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Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

617 replies

Sharrilanda · 29/10/2024 11:48

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

OP posts:
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23
Newnametoday5 · 21/11/2024 23:57

There's whisperings of a new invention. Some kynde of chare with strange pipes and underground magic happenings! We are to sit upon this chare and do our daily doings! What madness?! But wait there is more to telle!

We then pull a string and watch the doings vanish!! Such sorcery can stay without!!

This evil will not be welcome in my dwelling and I shall tell all my neighbours to protest most strongly! We will not give up our cheery morning social discourse as we throw out our foulings and piss from our doors and windows.

👍💩

Giggorata · 22/11/2024 00:20

The mother of mine husband has dwelt with us and our eleven children these eight summers. I think it not unreasonable to expect her to assist in the housewifery, to earn her daily bread.
Nothing of great trouble, just keeling the pots, going down to the river to wash the linen, herding the geese and restoring the thatch on our hovel.

She is an aged crone of six and forty but has been sprightly and willing up until this last twelve month. But she is lately neglecting her household tasks, and forsooth, has taken to wandering about at night out on the Heath.

She is bringing all sorts of leaves and flowers into the hovel, which she does boil in a cauldron on the fire and causes all sorts of stincke.
She has procured a catte from I know not where; admittedly, he is of some use for the vermin. She has filled the hovel with her stones and herbs, so that we scarce canst move.
I have heard her muttering strange words in the night when we are at slumber, and also noise of wild and unseemly mirth.

I am sorely tried by these, as I fear that her wits are becoming addled due to her great age, and she will become a burden, which will then be my lot.
I already have the children, the fowl and the goat in my charge, and I can do no more.
Mine husband, of course, cares little about any of this, and will do nothing. He toils from dawn till dusk in the fields, and does not see what I do.
AIBU to approach the nunnery? The sisters take in those who need such tender care.
(If I am an honest woman, it would also be pleasant to have the bedde to ourselves and the four youngest, too.)

Larrythebloodycat · 22/11/2024 04:38

everywhichway · 20/11/2024 19:58

Thou wouldst be well-advised to be more cautious Mistress Howard. I hear he is much taken with thee.

Thou art gracious Madam, but I am not one to lose my hedde over a man.

everywhichway · 22/11/2024 08:40

Larrythebloodycat · 22/11/2024 04:38

Thou art gracious Madam, but I am not one to lose my hedde over a man.

I dids't hear Mistress Boleyn say similar once. She dost not say such things now.

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/11/2024 00:27

Art thou making plannes for Yuletide?

Methinks I wouldst serve a 3 bird roast and turnips. Twould feed mine husband and our childe and twould verily wipe the smile off the face of his mother (the olde crone) who likes to sneer at my efforts.

Then we would feast on sweets and fruits.

Husbande would then drink too much malmsey wine and made, and once in his cups would fall into a drunken stupor. I wouldst then paint mine face with the lead paint just like good Queen Bess and disappear to the tavern.

FuzzyPuffling · 27/11/2024 08:03

Ah Yule. We be 'aving turnip, with a side of turnip and a lovely mud sauce.

InMySpareTime · 27/11/2024 08:21

The Childers love carving runes (just scribbles really, they're only young) into the Yule Log before burning in the fire to welcome in the new year.
Last year my eldest carved a very passable Green Man into the log, and it fair glowed as the fire took hold.
I reckon she's been looking at the carvings on the hill, because that Green Man was extremely well endowed IYSWIM 🍆

everywhichway · 27/11/2024 11:03

Mine OH hath just retrievéd the yuletide illuminations from our fusty attic and is presently inspecting the condition of the wax, wicks etc. I am learning many new words whilst he doth this.

Mabelface · 27/11/2024 16:54

I shall travel to the dwellings of mine grown childers, where they can attend to mine needs.

