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Original poster

Police brought son home

182 replies

Purplehydra · 31/10/2024 08:45

Feel ill
he was terrified
they got stopped cos they all ran off cos someone let off a firework. It wasn’t him or his friends.
got searched and they found weed. That they had bought the night before for the very first time.
thet handcuffed him
they were very nice
he’s 17
wtf?!!
he’s a really good kid, they just wanted to try it.
hes autistic and has adhd, not sure that’s relevant here

OP posts:
Mog65 · 31/10/2024 14:08

Maybe have a word with your good kid and be thankful the police are not charging him! Autism is not an excuse for being a wee shit.

Singleandproud · 31/10/2024 14:09

@oakleaffy the Autism Awareness cards are to alert to the police that the individual has autism, may react inappropriately (like laughing when being told off) and can include emergency contact information.

Under deep stress some autistic people may lose the ability to talk in a shutdown and not be able to advocate for themselves or may meltdown physically and verbally but may be able to hand over the card or will find it when searching them. Being able to pass the card over allows the police to work in a better way and many forces are now trained to do so. They'll ring the emergency contact and can reduce sensory overload by turning off sirens and lights etc.

It isn't a "Get out of Prison" card but an awareness card. There have been many tragic cases where autistic people have been treated poorly by the police due to their behaviour being perceived in the wrong way when simple adjustments could have had a entirely different ending.

Blaggoshpereish · 31/10/2024 14:11
  1. Hope this is learning experience. 100% lucky police have warning, but he’s on the radar.
  2. The excuse “it’s not mine”. “Holding for a friend” it’s “first time” should be treated as lies.
  3. I appreciate his ND, likely makes him more likely to misjudge friendship/look for excitement…. He needs to decide to distance himself from this friend group - immediately. He’s grounded. Try to figure out which friends are the most risky.
  4. The kids who smoke/trouble/running around streets all know what their parents think, and do the bad stuff anyway.

Hopefully he is feeling sick / upset enough to want to change.

Stealinghollywood · 31/10/2024 14:12

You sound ridiculously naive to think this is his first time with drugs and to believe he didn’t get involved with the firework throwing.

FriendlyFriend · 31/10/2024 14:14

Hopefully its a good deterrent for him. In the grand scheme of things, what hes been caught for/associated with is not huge. You should say to him to consider if those friends who legged it are really good to hang around with. You sound a good mum x

sprigatito · 31/10/2024 14:14

For goodness sake, nobody is saying that autism and ADHD are a "get out of jail free" card, and nor should they be. They do affect every aspect of a person's life, however, including 1) how they behave in social situations and under pressure, 2) impulsivity and decision making, 3) how and why they might use drugs, and 4) how they need to be treated in police custody and supported to avoid further offending. The police need to know if someone is ND, and parents of ND offenders need advice that takes the child's needs into account. Not a barrage of bosom-hoiking nonsense about how autism is "no excuse" and her son doesn't deserve a life after committing such heinous crimes Hmm

AdviceNeeded2024 · 31/10/2024 14:20

Not read the whole thread so sorry if this has been asked, has he definitely had a caution and do you know how much weed he had on him? Generally they will give a cannabis warning before a caution for personal use if first time and no other convictions/cautions….

Scarfitwere · 31/10/2024 14:24

oakleaffy · 31/10/2024 12:51

Very true- It isn't a ''get out of jail free'' card that some like to think it is.

Edit...ANYONE can buy one of those ''I am Autistic'' cards for 50p according to the website.

Edited
Show quote history

Like those bloody sunflower lanyards that people buy for attention...they scream 'steer clear I'm difficult' to me

Singleandproud · 31/10/2024 14:31

@Scarfitwere well let's hope you never have a child who experiences situational mutism or shutdowns and can communicate when needed to as they grew into independent young people.

The cards are not just for the Police if the person is in trouble, or even a victim, but the ambulance service or fire service if in a road or other accident. For a shop keeper / librarian or cafe owner in the many Safe Spaces within the community or for anyone that maybe around to help the vulnerable person if in distress or lost.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 31/10/2024 14:47

Op, we ALL want to believe the best of our children, of course we do.
Hopefully this, incident will give him a massive fright.
My youngest was always in trouble when younger.
The police left a card through the door one day (I was at work). I had to take him to station after school (he was 15) The lovely policeman gave him a "tour" of station and cells and showed him his future if he continued smoking weed and fighting. He Has been an angel since (now 23).
My mantra was always "actions have consequences"
Good luck

Delphiniumandlupins · 31/10/2024 14:50

I think it's good this incident has given him a scare and probably made you aware of needing to address some issues that are more likely to come up as he gets older.
His age and the nature of the offence may mean that the caution won't show up on a Standard or Enhanced DBS but it would be worth having a good check on this. (He needs to know this so he doesn't declare it unnecessarily).

