Not sure what I make of this - DD and boyfriends Mum (TW discussion about abortion)

[Mybodymychoiceorherchoice]

Dd and her boyfriend are both 17, both good, sensible kids, have jobs , go to college, nice mates, don't drink, don't live in each others pockets either. They have been seeing each other for close to a year.

Dd is on the pill, and they also use condoms. Neither want a baby, dd strongly believes in a woman's right to choose, but she doesn't think she would be able to have an abortion if an accident happened, her and her boyfriend have discussed this so he knows.

Dd was on antibiotics recently and they had an accident, I went with dd and got her the MAP right away (her request) and all was fine.

This, however, has inspired a chat from her boyfriends Mum, who now also wants to meet me to discuss this.

She sat dd down over the weekend and told her that if she were to fall pregnant that she absolutely has to get an abortion, no ifs ands or buts, and that neither her, or a baby would be welcomed if she should choose to keep it (obviously if she became pregnant).

The mum has requested I meet her, we discuss this and sit and present it to them and basically say neither of us would support them, they would be kicked out etc (it was a very long text and not quite as blatant as that, but that's the jist).

I've had very few dealings with this woman, she seemed nice enough, always treated dd kindly, but this is shitty right?

I'm obviously not going to bully my daughter into being terrified to come to me if she were to get pregnant, and I would support her in whatever her choice was 100%, so I don't even know what to say to this woman for the sake of family harmony, because, currently, I want to tell her to fuck off.

It's very unlikely dd will fall pregnant anyway given how sensible they are being, so there's no need for this chat to happen at all.

Dd knows I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, and that includes the choice not to have an abortion too.

I need to tell this woman I'm not having this chat, that I would support my daughter, and I'm not wiling to gang up on, and terrify, a couple of teens about a situation that's very unlikely to happen anyway, but in a neutral way so I don't piss her off and destroy the relationship she has with dd.

I also have sons and I just wouldn't ever dream of saying shit like this to their girlfriends.

Wtf is with all the nitpicking on this thread? I think it's great that OP's daughter can talk to her about this stuff - some posters are acting as if she tells her in graphic detail every time she has sex. Also they sound very sensible - she probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant from that incident but better safe than sorry.

Honestly, dd has absolutely no need to lie to me, if they got carried away and forgot to use a condom she would have said so. I'm not sure why people are making on like dd is secretly trying to 'baby trap' her bf somehow, or that she has lied to me.

Then if you have such severe diarrhea that it's effecting medication that is the same with the pill whether you are on antibiotics or not. You would most likely be hospital with dehydration if it was that severe that surely the drs would be aware that none of your medication would be working effectively and altering doses to suit. I'm not arguing that severe diarrhea can effect the absorption of medication I'm saying that their is a myth floating about that a lot of people believe that the antibiotics cancel out the pill and it's just not true except for one kind which is used to treat tb and a dr would explain this to you when it was being prescribed

So kids aren't abused in relationships and parents won't have to suffer
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c75l3l35zd3o

Does ~DD and boyfriend know about his mother's barmy request?

If so, what was their reaction?

He is staying over this weekend? So you are letting them pretend they are in an adult relationship?

are you actually trying to sabotage your DD’s future?

This thread has really attracted some batshit responses!

what the fuck?

She is angry and has massively overstepped in reacting to a hypothetical situation -you are angry in response to a REAL situation. In which your Dd has been inappropriately harrassed and you have had inappropriate demands made on you-all of which aremisogynist in the context of a woman's rigyt to choose and a man's responsibility to recognise that and make his choices accordingly.

Enjoy your anger!

(until lovely boyfriend arrives at the weekend) Good lord - fancy a situation in which a teen boy has more respect for a young woman than a grown woman does!

(I am a mother of boys)

Of course I'm trying to sabotage her future 🤨

It's not like she sensible and I trust her or anything.

I should put my foot down and stop them from seeing each other immediately because they had an accident and then took all the correct precautions afterwards.

That'll show 'em.

but my point was… multiple times?

every year you and your children do the freedom programme… is it something that changes yearly? genuine question

it lasts for 11-12 weeks!

Dd does, shes annoyed but just wants to keep the peace at this point as its just been 1 instance so far, shes going to see how things play out next time she is there.

She has had a conversation with her boyfriend as well that I haven't asked about as that's between them, and it's got to be a very tough position for him to be in. As rough as its been on my dd, I also feel for him as well.

She's talking to your DD as if she is a silly little girl, and even then it would be a disrespectful way of doing it.

“we really respect how seriously you both take contraception but maybe when DD is on antibiotics in future, you abstain”

That’s the long and short of it really

do they share a bed at both your home and his?

After the first time doing it fully , we just use parts of it to refresh our learning rather than sitting doing the whole thing in depth again. It takes maybe 1 or 2 hours and then we have some discussions about things that have happened through the year as well, so all in all its probably 4 hours a year.

We have access to it all the time if we need it also.

My sons don't do it anymore, but they have done it, maybe 5 or 6 times.

It hasn't changed since we have been doing it, no.

I can't believe how much stick the OP is getting.

You honestly sound wonderful and i can only hope my daughter is as comfortable with me as yours is with you.

Your doing an amazing job!!!

Very wise

Yes because banning him from staying over will stop them having sex 😂

OP - you sound great and coming from someone who couldn’t talk to their parents about anything, I really admire it. I hope to be like this with my kids when they are teens

Well done for remaining so calm. I'd have flown into a rage if someone had spoken to my DD like that.

I'd also have been clear that I will ALWAYS support my DD, pregnant or not, and if it came to that, the father of her child too.

@Mybodymychoiceorherchoice you’ve raised a really mature and sensible young woman.

And as the child who saw their father abuse their DM, I think your approach to educating your children about healthy relationships and what to be wary of is really valuable. So many of us grow up with skewed ideas of what’s normal and with poor boundaries.

The comments about your daughter’s contraceptive decisions and your parenting are totally unwarranted. Both of you should keep on doing what you’re doing because you sound like you have a great relationship.

You sound great OP - well done for doing everything you can to protect and inform all of your children on healthy relationships,

I too think you sound like a fantastic mum. Your DD is amazingly lucky to have a parent that she can talk to about any problem.

In your shoes I would be extending that same olive branch to her boyfriend as well. He clearly doesn't get the same level of support at home and, while you don't want to be accused of leading him astray or putting ideas in his head, he could possibly benefit from also having someone he can talk to honestly and openly.

I dare say the kids sound more sensible than his mum!