Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

Well, as the parent of an asexual DD, I learned not to assume my DC would have a partner of either sex, to be honest. It made me consider how much we do assume that.

Yes, always made sure they knew we were happy with whatever they were happy with. I got my example from my 80 year old dad who always said the same to me!

As a teen in the 90s, I asked my dad what he would say if I was gay. He said "you can sleep with whoever you want long as it's a consenting adults, only one at once and no animals".

Yes, I have a 5 year old and say it in a very neutral way. I think it helps that I have friends who are gay/bi as well as lots of single friends so DS sees that there's no one model of relationships. One of his best pals at school has two dads so it seems entirely normal to him.

Yes. From a young age in different ways. He knows we will welcome the person he loves into our home irrespective of sex, that the important thing to us is that whoever it is treats him well.

Yes.
If I’ve mentioned a potential gf in thier future, I’ve always added ‘or boyfriend’.

Ill be honest and say it has never come automatically. But it has always been there. And I’ve meant it.

Yes. I've always told them I didn't care whether they were gay or straight as long as they were happy. DD2 came out when she was 14.

Yup and a lot of my closest friends are gay (single, couples, parents) so its just been highly normalised for them anyway

Yes. DD (11) seems to focus on the heteronormative and I just gently say ‘or wife..’ when she mentions getting married. Her aunty is gay and happily married so she’s grown up seeing that which helps to normalise same sex relationships for her. I would hope that she will be able to be open with me when she does grow up without any fear.

Yes, from them being tiny we used boy/girl or whatever. DS declared he was Asexual when he was 12 and we supported that, since backtracked and said it was just a phase.

My child's sexuality is none of my business

When I talk to my children about relationships I always include same sex relationships. I would say for example to my daughter or son 'one day when you are older you might have a boyfriend or a girlfriend' - just in the context of normal everyday conversations. My daughter and I play dolls and she wanted to have a wedding and we had two (extremely stylish and cool) brides. Because it's just totally normal and accepted as part of the beautiful tapestry of life.
We sometimes discuss labels, they might have a question about what it is to be 'queer' or 'gay' and I answer as best I can and tell them labels are fab if they work for you and they will find all sorts of things that fit, or don't, later down the line.
That's how I need it to be. I don't want them to even have to consider if it's 'ok' with me.
I wish them all the love in the world. Full stop.

Absolutely. Mine are both in their 30s now and they know what matters is that the person they love loves them too and treats them with respect.

Yes. My DS was going out with a transman. I said to him I don't care who he fancies, whatever sex, whatever gender, as long as he practices safe sex and recognises that sex with a transman could result in pregnancy.

We have loads of gay and lesbian friends that they've spent time with so they know we'd be fine I hope. But I thought it was worth making it clear.

Yes we’ve always talked about it.

One of my DC is asexual. They feel very sidelined by society in respect of sexual orientation it is not really widely discussed.

Well they may wish to share it with you, as most children/young people do at some point, it’s generally very important to lgbt children to come out to their parents and it be met with support. Equally even if they are straight they may wish to share that part of their life with you.

My DD when she was wee asked how you would know who to have babies with. I said to her that it just should be someone that you love very much.

She said "ok I'll have babies with Mary (her BFF) then" 😂😂

Yes. From toddlerdom they knew that some men got married to men and women got married to women and I’ve always talked about girlfriend or boyfriend. When DS went off to university I made sure I gave him safe sex advice for both scenarios!

Yes I have. From primary.

I think that's too late. Isn't it better to make it normal from the beginning so they don't even think about it being anything to be ashamed of.
So they have books that feature different types of families , you talk about boy and girlfriends. Etc

And if they came out to you and you responded with that comment, wow

From a very young age we tried to always say, “if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend”, “if you decide to get married and have a wife or husband some day”, and “if you decide to have children.”

im sure we slip up sometimes, but our goal has always been to stay neutral.

she has also seen me speak up against our extended family when they express day-to-day sexism or thankfully only occasionally homophobia.

when dd came out to us, it was a big deal to her, but it really wasn’t a big deal to us.

Yes. And also give them option of no partner and/or no children. So I'll say things like "if you choose to be in a relationship" , "if you choose to and are able to have children with your husband or wife". I've done this since they were tiny. I'm bisexual and they also have always known this.

Yes I did and was delighted with the happy confidence my son felt able to approach me with when he came out at 16.