Miyagi99 · 31/10/2024 15:00

Getonwitit · 31/10/2024 11:27

He is such a good kid, of course he is, only the good ones buy illegal drugs and run from the Police, the criminals don't !

Do you think your son is so special that the law don't apply to him and the Police should just turn a blind eye to his criminal activities ?

Oh come on! Bit of weed and you would run from the police, they wouldn’t do anything about it though (as proven here). Fireworks are another matter however.

DreadPirateRobots · 31/10/2024 15:02

Honestly, if you have older teens and you've never heard of county lines, and you believed two of the oldest excuses in the book (right up there with "I was holding it for a friend"), you need to de-naive yourself pretty quickly. Read up on the issues affecting teens currently, and bear in mind that teens will absolutely, 100% admit to the minimum possible wrongdoing they can.

Miyagi99 · 31/10/2024 15:03

Blaggoshpereish · 31/10/2024 14:11

  1. Hope this is learning experience. 100% lucky police have warning, but he’s on the radar.
  2. The excuse “it’s not mine”. “Holding for a friend” it’s “first time” should be treated as lies.
  3. I appreciate his ND, likely makes him more likely to misjudge friendship/look for excitement…. He needs to decide to distance himself from this friend group - immediately. He’s grounded. Try to figure out which friends are the most risky.
  4. The kids who smoke/trouble/running around streets all know what their parents think, and do the bad stuff anyway.

Hopefully he is feeling sick / upset enough to want to change.

Want to change 😂He’s an older teenager with a bit of weed on him, hardly crime of the century. I don’t partake myself but know plenty who do and you can get it legally in the UK now too. Sure the police have bigger issues, particularly the fireworks.

pleasehelpwi3 · 31/10/2024 15:04

Handcuffs hurt- I had them put on gently in a demonstration at school (kids loved it!)- and hopefully the whole thing will have scared him shitless.
As others have said, don't believe the first time stuff.

user47 · 31/10/2024 15:10

PP suggesting the behaviour is fine, seriously WTF? The time to say they did not want to come was BEFORE their mother spent the money. The ungrateful 19 yo is appalling - a grown adult feeling entitled to his mothers money like that is grim.

user47 · 31/10/2024 15:11

Sorry wrong thread - reported myself

TallulahBetty · 31/10/2024 15:15

pilates · 31/10/2024 08:55

Let’s hope the experience will put him off trying weed again but I would be surprised if it’s the first time.

Why would you be?

SilverChampagne · 31/10/2024 15:15

Purplehydra · 31/10/2024 12:18

He knows what he’s done, he knows how serious it is. He couldnt feel any worse.

im not sure how taking his phone off him or stopping his pocket money would help the situation. he hates disappointing me.
just because I can stay calm doesn’t mean I’m ok.

he hates disappointing me.
Didn’t stop him acting the dick, did it?
Don’t rely on that to keep him on the straight and narrow…

Barney60 · 31/10/2024 15:16

Well done to the police, hopefully it will of scared your son and his friends into not doing it or anything else ever again, agree with an earlier poster you now need to show him how upset you are with him.

Damnloginpopup · 31/10/2024 15:17

It's a lesson.

TallulahBetty · 31/10/2024 15:20

Miyagi99 · 31/10/2024 15:03

Want to change 😂He’s an older teenager with a bit of weed on him, hardly crime of the century. I don’t partake myself but know plenty who do and you can get it legally in the UK now too. Sure the police have bigger issues, particularly the fireworks.

Show quote history

Aaaaaand this is why we have a booming MH crisis in this country, from people that believe weed is harmless.

CraverSpud · 31/10/2024 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 31/10/2024 15:20

TallulahBetty · 31/10/2024 15:15

Why would you be?

Show quote history

What are the odds of being searched by police and found to be possessing an illegal substance just after the very first time you buy it?

Blaggoshpereish · 31/10/2024 15:21

Miyagi99 · 31/10/2024 15:03

Want to change 😂He’s an older teenager with a bit of weed on him, hardly crime of the century. I don’t partake myself but know plenty who do and you can get it legally in the UK now too. Sure the police have bigger issues, particularly the fireworks.

Show quote history

Would OP be crying on MN if she thought it was funny police brought her son home?

Weed is illegal. No one buying it “legally” and not at 17!!! No sure who is giving you advice about the law … your dealer??

So are fireworks under 18.

Maybe you think it’s not a big issue, maybe police seen more kids lose a finger or eye w fireworks.

Believe it or not, some parents don’t want their kids breaking the law. Or enjoy being the other mum on MN got social care visiting her because partner smokes “a bit of weed” & she’s pregnant.