Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

You should read the series of stories. It is clear they are more than best friends. They are beautifully written. As it is for young children- primary age- there is no explicit sex. The focus is on devotion, relationships, affection..

I agree corporate Pride is too much, it's just businesses cashing in. But it should be remembered that a lot of the ostensibly gay stuff now, esp the silly or dangerous excesses, are due to trans or basically straight but kinky people. The actual needs of l/bi women, esp lesbians, are not really prioritised. This doesn't mean gay activism isn't necessary, just that it's been hijacked to some extent.

Yes. Ours are primary age so growing up in a world where you love who you love. Friends of theirs have two mums or two dads. You love who you love. The end.

Spirit, Lobel was gay & hinted that he somewhat put this into his work. But I think a better example is Tove Jansson. Thingummy & Bob in the Moomins are based on her & her gf, the theatre director Vivica Bandler, & end up being rewarded w finding treasure. It's v sweet. I study history, & I'm doing a project on lesbian history : she's one of my favourites.

I absolutely did. My mum said something similar to me back in the 80s, she drew on personal experience and said for a time in her teens she was confused, and it’s ok to be either way. I’m straight so it wasn’t really relevant to me in the end, but it did instil in me the importance of these conversations between yourself and your kids. A normal parent doesn’t care either way, and kids need to know, that whoever they love, it’s normal, and it’s beautiful

I don’t remember ever being explicit about it but one of mine is queer and trans and the other one is queer so the message must have got through somehow! 😅

I didn’t really with my older two when they were young (now 29 and 27). We didn’t have friends or neighbours who were openly gay so it wasn’t something that came up naturally in conversation and it’s something that wasn’t talked about in the same way (not here anyway) then. However they grew up knowing that I take people as I find them and with 3 ND dc, we celebrate differences. I have always told them that they can come to me with anything. Ds3 (18) grew up with a friend with two mums and two teachers who were openly gay, a rainbow club in school etc. He and I discuss all subjects. His favourite phrase is “get with the times mum”. I can’t think he would be worried about telling me.

Yes, my DC1 worriedly told me that they thought they were gay at 11. I said, ‘well that’s nothing to worry about, the most important thing you can do in life is be yourself’.

They are gay, now late teens we had a conversation the other day where they said that they knew I knew that they didn’t have any doubts.

Yes

Yes we've always said, boyfriend, girlfriend or whoever you love.
DD16 is autistic. Had a chat last year and she said she “prefers girls” and if she marries it will “almost definitely be a woman”. Has since decorated her room with a giant lesbian pride flag.

I've always told my children they can love whoever they like.

I've encouraged them to be comfortable with themselves.
With DD being autistic and very black & white in her thinking, I emphasised the importance that the 101 different genders are not the same as biological sex, and with regards to my DD that her sexual preference is exactly that, “her preference” No one can dictate to her who she fancies. She was worried she'd be seen as a bigot as she said she would only really want to date biological women and that she'd also rather not date someone who identifies as a transman as they “all seem so depressed or angry all the time” , (Please don't lecture me, those were her own words based on her experiences and she doesn't sugarcoat them, nor should she need too).

OK.I will go there.
THATS not fair. i'm single mum, big age difference-we "flow"//closer than most
i have -(bit unconventionl maybe)
Ds1(29) Ds2(14).
To be absolutely blunt with you- the loves been unconditional from day 1. Both are utterly aware of this.
If they felt unsure of their/my/words /thots/feelings/perspective they would say so.
Being a mammy(parent) doesnt necessarily be my forte.Never need frock for mother of yr awards ceremony/not on shortlist. Im not proud of that.
Ive struggled tell my ma stuff like "im pregnant" "we've split up" "open the door thsat psycho followed us here"....the things I WERE UNCOMFY with,felt vague guilt\let em down etc..

Sure I have. Right from when they were little. Having said that, I was an opera singer and a flight attendant so I would say I probably have a larger number of very close gay friends and family members that I socialize with all the time. It’s a normal part of my family’s life. I knew the struggles of my friends growing up in the 80’s not feeling safe or accepted so I wanted my kids to know it was never going to be an issue. My eldest is gay and she has always felt safe and accepted. She knows that if she brings home a partner and we are a bit iffy, it is not because we don’t accept her sexuality, but because we are concerned about behaviour/personality, etc. (Tbf, we have had a lot more to worry about from younger DS and his girlfriends… 🤦🏼‍♀️)

Yes. I say boyfriend/girlfriend.

I've also said that it's ok to be gay and we recently talked about how unjust it was for gay people a long time ago (but in Grandma's lifetime) and how being gay used to be against the law but that, thankfully, most people are more open minded now.

Yes absolutely. I was raised the same way as well. I'm 50 but my parents were ahead of their time, grand parents too. My teen goes back and forth over if she's straight or bi. I tell her makes no difference to me I won't like anyone you date lol.

Mid forties and can remember my Mum specifically saying to me that it didn't matter whether I was gay or straight they would love me just the same.

Yes I have My DS1 is gay but didn't need to actually tell me as i " knew" already
My other two I said something like " if you have a girlfriend/ boyfriend doesn't matter to me as long as you're happy
I have 3 sons

Yes, more than once as there's so much trauma for youth who come out and so much rejection/fear of rejection.

I ask my older dc if they wanted to introduce me to someone would they need to explicitly tell me it's a gay relationship or could they just bring the person, introduce them as boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and know it's a non-issue.They reassure me they know nothing special is needed and I'd be excited to meet them. I hope they always know that's true! I wish you had that too @Lollaup

We're always (since the topic first came up c age 7) gender-neutral when we talk about theoretical future partners/spouses, either using "they" or more often 'him or her" so as to be clear we are talking about an individual of either sex. DC (15yo) currently identifies as pansexual (which seems quite common among 15yos) , although has never had a date or a snog as far as I know which I am assuming means "keeping all options open till I've at least tried" which is fine obviously. Makes for more complicated cringingly embarrassing chats about safer sex as there's a lot of options to cover!

l’m in my 40s, so it’s a few years since l was a child, but back in the day mum (now deceased) always explained this to sister and l.

And it was our mum that teen girlfriends often turned to for help and support because they couldn’t communicate with their own parents.

Yes. I had a long conversation with my daughter that it is ok to be gay.
Now at 12 she has said she is gay. Unfortunately, a couple of girls in her friend group are from very religious backgrounds and have said they would throw out anyone who is gay 🙄 She has not discussed this with them.
I’m currently helping her navigate new friendships alongside this group.
I’m very proud of how she is dealing with all of this, her confidence and her pride.

Yes, of course, since they were 2 or 3

We do, but not a great deal, ours aren’t exposed to many straight couples, so we have to sometimes do the opposite of “you might love a girl when you’re older”.

Yes, we have a number of same sex couples in our friendship circle so my kids have been brought up to know families come in all shapes and sizes. My DD has talked about girls she likes and we've explicitly spoken about how it's ok whoever she loves. It wouldn't cross my mind to be unhappy about my kids sexuality.

Yes, from when they were 4 or 5. We were 99% sure that DS2 was gay so wanted him to know that it absolutely was not a problem for us or our wider family if/when he chose to tell us.

No 🤷‍♀️ but basically every teen (or any other drama) nowadays has a gay couple or two so I doubt any teen would think anything of it