only does her partner’s daughter not want a relationship with her, her own daughter is going to the wedding and they also have relationship issues.

The OP has done something which morally a lot of people, including it seems her own kids have an issue with. But she is dismissing that as OTT instead of accepting that taking such actions have consequences.

I think the OP should accept that she doesn’t have a relationship with the bride and try to take a step back to allow the bride and her father to work on what sounds like a strained relationship.

She can have a relationship with her partner only, it doesn’t have to extend to his kids. Meantime she has her own kids to build a relationship with.

How do you feel about the OP’s daughter accepting the invite knowing her mum had been “snubbed”?

Would you really hope your parent was more loyal to a new partner than to you?

Having read OP’s posts I’m amazed that she ever thought she would be invited. Obviously the way her relationship started was incredibly painful for both families and this has never been repaired. Her own daughter is even going to this wedding! What a shitshow.

This is one of those where YOU are most definitely the problem.

I'm probably going to get a bashing for this but sounds a bit ridiculous, you have been together 10 years, you should have been invited as her dad's plus 1

OP this thread is going to close soon so I just want to quickly say that you need to encourage your husband to go with good grace and wish the bride well for her day.

Also take this thread as an opportunity for some self-reflection and use it to understand the hurt you caused. Taking responsibility for what you’ve done and the long-lasting hurt is the only way to repair your relationships with all the children.

Were you still friends with the mum when you got together with your partner?

I think the OP's daughter is entitled to do what ever she wants.

In fact every one in this situation is entitled to do what ever they want.

Fwiw personally I think OP should have been invited. It would have been the civilised thing to do. And I think if she had been invited OP's correct decision would have been to refuse the invitation as the diplomatic thing to do. And in fact OP has said she would have refused the invitation if it had been offered.

But my only reason for getting involved in the thread was because of the totally unreasonable ott condemnation of OP.

As I've already said I don't have time for these nightmare wedding where who gets / doesn't get invited causes nothing but hurt and upset. A wedding is supposed to be about exchanging vows but that aspect just gets buried in the open warfare these occasions seem to generate.

Gawd, I wouldn't want you at my wedding!

Anyone who uses 'the principle of the thing...' as an excuse to be a b is someone best steered clear of.

Good for her ! and good on her for refusing any financial contribution to the wedding from her father.

Having read the attitude you have in your responses I am not surprised you are not invited.

You talk alot about principles but ended up dating your friends ex?! Which shows you have no principles, so why should your step daughter? Your friend confided in you about getting divorced and you somehow end up speaking to her ex and starting a relationship...
I can understand why the daughter has a problem. Like you say, it's about principle

My observations upthread: 'girl code' is a crock of old sexist bollocks. It's an imaginary construct. But there is such a thing as basic decency and a code of how it is or isn't okay to treat our friends and partners, and those codes apply whatever sex we happen to be.

As for attending weddings without a partner or he without me, I'd be delighted! It's certainly never occurred to me to view this as 'disrespectful' and I'm not fond of weddings at the best of times. DH and I are not joined at the hip: he can attend alone with my blessing. And, shock!, I'm attending a wedding next year without him. The bride is someone who matters to me but DH doesn't know her, and my attendance matters enough to her that she's offered an invitation for the whole day not just the evening. That is an honour. But I've told her specifically not to waste her precious +1s on me. Places are expensive and I'm big enough and ugly enough to look after myself.

Why be interested in who does or doesn't 'respect' your relationship, as long as both you and your partner do?

So you wanted her to invite you…. so that you could turn her down?

Maybe she anticipated your competitive game playing.

Anyway, it is good that you have decided to ‘allow’ your DH to go to his DD’s wedding.

You know what is the worst thing about this whole sorry saga?

Her own father isn't walking her down the aisle.

Oh get a grip, you don't even want to be there and her father should be there as it is his daughter and that trumps you any day of the week. You are genuinely ridiculous.

That's not the worst thing. She may not want him to, she may not have anyone walking her down the aisle. It's not compulsory to have a man escort you.

I can’t think why she doesn’t want you at her wedding OP - you seem an absolute peach