Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

I'm literally stating what has happened, maybe you read messages in the wrong tone 😂😂😂

When your friend who was a shoulder to cry on about a divorce shags your ex husband then come back and see if you think the same 😁😁😁 OR you are the OP on a different username 😂

I’m sorry. @Chewitally.
Your relationship with the bride — and perhaps her mother? — has obviously coloured her reasons for not including you.
It hurts, it’s embarrassing, it’s humiliating — but there you are just the same.
You don’t have a pass to go just because you’re her dad’s wife. This is her day, and the best way to respond is to gracefully stay out of it no matter how much it hurts.
And I know it hurts a lot.
We don’t make the rules.

Because she’s his daughter and he might want to keep a relationship with her

So you only want an invitation so you can snub her, not because you give a shit about her or your relationship with her. And you're pissed off because she denied you the opportunity by snubbing you first.

It's a miracle you ever had a friendship with her family to start with if this is how you treat people.

My goodness OP, you don’t want to go anyways just leave it.

I think it would help you to accept the most people would have an issue with the fact that you hooked up with your friend’s ex husband. It doesn’t matter that she was in another relationship, he was her husband and the father of her kids. Your own kids share this view and it really not an unreasonable one.

The fact the SD has invited your DD suggests that she has moved on to some degree, but if she doesn’t appear to like you, and you speak scornfully about her.

Being at someone’s wedding “on principal” is no fun for anyone.

You say the ex wife told you a load of lies about your now partner but has it never occurred to you that she might be telling the truth? That people can behave differently in different relationships? My own DH married the first time when he was very young and behaved, by his own admission, like an immature and irresponsible twat.
I met him many years after his divorce and he’d grown up since then and is nothing like that now. He definitely was then though!

Op, you seem either entirely unwilling or unable to see anyone else’s point of view in this. You shit on your own doorstep and, irrespective of ages, you are the “parent” here and she is the “child”. Start acting like it. It is her wedding day, start putting her and your dh first, because your saying you probably wouldnt have gone even if she invited you is beyond childish. Which is exactly what you are accusing SD of being??

No, not my spouse. So what? I did not say I get mad if the world doesn’t act like he is. You just made another assumption!

How am I identifying as married? Oh, right, another assumption.

Irrational? An assumption?

If people that know me didn’t acknowledge that I am in a committed relationship it would feel disrespectful, to me and the most important person in my life.

I'm sorry but as I've already said its a complicated family situation, as is common these days.
And I accept that OP getting together with her friend's ex 2 years after the divorce is not ideal.
But these things happen and I just find some of the moral outrage about this ott in the scheme of things.
You are entitled to your view. I'm entitled to mine.

Gosh so many horrid judgmental posts! What is it with English people and "morals"? The OP hasn't done anything remotely wrong and she is more than entitled to question why she wasn't invited to her step daughter's wedding

I think you should read all of the OPs replies. She comes across as thoroughly nasty and belligerent.

And yes, getting with your friend's ex is wrong on every level.

You need to be the better person here and insist your DH goes. Let's be honest, it would be weird and uncomfortable for your SD'd mom, your ex-friend to have you there and SHE is the mother of the bride.

I am sure it hurts but you are going to have to cope. Her father NEEDS to be at her wedding. It really should not even be an option. Just untwist your knickers, put on your grown-up face and make sure your DH goes to his daughter's wedding. He is trying to please you and you need to NOT guilt him.

So what, is this character assassination? She may come across as nasty but inviting the OP's daughter and not her is beyond rude and somewhat manipulative of the SD:

Why is it wrong objectively?

Not really to be fair. I know a lot of unmarried couples who’ve outlasted married couples. Who would say was say was more committed and more in love?

I disagree. Just a girlfriend? Not his missus? I’m guessing you’re not Australian? They are long term partners. I don’t know where you live that not married means not committed or serious. She is not NOTHING to him. OP is the most important person in his life. In HIS life. She is the person who supports him etc. His daughter has her own life and it sounds like she doesn’t make much effort with him.

