Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

I meant that he isn't close to her anymore. That he isn't automatically expected to be there. That mothers and fathers are normally part of the ceremony and joy surrounding a wedding.

It's the fact he's been ignored and put on the same level as a neighbour. It's sad that he's not made any effort to keep his own child close enough over the past ten years. But I think I can see why he is so estranged. Still sad though.

My god, the betrayal of your friend is unbelievable. You offered her a shoulder to cry on, listening to her talk about her husband and divorce... then a couple of years later you swoop in and start a relationship with this man.

You are a terrible, terrible 'friend'. Actions are totally vile and I can absolutely see why children on both sides are disgusted with you, even still 10years later.

I wouldn't invite you to my wedding either if I were in your SD shoes. And the decent thing for you to do now would be to realise that you shat where you eat and now you're paying the price.

Does your own DD not speak to you?

Tell your husband to go without you, and just leave SD have her wedding if you have any decency.

So you don’t even want to go, but are making such an issue of it that someone you’re supposed to love feels he has to miss his own daughter’s wedding?

You’re even more unhinged than all those exclamation marks make you appear.

The bride and her mother have principles, as opposed to OP.

Getting with your friend's ex is pretty messed up. Imagine expecting an invite to a family due after that, it's delulu.

I'm surprised OP is so up in arms about a wedding invite when she doesn't like the bride or her family. But she is ok with her OH not marrying her after 10 years.

Is there a statute of limitations on how long a couple are divorced before one of them starts a relationship with someone they knew before? The OP has said numerous times that she was not a party to their divorce yet it seems that the ex-wife still expects to control him by saying he shouldn't get together with a friend of hers years later! I've only ever heard this nonsense on MN!

Do something much more enjoyable instead.

No actually I didn't know him that well because he worked away a lot

Much of what I knew of him was what sds mother said about him (moaning about him) and when they were splitting up I got all her complaints as at the time we were close friends

Which were lies

How are her kids going to a wedding they are invited at turning on their mom who isn’t invited?

It depends on what the ex wife told OP about him, doesn't it. If he was abusive to ex wife, perhaps cheated on, her albeit with another woman rather than OP, perhaps even cheated with another friend, and ex wife entrusted her experiences with OP, it's the ultimate betrayal. I don't get the feeling that OP is persona non grata because she she merely started dating this guy. She says herself the families were incredibly close, the children went to school together, probably many BBQs and parties spent together. If ex wife regarded OP as a trusted friend and shared her terrible experience with the bride's father, it is a betrayal, regardless of when OP started dating him. In dating him she chose him over her friend. Even Op's dc don't like that OP is with this exact OH and what she has done.

There is no law about getting with your friend's ex but if you want to avoid the trouble OP has, perhaps chose more wisely.

Children of parents who behave in this way never forgive their parents.

At last, some sense! If the couple don't want someone at their wedding that's their choice, BTW it's 'their' wedding not just 'hers' and the OP has to accept that but also remember the snub for the future.

She didn't even ask him too!

He was awful to her and awesome to you. That does not mean she was lying. You are a match and they were not a match.

Op, with all due respect. You are calling you friend, or rather ex friend a lier. What reasons would she have had to lie to you about her stupid husband? IN any case, you ditched your friend and got with you 'OH' or shall we say boyfriend of 10 years and betrayed your friends confidence and trust. You picked a side, it was your boyfriend, not bride's mum. You made your bed, right? Why would they want you at the wedding when you are so rude and mean to your ex friend?

To distract yourself from this self inflicted drama, why don't you propose to your boyfriend and plan a wedding all for yourself? I can only imagine the amusing threads that would go with it

P.s. Trying to take this thread at face value and believe it's not a fun troll project.

Your editing is disengenious to the poster.

Why would she ask him? It isn't 1924!

Because of you. You’ve polluted their family as well as your own with your toxic attitude.

So, daughter has strained relationship with op, step daughter doesn't get on with op, but it's all fault of ex friend. Sorry, but you need to have a look at yourself and your actions.

The ex lied and said he was abusive and tried to stop him seeing their kids

Imo this is a lot worse than getting with a friends ex but no I'm the bad guy

I don't know, he definitely sounds like a dick to me. Gets with his ex wife's friend and then prioritises her sense of spite over his daughter's wedding. Clearly you're welcome to him, but not to her wedding.

You were close friends but you describe her taking about her break-up as “morning” and “complaints” and then went on to hook up with her husband. You also describe her perspective on their relationship as “lies”.

So the woman was rebuilding her life trying to move on them her “close friend” whom she had confided in hooked up with her recently ex-husband.

Then said friend adopts the everyone should move on attitude.

But you don’t even want to move on constructively you want to point score.

As has been pointed out the daughter must have some very strong feelings to turn down money for a wedding. She sounds like a women with integrity.

What you are actually doing is likely to lead to the daughter cutting her father out completely. And if you want that for him I’d question whether you love him.

You're trying to stop him seeing his daughter.

And it doesn't seem to be difficult!

if your own children don't get on with you but they do with the ex wife...

It is not disrespectful for your partner to attend his own daughter's wedding. I honestly can't work out why you are so insistent that you should have had an invitation. Please show a little self respect, encourage your DP not to nuke his relationship with his daughter and plan something nice for yourself to do on the wedding day.

Of course they were all lies 😂

Wow, how many of your friend's ex husbands have you got together with? In my offline social circles someone else's husband, or a parent of their child, would be very much off-limits, for life. I'd probably say that even if you DON'T know the ex-partner, the parents of your children's school friends are also very dodgy territory.

At the very least, if you ARE going to form a relationship with your friend's ex, unless it was a very amicable break-up and your friend is 100% OK with it, you should expect to get a frosty reception from any SKs and that friend forever after.

I'm also a stepmother, I'd be heartbroken if my SD did not invite me to her wedding, but I'm not an ex-friend of her Mum's who decided to throw a grenade into her life just after she'd recovered from a divorce.

What has he done to earn the honour of walking her down the aisle?

Sounds like he’s not made all the effort in cementing a relationship with her in the past ten years and you’re just part of that.