EducatingArti · 28/11/2024 15:57

I am travelling verily to the dwelying of my aging mother whom, in the way of suche things is entered into the 7th age of mankinde! She will not be attending to myne needs but me to hers. However, myne own sister and the gentileman with whom she liveth in sinne will also attend and will enliven the seasonne somewhatte. I anticipayte with great longing my returne to mine own abode and the greate lye in I will have on the feast of ye Holye Innocents.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/11/2024 16:15

Verily, @EducatingArti thou mother is indeed a great age. Hast she all her own teeth, or wilt thou have to chew her mud for her?

SinnerBoy · 28/11/2024 16:25

Do these mangel wurzels look fine to eat? They have many a soggy black spot upon their rinds. Will I kill my family, should I serve them for evening repast?

I'm sure I remember a notice on this very subject, posted on the church door. Something about turning them into wine?

Larrythebloodycat · 28/11/2024 16:37

Tryonemoretime · 03/11/2024 19:05

My OH, King Wenceslas The Good, went out with his page yesterday evening on one of his mercy missions and has not yet returned home. Is it too soon to send a search party out into the snow, or should I just wait for it to thaw?

Shouldst say naught and aske for this thredde to be deleted. If it comes to light that thy OH spent the nyte alone in the forest with a minor, he will most like be dryven from office and sent into exile.

Tryonemoretime · 28/11/2024 17:11

Oops!

Tryonemoretime · 28/11/2024 17:12

And oops again!

EducatingArti · 28/11/2024 17:16

FuzzyPuffling · 28/11/2024 16:15

Verily, @EducatingArti thou mother is indeed a great age. Hast she all her own teeth, or wilt thou have to chew her mud for her?

She is sans teeth and her eyes be oneth their way owt also. But although somme say it be wychcrafte, she has purchaysed at great coste these replayceyment teeth. Somme alyso saye they are sourced from the bodeysnatcheres. I fynd I best not to question y sorce too closely. So verily she maye chew her owne mud and also y turnippe. She insisteth also on the bitter vegytable that hath origines as far afield as y Burgundian Netherlandes and says that one mayst not celybrate the Chrystimasse feast without. I have warned her that withe this vegytable and her magik teeth, she is in danger of being accused as a witch but she mutteres somethyng regarding the pryst beingye notte able to manyge without her rych donation to ye roofe funde! I fear she maye be of feeble mynde though tis true she has goodly wealthe.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/11/2024 17:53

Ah @EducatingArti thy deere mother soundeth as though she maye be in deepest trouble with ye Witchfinder Specific if she is chewing upon ye green bobble vegetables. As we all knowest well, they are ye fruit of ye Devil Himself and should be avoided by all righte-thinking folk. Also, bewarest thou ye foul after effects and prepare to run.

EducatingArti · 28/11/2024 18:29

@FuzzyPuffling indeede, I knoweth waye too muche information about Her bowyles as it do stand! Ye green rounde vegytable ist verily y symbole of evyl. Though I feere ye Witchfinder maye have indeed met his matche in mye deere mother as she hath taught y younge childer for manye yeers and wyll maketh hym feel lyk a very naughty boy!

FuzzyPuffling · 28/11/2024 18:43

Aha, mayhap she will turne upon ye Witchfinder and makest him consume a goodly bowl of ye green vegetables ( mud sauce optional) before he is allowed put to playe. I thinkest this will be a Great Finale to his doings and many crones will be greatfulle for your deere mother's foresight.

Sharrilanda · 09/05/2025 07:49

Resurrecting thys olde threade to tell thee myne childer used “thither” yesterday in the new worlde “text message”.
There may be salvation yet!

OP posts:
DisabledDemon · 09/05/2025 13:07

Giggorata · 22/11/2024 00:20

The mother of mine husband has dwelt with us and our eleven children these eight summers. I think it not unreasonable to expect her to assist in the housewifery, to earn her daily bread.
Nothing of great trouble, just keeling the pots, going down to the river to wash the linen, herding the geese and restoring the thatch on our hovel.

