Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

I think it's not a big deal that you aren't invited unless you are keen to make it into one.

Of course her dad could go without you, why wouldn't he?

Why the hell not?!

Dunno, getting together with your mate’s ex is a bit dodgy. I mean, go for it if that’s what you want, but you’re batshit if you don’t realise it may put the cat amongst the pigeons and cause issues.

If you care about your DH you should really try to fix your relationship with his daughter. He'll regret not going for the rest of his life.

Because he's likely to loose any connection with his daughter over this?

Then he is going to lose her. And any future grandchildren.

You should encourage him to go alone.

your response to this I would imagine is precisely why you didn’t get invited. The fact that you're saying her dad won’t be going either says absolute volumes about you (and him if he agrees). Poor woman.

She doesn't respect my relationship with my dad because of my previous friendship with her mother

I was NOT the OW.

It is pathetic. Over ten years ffs.

My word, are you really saying that her father won’t / isn’t allowed to attend, because you aren’t invited?

Are you both so totally oblivious to what this says about his relationship with her, and what it will do for the future?

You don’t like each other, her mother doesn’t seem to like you (from the ‘used to be friends’ comment), so why would you want to go or expect to be invited?

Do the right thing, move on, wish them well if asked and encourage her father to go.

This is genuinely unforgivable on your part in my mind.

Because it's his daughter's wedding.

Nobody needs to "respect your relationship" apart from you.

Because she is his daughter. She was there before you. She should come first in this instance.
YOU should be making him go. If he didn’t she will never forgive him.
I presume she likes her step dad??
You are not coming across well
here.

Hmmmm, you’re not sounding super friendly or compassionate.

What’s happened in the last ten years?? Have your tried???

@Onlyonekenobe

you are correct - I wondered too

www.mind.org.uk

check out the above link op

Because it’s his DAUGHTERS wedding!! What sort of person wouldn’t encourage him to go just because you’re not invited. You’ve already said you don’t get on so why put a wedge there now between him and his daughter. He’ll probably down the line resent you

Dad's partners don't get automatic rights to go to weddings.

Nor do parents.

She doesn't like you and you don't like her. The best thing you can do here is be supportive if your partner having a good relationship with his daughter and being there for her at her wedding.

Yeah, you're right. I think you should make a Facebook status about it. Make sure to tag her.

Wow.. You call her childish? If you love your fella you should be encouraging him to go. How devastating for both of them to not have him there.

But sounds like it's all about you. Oh dear. It's v sad.

I think everyone can understand why you aren't invited.

I didn't invite my step mum to my wedding even though I DID have a good relationship with her.

I couldn't trust my mum not to kick off, so I couldn't have them both there. The purist would say not to invite my mum as it's her that can't keep it civil, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted my mum there; she has supported me, raised me, funded me etc etc. While not doing anything wrong, my stepmum was just that; an every-other-weekend presence throughout childhood.

So my mum came to my wedding, but my stepmum didn't. My dad came after some huffing and puffing about how he'd be all alone

Your husband shouldn't have to choose between you and his daughter on his wedding day, he should go without you if that is his daughter's preference. Don't be mean about this OP.

Sometimes respect needs to be earned. Give her something to respect and you might get some back.

Be petty and small and mean, and you’ll likely get that back.

I never say this but.... surely this can't be true?

I totally get that you might feel put out, although if you were her mums friend I can see why she feels she can't divide loyalties.

But absolutely no way should you do anything but insist her dad goes.

Don't be a complete knob.

Hopefully the poor woman has a nice step dad if her own father would genuinely be shit enough not to go to her wedding.

You only see this as a problem because it’s embarrassing for you and it highlights that you don’t get on to wider family and friends. You aren’t on here saying you’re hurt because you’ve tried hard to do the right thing by her and be kind and not been invited. You’re saying instead that she’s seen her mum be hurt by you, you don’t care about how she feels because she’s childish, you don’t get on and she’s still in the wrong for not wanting you at her wedding. There is nothing that that indicates you’re deserving of sympathy for this.