Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

And would it be any less ‘innocent’ if her crushes were on another girl?

I understand that but no need at 7 years old when she clearly crushes on boys. Things are so open these days in schools, and on t.v., if she had a crush on a girl right now she'd have said that as innocently as she tells me about her 'boyfriends'.

Yes. We specifically said that no matter who they want to be with, we will support them and be happy for them.

I grew up on this. My mum always said its OK no matter if a girl or a boy. I didn't come out to my mum just brought a girl back one day and said this is my gf. That was all that was said about it. She was amazed and she never came out to her mum till a lot older. Said it made her feel comfortable to be somewhere that just accepts it. This was about 17 years ago now so a bit less acceptable to some people.

My dd has had gfs and bfs and I honestly don't care as long as they treat each other right.

From a young age we always talked about “boyfriend or girlfriend”. And now older two are teens I’ve said, you don’t have to come out to me, just bring home whoever you want, their sex is irrelevant. My kids know I accept them whatever.

I think the attitude of “don’t encourage it” is probably the worst as it implies it’s something wrong without even fulling owning your views

@Lollaup I agree. Here in the US, the latest Gallup poll indicated that 85.6 % of the population identified as straight or heterosexual. That’s a sharp decrease from a decade ago.

The whole 'why does every TV show need to have a gay couple? Why is it shoved down our throats?' is such a silly and insensitive question. It's only in the past few years mainstream media has begun to give a fair amount of rounded portrayals of gay characters : before that women would mainly die or return to men at the end, or it was subtextual. Men were a bit better off, but not much.

People argue that lgb people are a minority so being represented a lot is unrealistic. But the amount of rep they get isn't that large, it could & should be larger. Besides, even if it were an unrealistic extent, I still feel that it's hypocritical for straight people to complain, 'It's too much!' How do they think gay people felt for the preceding decades..?

I read an article this week by an author who complained that forcing 'grunting teen boys' to read Jane Austen was 'counter-productive'. But I'm sure I'm not alone in enjoying prescribed authors like Steinbeck & Hemingway at school, who're great in lots of ways but not so much in portraying women.. If the out -group is expected to hear about the in-group, it's only fair for vice versa to happen too.

If I’d never had the conversation with my daughter that “ being gay is fine, just like being straight is” then she would be really suffering at school now.
There are a number of her friends who are openly homophobic as they state “their religion states it is wrong”
I’m please I’ve had that conversation before this situation occurred as she has always stated she was gay from around 10. She is now nearly 13 and confident, self assured and happy.
I hate to think how she could be feeling with the messaging she is receiving at school and I can’t believe it is still happening in 2024.

Cozy, your dd's v lucky to have you. Is it OK to ask which religion it is? Or more than one?

Yes of course. I can’t remember my mum doing it when I was small but my grandparents certainly did too.

Shit. I haven't said explicitly 'girlfriend or boyfriend' to my DSs. I have a gay brother who is married. It's totally accepted in our family. I just assumed that I would never have to have this conversation with my DC as they see my DB and DBIL as role models. Do I need to start saying this?

I have always said girl or boyfriend when you are older. They know that in history being gay was illegal, just as women have been disadvantaged throughout history, and now everyone should be considered equal.

When a lesbian couple moved in next door, it was completely normalised. After a couple of months the conversion with ds1 went
Are the neighbours gay?
Yes
Oh ok. Is there a frog in the greenhouse?

In my experience, people who say things will confuse children mean they themselves find it confusing. The kids are fine.

I don't think I've ever sat them down and said "It's perfectly fine for you to have a same sex partner when you're older". However, I always say things like "If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend....etc". I've explained that some people have partners of the same sex or prefer people of the same sex, in a romantic way. They know it's fine and normal.

I always would say “if you get married, your wife, or husband….” and it has become a running joke. Now my kids are 12 and 14, if I say “your girlfriend” they always say “or boyfriend, we KNOW mum”
I actually don’t think either are gay but I’ve made it very clear that as long as they’re happy, it matters not who they love.
I have also joked that as white, middle class, private school boys it might be useful to have at least one “diversity” about them, to which they roll their eyes.

It depends. Always saying girlfriend/wife if you are having these conversations makes it the "norm" and like it's what you expect. If you don't actually have these conversations then it's fine.

Not really, but my children should know I'm not particularly judgemental and they can talk to me about anything. I've always been accepting of their friends who may be gay or trans. Most of the time I've been able to tell from when they were all at primary school by certain mannerisms so my children telling me so and so is gay hasn't been a surprise.

Schools pushing this topic though did mean a year or two of half the class identifying as random things. I think they've settled down into who they will be now though at 18+