Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

@BarbaraVineFan Methinks tis some troublous thofts of the ill health of the member. In sooth ye be the onlie wumman, who can know trulie, whether he be tormented by a daemon, or hast consorted with another and fears for infection. Let him pour out the water droppings on a piece of goodly ground, and take therefrom the worms, and Grynd into a paste with costmary and hemlock. Twill be an excellent remedy if taken by mouthe or for ointment.

@Sharrilanda

< Copulation Myne Lyfe >

Loveth thyss 🤣

AIBU to complain about the pyre smell coming from my neighbours house from the last witch hunt? I've my pantaloons hanging out on the line and I'm worried that they are going to start smelling.

Didst any of thee see MAFS? King Henry dost surely not fancy her, tis blatant! The wedding was most awkesome

Received samhain soulers to mine door this night. AIBU to think that my lacke of carved stingy jack turnips on mine steppe should have signalled NO SOULERS

That is indeed a sorye tale, Mistress Fan. Hessian is a most coarse thing upon the tender parts.

Perhaps a stray feather of the goose kept for the purpose beside thy bed could instead perform the cleaning function? Or dost thou fear that may give thy husband ideas?* *It soundeth like he needeth no encouragement in the bedchamber department and after nightly consort for 15 years thou couldst do with a night off.

Oh, I saw your son's fine work on display and was overcome. My screams of admiration echoed in the hall and I had to be carried out by unfamiliar men as my husband did abandon me mid-swoon.

It has just been announced to me that a large crowd is arriving shortly, and I only have 5 loaves of bread, and, I think 2 fish in the house. Do I need to do a big shop?

I do not wish to be a bad host. Luckily I do know how to easily acquire wine from the local well, so all is not lost.

Nah, you know that mate of your husbands, the Chippie who hangs around with the fishermen - the one with a weird cousin John - I remember now, Joseph and Mary's eldest?

He's a great help at parties - he'll only have to take one look at that lot coming over the hill and he'll start muttering about inadequate catering standards and piss poor planning, call in a few favours and, as if by magic, you'll have enough for a thousand or so of your closest friends and family and their assorted wives, Mums and children. He's not particularly great at small talk and will probably try to make his excuses to get away for a bit, but get your bloke to ask him a question or two about life, the Universe and Everything and he really comes out of his shell.

Don't mention the Temple though.

Thou needs a penis goblet beside thy bed!

I believe the gentleman already has one

Talk to your son. He can help.

Apologies, man here, but I'd appreciate your advice. My adored Queen was visiting recently, and the state of the footpaths is not what it might be. I laid down my finest cloak so that she did not dampen her shoes, but it is ruined. WIBU to ask her to replace it like for like?

I did previously introduce her to my new discovery, the versatile potato, so believe that frankly she owes me one.

A man?! Careful, lest your vigorous speech get us all with child!

Helpe me, I prithee!

For I didst borrow from the moneylenders in the temple. I then went unto the market place where I purchased many fine garments, a pair of the finest sandals, many sweetmeats and an icon.
I hold.my head in shame for I have nothing left to feed mine child and may have to sell my donkey.
AIBU to think these moneylenders are but devils made man?

Could you perchance exchange one of your children in lieu of payment? If they're hard-working or of marriageable age, either option could be an alternative to trading your donkey, and would reduce the number of mouths to feed at home.

Such wise advice as did I ever hear of. Forsooth, the kindliness of strangers doth warm the very cockles of mine heart.

Pah! Sandals, thou utter?! Thou must cut thy cloth.

Meanness is never a good look. If you want to make an extravagant gesture in future, be sure to use an old cloak.

I'd make the most of such oppotunities while you can TBH, because I hear that James bloke who's likely to be the next sovereign really hates your other little innovation, tobacco.

HTH

I hear that James bloke who's likely to be the next sovereign really hates your other little innovation, tobacco.

Surely that is a jape? Why would Sir Walter bring dry leaves over the vast oceans only for thee to roll them up, put in thy mouth and set them afire? Though tis said they yield more smoke than flame, making thee stink and cough.

Sir Walter hath no idea what he hath started, TBF.

My boy Will has got a place at the grammar, but oh the whining as he creeps unwillingly to school. I can barely understand a word he says nowadays tbh.
AIBU to find him a nice apprenticeship instead?

I think I know you, OP, and did you know your DS is being groomed by an Older Woman?

My husband has ruined my good kettle by adding wheels. He claims it is a model for a new kind of horseless carriage. Should I LTB?