Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Why should a girl friend be entitled to an invitation to a family event?

10 years the two of them are the ones responsible to tell the world they are a couple. An invitation with both present at a wedding given by another is not validation either of the two are in control over. Going to get married would be a way to publicly say they are a couple. It’s not the bride’s fault that her dad didn’t remarry and his girl friend is insecure over the relationship.

OP is hurt. She is disappointed. But while she can’t control feelings she can control her behavior. Her reaction.

An adopted child is as if has been born of your flesh. It’s an expression.

A parent can partner. Daughter is not preventing that. A bride also can chose who to invite to her wedding. Groom as well.

Not married, just a boyfriend.

Going stag to a wedding does not make the OP imaginary.

Why would I need the validation from another about my own relationship? I’m a big girl.

OP - Your DH is not paying/contributing to the wedding. He’s not walking her down the aisle. Not only does SD not have a great relationship with you, it seems she isn’t particularly close to her own father. You should both be glad he is invited and he should go. You sound very entitled and desperate to go which is strange because there is no close relationship to back this up. It also sounds like you’re embarrassed about how it will look that you’re not there, rather than any genuine desire to be there to celebrate. You can’t compare your relationship/status to your SD stepfather. It also sounds like no one else in the family wants you there so your presence would likely ruin the day for them too. Beyond the wedding, expect to play a very minimal role in her life eg if and when she has children or other major life milestones. In case it’s not obvious, she is NC or very LC with you. Once you accept this her behavior makes perfect sense. HTH.

Why would he WANT to go without me! I am his partner. We put each other first

and this right here is the problem. If you’ve been demanding for a decade that he put you first at the expense of his daughter then it’s not surprising you aren’t invited. If you’ve have children then your partner doesn’t come first, your children always should. The fact your own children agree with your SD speaks volumes.

Honestly, yes.

If I chose to get with my exhusbands close friend, I would expect there to be consequences to that.

The consequences being that a lot of people wouldn’t be happy about it and it impacting relationships.

You can choose to be with who you want to be with. But there’s no automatic right that forces everyone to be happy about it.

When the Ops partner decided to get together with ex wife’s close friend, then he also accepted the issues that would come along with it. As did Op. But being together was important enough that they were happy to take that risk. Their choice.

And it’s not just that. Op was this woman’s friend. And is there saying ‘everything she told me was lies’ and ‘if she had put him first maybe they wouldn’t be divorced’ and talking about awful she was. Do you really think no one else in real life knows what the Op thinks about her partners ex wife?

My partner doesn’t come before my children. One is an adult. And, thankfully, he wouldn’t expect it either. He would expect me to put the kids first. Obviously there are situations where he would come first. Him being in hospital would be priority over dropping my adult daughter at a friends. For example. Him being in hospital vs me having to stay home with my youngest because there’s no one else to have him would mean my youngest comes first.

Not a chance would Dp expect me not go to my daughters wedding because he didn’t get on with her and so wasn’t invited.

My work here is done. What she said! (with bells on)

WhimsicalGubbins76 · Yesterday 22:49
Oh op, just stop posting now 🤣 you are deeply, deeply unlikeable. You have no morals as a human and you’re about as narcissistic and selfish as they come.
You sleep with your friends ex, after she confides in you about their divorce.
You alienate your boyfriend from his daughter, so much so that he refuses to attend her wedding not to mention won’t be walking her down the aisle.
Then you come on to the internet, and try to get a forum full of women to hate this poor girl that hasn’t actually done anything wrong other than dislike the immoral girlfriend of her dad.
I’ll tell you in simple terms why he should go, and why her stepdad and his kids are going…
he is her stepdad. Her actual stepdad. And she clearly loves him, and also has a relationship with her step siblings (not simply “his kids”
you are just her dads girlfriend. You are not her stepmum. You are her mums ex friend that then started sleeping with your “friends” ex husband.
she doesn’t like you!
and her dad should, because…. HE IS HER DAD!!!! He should be walking her down the aisle! And if you were anything even remotely resembling a semi decent human being, would be telling him he should be there for his daughter on the biggest day of her life. But no, you want it to be all about you don’t you, and how little you matter. Get over yourself. You’re not part of the family. After 10 years you’re still just the girlfriend. What does that tell you

You’re making assumptions.