Twelve years on the daughter is still sulking about a relationship her father chose to have with a family friend. What a waste of time and energy!

I think "girl code" is a bit of a croc of shit. Women don't need different rules in society. We frown on "bro code" when it is to the to detrimental of women but then talk about girl code. We also need to get over the idea that people "belong" to other people.

If I fell in love with someone who used to be in a relationship with a friend, depending on the level of friendship and why they split up I might pursue a relationship. However, I wouldn't ever expect everyone to just be "ok" with it. So I would have weighed up the value of the relationship with the man against the value of the relationship with those who might disappear from my life. From that point on you can't control how people react or what they say or do.

I think it's also worth thinking about why your own child was so willing to believe "a pack of lies" about you. And then I'd focus on rebuilding the relationship with my own children instead of getting so angry at being rejected by your SD.

Why is it rude? She doesn't get on with the SD, so why would the SD invite her? And the OP said she wouldn't go anyway. So she only wants an invite so she can snub it.

Actually, ironically I am Australian. And while we may have DeFacto relationships here, they still lack the legal recognition and rights and benefits of marriage. Its the same in the UK where DeFacto isn't even a thing.

The daughter is entitled to feel what she wants. And, the fact that OPs own children (and own daughter) disagree with OP suggests SD is right in her actions..

yes but in terms of how that affects the daughter, OP is now reapling what she sowed. Human feelings aren't "logical"

TBH given what we've seen here, I'd likely react the same as her DPs daughter.

I didn’t invite my dad’s partner of 10 years to my wedding, she’s also with my mums ex-friend 🤷🏽‍♀️

She isn’t my step mum, we have no relationship because I don’t feel anything towards her and if he had chosen not to come on his own then so be it but that would have been the very end of any relationship I had with my dad.

It’s interesting reading your replies OP, had I read the same in my situation I’d have realised very quickly how right I was not inviting you.

Look maybe just maybe not everyone’s a poison witch and when even your own child sides with the ex and her child you are the problem.

Your own daughter who you raised who watched everything from your side still thinks you are an arse it speaks volumes.

No bullshit girl code either just out and out disloyalty to a friend. Thats all. You were all friends. She cried on your shoulder about their problems and their divorce and then 2 years later your together. That’s a shitty friend full stop and the children all seem to think the same.

Doesn’t matter if the ex wife has a new man it’s not like she shagged your daughter’s dad.

The best her ex husband could do was shag her mate that’s a low bar from both of you. Talk about shitting on your own doorsteps.

Whatever the reason, he should go as asked. Let other people talk about why you’re not invited but if you stop him that’s it for ever

Because it's her wedding, she can invite who she likes, and she's not obliged to invite someone she dislikes, who dislikes her, with whom she has no relationship, who tries to turn her father against her, and only wants to be invited so she can throw it back in the bride's face.

Will that do?

No, I’m not the OP. 😅😅. (see my post at 16.47 for more info)

There was a group of people, some got divorced, a couple got together. Two years later from what I’ve read. Been together for 10 years.

I don’t understand the vitriol aimed at the OP. Even if the ex wife felt betrayed by her ex husband getting into a relationship with a friend of theirs, it’s 12 years people. The daughter is acting as if the OP has done something unforgivable. Her parents were divorced.

No wonder there’s so much anger & violence in the world with the views the majority on here are crapping on with!

You and partners daughter do not like each other. So even if the reason for that is irrelevant, I don’t know why you would expect an invite to her wedding. The bride and groom presumably want to share their day with people they love and care about ( isn’t that the point of a wedding). You aren’t one of those people.
Have you actually spent the last 10 years trying to develop a relationship with her, with no success. If so, you have done what you can and need to accept that it isn’t going
to happen.

Because his daughter is getting married?? He will irreparably damage his relationship with his daughter if he doesn't go!

You don't get on, you don't want to go it seems like you're stuck on your principles here that you 'should' be invited which seems a really silly reason to cause all this fuss tbh...