Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

WIBU to recommend my young lover for a gardening post on my elderly husband's estate? My husband and I are recently wed, with a good sum paid to my father in the process, but I fear his age and gout will mean we will not produce an heir. My lover is youthful but poor, so could not afford marriage, but could likely produce hearty sons if given the opportunity. My husband's eyesight is poor, so he probably wouldn't notice if the children don't look like him...

My mother basically keeps me shut in at home all the time, would I be unreasonable to go no contact when my uncle dies and I get to be Queen?

Dear gentle ladies of Mamasnet.
I was alighting from the carriage yestere'en and there was a puddle afore me, so the footman gave me his hand for purchase, and I lifted up the hem of my skirts to keep them dry as I stepped down.
Now I am most feared that the young man saw my ankles whilst we were in contact by the hand.
Could I be with child?

No, there is no risk of a scandalous condition if both parties were standing up.

No! You can only be with child if they see your knees! This still does not get away from the fact that your actions were highly immoral.

My husband had said that he is going out with his friends to one of those gin palaces. However I've seen that Mr Hogarth's drawings, AIBU to say no?

YABU. In Mr Hogarths esteemed drawings, they appear to be family friendly. Lots of children and only a few meet an untimely end. Take your little ones.

You are right. I shall agree on condition that the whole family attends.

Chin chin!

Tea.
Passing foreign fad or here to stay?

@murasaki if it is one of those establishments owned by Innkeeper Wetherspoon then you may have cause for concern. They sell strong liquors and ales for very few shillings. The clientele become drunken and debauched as the evening progresses.

Honeste maidens, am I being intemperate to be pist off at yonder strumpet of bounteous bosom and child-bearing proportionne in the hips, who donned such garb suggestive of her maidenhood at my erewhile nuptials?

I hath attachèd a parchment from my nuptial documenter for your perusal.

Prithee, do tell me if I am being vexatious without reasonne.

Verily, what a tarte!

At the tavern last eventide my DH bartered a small weight of turnips in exchange for a single small root vegetable which he was assured is the latest delicacy from the New World.

Tis the size of my fist, white fleshed inside and, having sampled a small portion of one end I declare is both hard and watery and tastes of nothing.

I am minded to slice this strange thing into portions the width of my fair finger and fry them in pork fat till they are the colour of gold. But my brood are wary of new dishes. Is this just going to be a waste of good dripping?

Nay, nay, Goodwife Cosy! They are the very fruit of the devil! Verily, I have seen them grown and they have flowers and berries like unto the nightshades! You and your kin will be poisoned, should you begnaw upon them!

@ChristmasTeaCosy bury the vegetable in the ground, and every time it tries to rise its treacherous limbs out into the light, bury those too. When the summer days start drawing in, dig up the entombed vegetable and it will have spawned a brood of similar vegetables.
Thus from only one you can have a winter's worth of feasting (and swap a few for turnips if your Childers don't take the o the dripping plan).

In this abode where we are conscious of one's vitality, we sup not on such most loathsome and overlee-processed sustenance.

Ethical dilemma here! I suspect NDN's unmarried teenage daughter is pregnant and not even betrothed - should I report her to the church for fornication and bastardy?

Teenage daughter is pregnant. WIBU to pretend the baby is mine? I'm 50and my youngest is 6, would people believe it? And my NDN is looking very censoriously at DD's waistline.

Thank yee both for your advices. I am minded to slaughter one of my fowl, portion the flesh into bite size pieces, press them in the crumb of yesterday's loaf and fry in the dripping whilst it is hot. Thoughts?

Gracious, Housewyf Cosy! Supping on such morsels, thy household shall be as pot-bellied as the king's most prized Yuletide fowl. Thy ample girths alluding to thy prosperite shall incite the green-eyed monster in thy neighbours. Yet I must confess that, for the sisterhood of Mumsnette, the mere notion of corpulent folke doth commonlee provoke within a sentimente of revulsion.

Prithee, It doth depend what lieth beneath. Check under those hems. There is room for someone to be secreted beneath the hoops.

'DH plays pig bladder every night after toil' 😂😂😂 amazing!

Good even, ladyes. DH and I performe the act of procreation every nighte and have fourteen childer. For the fifteen years of ye marriage, we have each remayned clene, baything not less than once a yere.

Lately, I have been surprized to find ye smal vessel of water next to ye bed, and after ye act of procreation DH has been placing his member within and washynge it! Yes, verily, I speke troth! Washynge EVERY DAYE. Methinks no good can come of yt. AIBU to ask ye Wise Woman for a remedye?

Greetings, Mistress Fan!

Have ye not a tapestry hanging at the windowe of yon bedchamber on which your good husband can wipe his member?

Mistress Cosy, I thank ye. Sadly we have fallen on hard tymes of late and have only sacking at the windowe, which DH claims scratcheth his member sorely.