Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

She has a normal relationship with one but not the other.

Because she likes him? Family is not linear and she's perfectly entitled to ask who she likes. Id suggest not getting your partner to kick up a fuss (if he even would) as he might get kicked off the list too! It's probably the biggest and most expensive day of her life and she has a right to keeping it drama free 💁‍♀️

You literally just said we don’t get on

Then you ask in the next breath why you are not invited!

You answered your own question

And I wouldn’t want someone at my wedding who I didn’t get along with!!!

Wow - She’s really made a statement and for me there’d be no coming back from this, there’s no salvaging any kind of relationship with her after this.

I think you should probably focus on making your peace with this, and deciding how and if you and your partner can move forward with your own relationship, on the basis that you will have absolutely zero relationship with his daughter.

The reason we don't get on is I used to be friends with her mother

Childish

There's no "should" about it - you're not her mum, you don't have a good relationship with her and therefore you're not invited.

What would you be adding to the day by being there?

If she likes her stepdad / mums partner, of course he will be there.

If she's old enough to get married and you've been with her dad 10 years, it would suggest to me you don't have that stepmum relationship with her.

I'd have been gutted in your shoes. But this appears not to be unexpected.

Did you have an affair with your now partner?

Of course her dad won't be going without me.

Were you the OW?

So you started dating your friends ex husband?

No we were together after they split.

I suspect this of being the tip of a big, smelly iceberg.

I can see why she isn't keen on you.

😱

Has he said he won't or have you decided on his behalf?

Just how bad is your relationship? Because it must be pretty bad if she isn't inviting you a decade in. Why is it bad?

Nobody doesn't get on with someone because the "used to be friends" with their mother. Come off it.

Were you the OW?

Of course her dad will be going! No wonder you weren't invited.

Ah ha. There it is.

I was not the OW.

Her dad says he won't go without me but of course he wouldn't, why would he?!

Ofgs

just give him your blessing to go

you mean nothing to her

her father does, if he has a shred of decency in him he will attend

Well, if he's too spineless to stand up to you and show up for his daughter, he deserves to lose her. And he probably will.

This is a big mistake.

I would urge your husband to speak to his daughter to try and mend fences, but to attend the wedding.

I think it’s a messy complicated situation. She feels loyal to her mum. I can understand that- can’t you?

You don't have a good relationship. That is it. That is the reason.

Of course her Dad should still go. She's his daughter.

Why don't you get on, has it always been this way??

Does he only go to places where you go?