Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

Verrily I be ragynge this day. The cart arrived from the merchant Sainsburye bearing the Christmas victuals and they didst substitute an Ox Tongue for the Syde of Beef that I had ordered. My bottle of the Baileys potion did not arrive either. The Mother of My Lord and Master arriveth on the morrow and she will sit in judgement.

Resigned that I must sally forth to the Marketplace before dawn. Perhaps I will find ye knock off Baileys at the stall of Aldi. He be not from these parts but his vegetables be very cheap.

Did they actually substitute an ox tongue @MamaBobo?

I also need to venture into ye Marketplace on the morrow and collect ye festive byrd. If Master Marks or Master Spencyr have substituted it for a different fowl I shall be most displeased

@murasaki Reallye? OMG I hade not heard thayte gossipe 😳.

Goody Smith didst tell Goody Cooper, who didst tell me, that a man clad in the robes of an angel hadst been seen entering her dwelling place....

Oh an angel was hye? Thayte olde chestnut. Such trollopey goings on. No goode wylle come of thys marke mye wordes…….

I am surprised, nay horrified at alle ye talke of (whisper it) Christmas, when my Lorde Cromwell has banished it from ye lande. It be all pagan rites and heathen ritual.
We will be syttinge in our frozen mude hutte with a week olde turnip and wille not thinke of ye previous festivities at alle. Oh no, notte us.

Lady Whiteadder, I salute you.

Myne husbande will be soon harnessing the asses for to visit the tribe Murasaki, who, to be truthful, resemble that of Cain and Abel when the moon is in widdershins. As a goode wyfe, when i departed for the market with the scroll of necessities, I didst also get a pie of festive pig for him. I am currently without sin in his eyes. Praise the Porcine Lord.

I needeth someone to lay lyeth with me, for l feareth the dark and l am told the body of another with a little insertion doth keep away witches and all things evil.

@StarlightLady thou shouldst take precautions lest ye beget a childe. Taketh a sponge and douse it on vinegar, then place it inside thine cunny. Thou will smell not unlike a chippe shoppe, but it will lay waste the seed of thine masters loins.

But l don’t liketh the vinegar! And you have erroreth, it be not mein master but a kind friend who careth for me in mein lord and masters absence. The friend keepeth me warm in bed and helpeth me sleep.

Thatte he would have done. At least drum it into him, he must be sure to make certain they go backe by another road...

Indeed. Mine neighbour, one " Mrs Herod" (call yourself a queen?) believeth her husbande has malice aforethought, and he has been manye an hour at the knife sharpener in recent dayes.

DH (the smugge git) hath located a 'chalet lodge'. On consulting ye oracle 'Tryppeadvysor' am darkly advised 'tis 'rustic'🙄

Merry Yuletide Eve goode laydes!
Hath any person taken to the road to Bethlehem for partaking this stupide census, as decreed by that nitwit Caesar Augustus?

Indeed not. There wille be no room at any inne, what with it being Christmasse and all thatte.

DH and I own a small but select inn in Bethlehem, and we are chockablock. DH double booked one couple and we had to put them in the stable! Hope no inspectors come round as it is definitely illegal especially as they have a mangy old donkey with them., and our own old ox has to sleep somewhere and it is too cold outside.

Merry Yuletide to thee Mistress @Sharrilanda and too all the goode laydes on thyse upliftynge threade!

Caesar Augustus canne do onne if he thynkes we are sloggynge off to Bethlehem on thyse Yuletide Eve. We are waitynge for our meat to roaste whylste quaffing some wine (we are bynge poshhe thyse Yuletide and notte just partakynge of beer or mead).

Wyne? Wyne?? Thou muste be lyvinge it up somethinge rotten. Are we in ye Bigge House?
Spare ye a thoughte for ye mudde hutte dwellers.

Well I think thy masters of Mistress @FuzzyPuffling and Mistress @NeedWineNow should speaketh to myne Lord and Master as he is fuelling up his ass thys very minute, ready to maketh the journey East, following yonder star!
I shall telleth him that thy goode mistresses on Ye Olde Mumsnette think he is a Twatte and I should leaveth the Bastarte if he should maketh us travel on thys bitterly cold nighte!!

@FuzzyPuffling Oh yesse, as mine own mother is spendynge the Yuletide season with mye DB thyse year me and my Lord and Master are on our own so we have decyded to lyve it up a bitte and indulge inne more wyne than normally. The Yuletide season myght be a bitte of a blur….

Mistress @FuzzyPuffling I did hearsayeth at Ye Olde Duckinge Ponde that Goode Mistress @NeedWineNow haffe "Cometh into money".
How, we not knoweth, but there haffe been many whisperings of something called 'Onlye Fannies' and Old Goody Cooper was doing a lot of "nudge nudge wink winking" at us!
Tis only hearsay...

Ah Mistress Sharrilanda, is thisse to do with ye strange drawing I did see pinned on yonder tree by ye Old Duckinge Ponde?
It was most odde and requested a payment of a groat for further examples.
I understood it not.

Well, mine daughter and I hath finish-ed the swine in smocks. I bought streaky bacon and smalle puddings Saturday hence. Today, we trekked mightily from one merchant to the next; hither and yon trod we wearily, seekinge cocktayle sticks.

I was of a mind to make mine own, by means of rose bush trimminges, but finally, we prevailed!

For Sale: Camel. Large. Bad sense of direction and of unpleasant temperament. Would make good sandals. (I hath despatched the Myrrh by FezX)

Mistress @Sharrilanda and Mistress @FuzzyPuffling you shouldst notte lysten to such gossipe! Mine Lord and Master would be most displeased to learne thayte itte has been suggested thayte I am earning extra groats by posing on Onlye Fannies. Goody Cooper yse a notorious gossipe and I will be havynge Wordes with her, you waite and see. If she carries on she will end up in Ye Old Duckinge Pond.