Police brought son home

[Purplehydra]

Feel ill
he was terrified
they got stopped cos they all ran off cos someone let off a firework. It wasn’t him or his friends.
got searched and they found weed. That they had bought the night before for the very first time.
thet handcuffed him
they were very nice
he’s 17
wtf?!!
he’s a really good kid, they just wanted to try it.
hes autistic and has adhd, not sure that’s relevant here

He knows what he’s done, he knows how serious it is. He couldnt feel any worse.

im not sure how taking his phone off him or stopping his pocket money would help the situation. he hates disappointing me.
just because I can stay calm doesn’t mean I’m ok.

I understand your shock at having the Police turn up at your door. It sounds at first instance as if the Police have taken quite a measured approach. Quick word with the parents so that you can deal with it from here. I would consider taking some legal advice just in case they come back. A caution would have some implications for future careers including the Police and some social care/social work roles so take some care. Though if he has been caught with weed on his person options may be limited.

Disappointing you is not enough. He needs to feel the pain on this one. Phone for a month sounds proportionate.

I’m horrified at this, absolutely horrified.

First time they bought weed. How unlucky.

Okay then.

Appalling behaviour?

He's seventeen and it's a "tiny bit of weed" and a firework! He's 17!

Hopefully for OP's sake he never does anything actually bad, MumsNet will be calling for a life sentence! 🙄

There a lot of peer pressure round weed, vaping etc - I’m in London and for the kids that are going to try it, 14 seems to be the age they are trying it. I’m not making light of it but they can get drugs off instagram, they don’t need older siblings or to have a connection to get it. It’s probably a bit of a rite of passage to try it. The whole of popular culture is full of drugs and sex - it’s not surprising they want to try it.

Ex cop here. We did that many times. Once the immediate situation is over and has been assessed and dealt with, sometimes a quick trip back home and leaving it with the parents tidies an incident up in a low key way.
What happens at home is down to the parents. If he reoffends, it's likely there won't be the trip back home, but off to the nick.
Over to you now. Actions = consequences.
Use it as learning , both for him and the parents.

Nothing is ever removed from your criminal record. Ever.

I think you should repost this in the SEN forum. You'll get more sensitive and supportive responses, and you won't have to deal with ignorant crap like "autism and ADHD isn't relevant"

Of course it is relevant. These developmental conditions impact impulse control and decision making, and self medicating with weed is incredibly common, especially among young men. He hasn't ruined his life, even if he does end up with a youth caution, but he will need support to avoid going down a very dangerous route if he's using illegal drugs to mitigate his symptoms, and if he's struggling to make good decisions in social situations.

No he doesn’t

I don’t know what county lines means

Honestly, at least he came home with both his eyes and all his fingers... there'll be some this season who won't.

I can understand you're upset, but you can turn this into a learning experience by staying calm and handling it right. Even with different abilities, it's important that he understands there are some rules that apply to everyone. It will help him the longer run.

17, though, such a sticky age... 🤗

He has in the short term. No Civil Service career with NSV checks and it may be a barrier in other areas of employment but overall, not really a massive impact.

I don’t know what county lines means

It's when vulnerable young adults/teens get used by drug gangs to store/deliver drugs.

I suggest you look this up, OP. People like your son are vulnerable to being drawn into it.

I'd get him an autism card.

And find out about county lines and talk to him about it. AuDHD teenage boys are particularly vulnerable because they don't see the red flags in an older cooler person taking an interest in them and wanting to be friends. Then the older person will tell them you're the one I can trust, can you just take this to a friend's - and they are flattered and do it, it will be a small amount of drugs. The next thing they know they are transporting drugs around the country for gangs. It's a real problem.

It doesn't sound like this is what is happening here. But it is relevant to his vulnerability to county lines to note it was that YOUR son was the one holding it when it was a collective purchase - and my guess is that's because he is the one who is either easily manipulated into being the one who holds on to it, or he impulsively volunteers.

Google 'County Lines'

Your son needs educating about these, so he doesn't get sucked in.

As @ainkeepsfalling has written.

They will make out he is their friends, buy him things so keep an eye out for new phones or other gadgets so that he is in their debt. Then ask him to do favours for him by delivering a parcel to X person then they mug him so he is in more debt and is generally an awful but seemingly common cycle across the nation. I'm not saying he is involved with it yet but if he is messing around with drugs and those that supply them he is potentially at risk.

More County Lines info for parents

What an unfortunate coincidence that someone else let off a firework and that it was the first time he had any weed upon his person.

No he won't be in any trouble with the police, sorry to say you do sound pretty gullible! As some PPs have mentioned my biggest concern would be nipping weed use in the bud, he is vulnerable to county lines etc.

''First time he had weed'' and got caught...What are the chances of that happening?!

@Purplehydra - The police normally have better things to do that to handcuff teenagers, so these teens must have been behaving in a way that attracted the public's attention for someone to have called the police.

It's possible that someone else set off the firework and they ran despite having nothing to do with it. It's also possible that they coincidentally bought weed for the first time and had it on their person.

You have to ask yourself, how likely is it that both of those things are true?

I think that you are being pretty naive.

Oh, love. You're being naive.

You do realise he WAS involved with the fireworks and this WASN'T the first time with the weed, don't you, OP?

Don't you??

Hopefully this has been a jolt, a learning experience that he'll take seriously.

And you'll see your little boy is not that any more.

See it as a great opportunity now for discussing lots of big things like decisions, consequences, choice of friends, conscience, morality etc.

Wake up - and educate yourself. Young people with ADHD etc are very vulnerable to grooming by drugs gangs:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63759703

He is at massive risk of being taken advantage of by county lines due to his naivety due to his disabilities

First thing I thought of. How can you have a 17yo and not have heard of county lines???

Time for a big wake up call

My cousin got a maximum prison sentence when he was younger for something linked to his AuADHD. First offence, and nothing heinous. I think a lot MNers seem to thing that SEND is a pass and police/the courts will overlook more than they actually will.

Very true- It isn't a ''get out of jail free'' card that some like to think it is.

Edit...ANYONE can buy one of those ''I am Autistic'' cards for 50p according to the website.