Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

We have bell very clear with our son that we absolutely couldn’t care less as long as he’s happy.

I am finding it a little disconcerting that so many people seem to be saying that being gay is absolutely accepted in society and never causes any issues. There's a touch of the "I don't see colour" going on, I fear.

Being gay should be absolutely accepted in society. Just as much as stealing should not be accepted in society. Let’s remember bi people too.

lssues are caused by bigotry of others. Children should be told that this is wrong.

@StarlightLady "
Being gay should be absolutely accepted in society. Just as much as stealing should not be accepted in society. Let’s remember bi people too.

lssues are caused by bigotry of others. Children should be told that this is wrong."

Err, yes. Had I required education I would be grateful.🤔

I agree. I deal with pastoral issues for first year undergraduates, and can confirm that they’re still having a tough time coming out to family, and dealing with homophobia. Definitely better than it was in the 1990s when I was a student, but problems not eradicated, and some new, unforeseen ones, raising their heads.

Not in that way, because I think the subtext of "we won't mind" is that actually it's not normal so it's sending out a mixed message.

Have always said girlfriend/boyfriend though.

I understand that you get that. Sadly, a lot of people do require education though.

I'm bi & Gen Z & have never experienced or witnessed homophobia. One of my close friends has though, her family are Russian & v keen for her to marry a man, & they are v prejudiced about her being bi & mainly liking girls. Her Russian friends are also homophobic. I suspect this is a big part of the reason why she's become a trans man, with no indication of wanting to be one before. 🙁

@StarlightLady "I understand that you get that."
Fair enough. Your post suggests otherwise.

@CurlewKate - And l misread (my fault) your original post as meaning otherwise. Sometimes the written word can be a pain.

Yes. When my son didn't appear to have had a girlfriend by 25 we did, just in case he had a boyfriend he was worried about introducing.

He didn't and he's now in a m/f relationship. I couldn't have cared less what sex his partner was as long as son was happy.

My children are older, 27-38, so yes they were all specifically told.
Grandchildren it's been more organic and assumed in the family, with the kids aged 12-17 knowing it's fine to come and ask anything, and they are fine whatever their orientation.

I have 3 for 3 LGBT grandchildren all out and comfortable with all the family btw!

Wow what a tone deaf post. Your poor children are probably only ‘sick to death’ of hearing about it because they’re getting the message from home that it’s getting rammed down through throats. I hope none of your children have to come out as one of these ‘gays lesbians or transgenders’ as no doubt they would find that extremely difficult with your attitude

I’d disagree, as a gay woman I think it’s extremely noteworthy to mention to your child that you are ok with them being gay. Having gay friends and living in a diverse community does not necessarily mean you would be happy with your child coming out as gay

Absolutely I agree that no one should feel the need to come out but for the vast majority of lgbt they do want to come out and be affirmed in doing so

Yep, both kids early 20’s always said to them that at long as they’re happy then we don’t mind if it’s boyfriend, girlfriend or single.

This is a really heartwarming thread. I wish more parents had been like this when I was growing up. Would've saved a lot of pain.

Yes I did. I said I'd be ok with a partner of their choice, male, female, older or younger, with children or not. Everyone is an individual and entitled to their own preferences in life.
I am bisexual, with a female [who adored them] sharing our household after a divorce, so my sons saw a different lifestyle and were fine with it. No problems then or since. I have never had any overt nastiness from anyone, although I'm sure lots had their own opinions in private. No one took it out on my sons though, or me for that matter. My sons attitude was that it was no one else's business but ours.

They are now both heterosexual, married, been with their spouses [28 and 22 years] and have their own families. All very conventional, despite my own choices in life.

I'm sorry it wasn't easy for you. Our children know that whatever they are is irrelevant to us. They know that it's the quality of a person that matters to us, and they're old enough to know what that means. But if even one person takes something away from this thread that might change things for the better for their child, it's great you started it.

I wouldn't do 'you can tell me if you are gay, it's ok' because that still implies it's something that may be shameful. I use the girlfriend boyfriend reference a bit.

I was actually quite relieved when DD started school her friend had 2 mums. I dont really know any gay people. It meant that conversation happened young and without any drama, she sees i have become friends with them and I feel if she was gay she may have a trustworthy adult to talk to also.

My DS announced at 10 that his best friend is gay and I said oh ok then but said friend is now straight at 11. In the last month I've heard of 2 other kids coming out then changing their minds. It's just talk. I'm afraid it would go the other way, a child needs to come out but they are dismissed as just following a trend or attention seeking. I think it needs to be accepted with respect every time even if they change their minds again and again.

A lot of people see only what they want to see.

Well, having sex is generally an adult activity.

It's bloody overkill. Honestly quite sick of hearing about it. We don't walk up to people and say Hi, I"m a woman, I like having sex with men, do we!?! Why on earth would you be encouraging a child to say they're a lesbian? Makes no sense to me. I had a 'crush' on a girl aged 10. I was not a lesbian. It's perfectly normal. We need to stop rushing to label children. Plenty of time to grow up and find out as they mature and go through puberty. Usually 'lesbian' feelings at that age are more about being impressed by another girl, not that they want to have sex with her!

I heard a child on the playground say they were a lesbian last week. She's 8. Why on earth would an 8 yr old girl think about having sex with a girl? Because that's what being a lesbian means.

And actually, 'normal' is a man and a woman because that's how we were designed to procreate. What's so wrong with actually admitting that?

No. They've told me they're sick of hearing about it. Son actually directly asked me why everyone is so obsessed with being gay or lesbian given that you need a man and a woman to have a baby He's 10. He said (and I quote) why can't they just talk about a family like ours?

Let's be honest, being gay/lesbian as an adult is absolutely fine. But in the same way I don't encourage sex at all for children, telling them age 10 that being a lesbian or gay is fine is basically telling them to go ahead and have sex with a member of the same sex. If you were going round the playground up to a child telling them to have heterosexual sex you'd be quite rightly removed!

Around 10 is when some children begin experiencing crushes and might already know they are gay. I think people are born with their sexuality. It's not something that just happens when you're older, although they might not be sexual feelings until past puberty. So I think it's a good idea to talk about it.
I think I understand what you are saying to some degree, that some people are " too woke". Am I right? Even so, it's a good idea to encourage your child to be open minded and accepting of all different types of people. That doesn't mean that he's being encouraged to have sex as child. That's a crazy idea that you have come up with.