I have been married. Traded in for a 23 year old when I was 40, after 22 years together. Piece of paper didn’t stop him cheating - it’s not a magic wand!

My current partner actually caught his wife cheating 3 times & woke up to her standing over him with a knife. He finally had enough.

We’ve been together 20 years; done long distance, lived together, lived apart. Ups & downs, but overall awesome relationship as we respect & trust each other & are committed to each other. You think a piece of paper & a ceremony would what? Make it more real? Make it worthy of acknowledgement?

And, you’re going to love this, my partner was best man at my wedding & his (then) wife Matron of honour!

It is rude to not acknowledge an important relationship in a loved one’s life.

I am gobsmacked that you believe that there is an automatic right to be invited because you are the partner of her DF. You do not hav a good relationship with her and apparently it will upset her DM if you would attend, seen the animosity in the past. As a bride I would also choose anytime my DM to be comfortable during my wedding over the partner of my DF with whom I do not have a good direct relationship with. Her DM told you in confident her frustrations about her now ex and you then start a relationship with him. I would feel betrayed in such situation. I am not sure how old daughter was at the time of the split, but if she is getting married now, she most probably would have been a teenager then and formed her own opinion about the situation and this about you since then. You being together with her dad does not mean you are joint at the hip for such events and that she can only extend the invite to her dad. That is not rude. I think you might consider it rude as an extension of the invite to you would be a validation from his family about your relationship.

’any decent person…’.??? We’re talking about an adult, also known as a grown up.

Children should try to understand their parents are real people. It is disrespectful of them to not acknowledge other important people in their parents’ lives.

This right here is why she doesn't like you. You are kicking up a fuss about not being invited to an event that you would have declined to go to! The level of entitlement is just wow! And if you had been invited and you declined the invite, would it have been OK then for your dh to attend the event without you or would you have expected him to also decline? Your comment here is doing you no favours because you sound like the stepmother from hell trying to get one over on your stepdaughter for daring to be miffed that you broke girl code by dating your friend's ex. Take a look at your own behaviour here and reflect on what you could do differently to improve the situation with your stepdaughter

Not your spouse. You say you don’t need them to be but when the world does not act like they are you get mad? It is irrational. You are identifying as married when you are not. If you want people to treat them as your spouse marry them. You are right that it matters to the two of you how you feel about each other. So why needing the validation from others? You probably don’t but the OP seems to need it.

Does she have a better relationship with the mother's partner.
Sorry, you don't have a good relationship, but she can invite who she wants to her day.
You are not guarenteed a place

So you only want an invitation so you can turn it down?

you havexalready answered this in your OP

Who is childish? Certainly not your step-daughter
So, you knew her mother, now you are sleeping with her father. No further explanation required really. Can't you see why that might piss her off?

You’re kidding, right?

No! You have to be kidding if you think who you're screwing comes before your own child!!

She gets worse beyond the first post. Her own kids are friends with OP's step-daughter and her mother and are invited to the wedding.

The OP must be pretty awful for her own kids not to take her side.

So he kinda has to go because he’s the dad? Even though his daughter won’t respect his long term relationship, he’s got to go to support her presumably shorter one? I’m guessing he spends a lot more time with his missus than his daughter. How much will he even really see her at the wedding? Maybe he’d like his (important to him) missus with him so he’s not alone most of the time?

Why is it pathetic?
Have you asked her why she doesn't want you rather than posting your bitterness here?

The OP must be pretty awful for her own kids not to take her side.

This exactly! It speaks volumes. Alienating SD is one thing, but when your own kids turn on you? There is a reason. And OP's attitude is thoroughly unrepentant, belligerent, stubborn and obnoxious. Her own children have her measure.

It's irrelevant the mother had already met someone else. The issue is he got with his ex's mate..

What would you have them do? Have you read the OPs posts?

I get that you weren’t the OW but most women don’t go sniffing round their friend’s ex. So I can see why your ex friend doesn’t like you and of course her Dd will take her mums side. Choices have consequences.