She is an aged crone of six and forty but has been sprightly and willing up until this last twelve month. But she is lately neglecting her household tasks, and forsooth, has taken to wandering about at night out on the Heath.

She is bringing all sorts of leaves and flowers into the hovel, which she does boil in a cauldron on the fire and causes all sorts of stincke.
She has procured a catte from I know not where; admittedly, he is of some use for the vermin. She has filled the hovel with her stones and herbs, so that we scarce canst move.
I have heard her muttering strange words in the night when we are at slumber, and also noise of wild and unseemly mirth.

I am sorely tried by these, as I fear that her wits are becoming addled due to her great age, and she will become a burden, which will then be my lot.
I already have the children, the fowl and the goat in my charge, and I can do no more.
Mine husband, of course, cares little about any of this, and will do nothing. He toils from dawn till dusk in the fields, and does not see what I do.
AIBU to approach the nunnery? The sisters take in those who need such tender care.
(If I am an honest woman, it would also be pleasant to have the bedde to ourselves and the four youngest, too.)

Hath she (and ye members of her aged, hairy coven) recently met with a Scottish lord and proclaimed that he will yet be king? Does she consort with a hag of dread appearance named Hecate? Most importantly, is her cat named Grimalkin?

If these are true then verily, I say unto you, she is fucked.

(I'd keep the cat, though. The destruction of the pestilential vermin is of extraordinary value so who careth that its eyes glow like hell-pits in the dark?)

Giggorata · 09/05/2025 15:43

Indeed, Grimalkin (for this he is named) hath eyen that are afire in the darkness, which caused us all to be sore afraid in the first moon.
But soon he would follow us to the midden at night if we needed to pass water or stool, and his eyen helped light the way, so mine husband softened his hearte towards the beast and gave him leve to stay.

I know nothing of the Scottish gentry, nor does the mother of mine husband, for we are simple folk of the Heath, and do not consort with such, apart from when mine husband and I were wed, when our Lord did come to take his rights, and had his way with me on our wedding night.
(I think of this often when he rides by, handsome and comely in leather top boots and flowing cloak. It does cause me to catch my breath and fan myself for the heat)

But the mother of mine husband does indeed consort wyth an unruly crowde of ragged and noisy crones, who doth vex the whole village wyth their unseemly ways; pleasure in drinking ale and dancing - I know not where it will ende.

DisabledDemon · 09/05/2025 20:02

Giggorata · 09/05/2025 15:43

Indeed, Grimalkin (for this he is named) hath eyen that are afire in the darkness, which caused us all to be sore afraid in the first moon.
But soon he would follow us to the midden at night if we needed to pass water or stool, and his eyen helped light the way, so mine husband softened his hearte towards the beast and gave him leve to stay.

I know nothing of the Scottish gentry, nor does the mother of mine husband, for we are simple folk of the Heath, and do not consort with such, apart from when mine husband and I were wed, when our Lord did come to take his rights, and had his way with me on our wedding night.
(I think of this often when he rides by, handsome and comely in leather top boots and flowing cloak. It does cause me to catch my breath and fan myself for the heat)

But the mother of mine husband does indeed consort wyth an unruly crowde of ragged and noisy crones, who doth vex the whole village wyth their unseemly ways; pleasure in drinking ale and dancing - I know not where it will ende.

Either with ye Witchfinder General or an invitation to ye Bigge Brother.

theemptinessmachine · 10/05/2025 02:28

Sharrilanda · 29/10/2024 19:59

Is this the fella of whom you speake?
I found his profile on Plenty of Trout, and you're right, it doesn't bode well.
I also heard <whispers> his first wife was his brother's widow!! 🫢

God I hope none of his descendants look like him, the ginger twat!

everywhichway · 11/07/2025 13:05

God's teeth, mine doublet, hose and codpiece be right sodden rags now. How dost thou cope in this fearful swelter?