Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

A wedding is supposed to be about two people making vows to each other for their future life.
To make it about ensuring people "reap what they sow" and making vindictive points about how they feel about others is distasteful, to say the least.
I'm not into the wedding hoo ha at all and the upset and drama of these occasions just makes me wonder why people bother with them because the negatives totally overshadow any positives.

I have a teen SD that I don't have the greatest relationship with, I've been with her dad since she was young. If she were to marry further down the line, I genuinely have no idea if I would be invited or not. But if not, I would accept it with good grace and encourage DH to go - entirely up to him then if he chose to go without me or not.

I absolutely would not want to be somewhere I'm not wanted or welcome just because 'he's my husband and I SHOULD be invited' - it's her wedding day and she's entitled to have her day with the people she loves, and wants to see her get married. You don't have a right to be there just because you're with her dad, especially when you don't get on with her!

I often wonder why people, in general, insist on going to events that they are not invited to or welcome at (you see so many posts about it in different ways on here!). I cannot think of anything worse than pushing my way into somewhere I'm not wanted, and then being there knowing that is the case. Bizarre to me.

Even if MN is getting unnecessarily outraged. The children on both sides are unreconciled to this relationship a decade on.That tells you something.

Same as others; you don’t have a good relationship for whatever reasons. You only invite your most love people to such an important event

Gobsmacked

because she’s saying that as she isn’t invited, that her partner, her step daughters actual dad shouldn’t go either. That is the really out of order part

demanding that a father doesn’t attend his daughters wedding otherwise his partner will scweam and scweam is ludicrous behaviour ! She even said later that she doesn’t even want to go and would have turned down an invite

my step MIL has behaved exactly like this all through her relationship with my DH father which is why we haven’t seen him 20 years. She has ensured that he has no relationship at all with the adult children of his first family

Oh, for goodness sake.

You're making yourself sound awful OP 😖

You don't care about your step daughter at all. Or her wedding, you just can't bear nor being invited.

I can see why she doesn't like you, you sound dreadful.

That's called principles. It's were you are an authentic person who has values.

I know it may be an unrecognisable concept.

The fact you still don't see that 99% know it isn't appropriate to shag your mate's ex kinda shows us this.

You should encourage her dad go without you,

You are making this all about yourself; you sound selfish. She is not your daughter; book something nice for you. Hope she has a nice wedding

I’m sorry but you don’t get to just say ‘it’s been 10 years FFS’ and everyone moves on.

The OP hasn’t displayed any ways in which her partner has tried to cultivate a family relationship, it sounds like she hasn’t even done that for her own kids who are also not happy about the relationship so right now whether 10 years or not she is still just her dads partner and that doesn’t give any rights to an invite.

You may have declined the invitation if you had one? Please consider how petty and spiteful you are being.

Yes you "should" have been invited because you "should" have a friendly or at least civil relationship with the daughter and even her mother. However you don't.
The daughter does not want you at her wedding. It is a big day for her. She wants her father there. A stable, confident, empathetic person might feel hurt in your situation, but would swallow this down and encourage their partner to go along and support his daughter. You are not doing that.

The real problem here is that you have broken the #1 unwritten rule of friendship. Don't get with your mates ex.

Your current situation is the consequence.

Then you should know that a missus can be a long term partner. All the adults I know use the term partner as opposed to girlfriend or boyfriend when talking about adult committed relationships. It’s also the same regardless of sex, so presumably PC. I really don’t understand what legal recognition or standing has to do with this anyway. OP is the bride’s dad’s significant other &he quite possibly prefers going to events with her rather than without her. Why couldn’t that be respected?

all I get from this thread is that (maybe) this poor man has gone from one controlling wife to another.

He has a type! 😂

honestly my FIL did same! After our step MIL hurled abuse at us as we left last time we saw him 20 years ago, DH said to him “you do pick ‘em don’t you?”

Where does OP say she demanded that her partner doesn't go to the wedding?
I just reread her posts and nowhere does she say that.

How long after the split did you get together did you leave it at least a few years? Otherwise it would be very painful.

And please please encourage your husband to go. Imagine missing your child's wedding for any reason.

Like it or lump it, it is her wedding and her choice who she asks to attend it. She doesn’t have to have any reason other than that.
You did say yourself that you haven’t got much of a relationship, and when it comes to numbers there are probably other people she would rather have.
I would honestly just accept it and move on.
You did break girl code. If I broke up with DH and a friend picked him up down the line, even if I had re-partnered, I would probably not be interested in keeping that friend. It’s weird. She would know intimate details about my former marriage. And she would have listened to me rant about DH. It would give me the serious ick.
I would also worry that maybe something had sparked whilst I was still with him. The small seed of doubt would always be there.

she makes it very clear he’s not to go without her

So it's a pathetic power game on your part?

I can see the other side andOPs partner should stand up for her. Maybe he could go to the ceremony alone but not the reception? Either way if I was OP I would be doing what I could to end the family rift. Horrible situation for everyone.

Must be! It doesn’t sound like OP wants to go and celebrate their marriage but feels entitled to an invite.

You are insinuating that from her posts.
I read it that they have loyalty to each other and so if one of them is snubbed the other supports the slighted partner. Which, in truth, you hope would happen in relationships.
She also says explicitly in a later post he can go if he wants.
So really it's all about interpretation.
You are entitled to your opinion.
I just find all this personal unpleasantness directed at OP concerning.

You don't want to go and you're not invited so what are you complaining about! Just accept the situation gracefully.

Interesting that your kids don't like your relationship either. What lies have they been fed?

I was with my now ex for 27 years unmarried and we’re still friends now. We were together longer than almost all of our married friends.

Anyone who thinks my relationship was second class because we didn’t say a few words in front of a registrar can fuck off quite bluntly