Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

Yes, my DD actually thanked me for it not that long ago. She has gay friends and said she has noticed most adults will say boyfriend/husband when talking to a girl and girlfriend/wife when talking to a boy.

Yes, same as most, I've always said girl/boyfriend. My parents weren't the most accepting and I'd have never dared come out to them for fear of disapproval, so I'd never want my son to feel like that.

Isn’t that lovely

I haven't seen any homophobic posts, I've seen a normal discussion of the issue. In my own post I said that whilst I have no issues with anyone being gay( nephew is gay), I was glad my own adult children were straight mainly because of the extra issues that need to be dealt with if a gay couple decide to have children. Would you consider that homophobic because I said I was happier that my children were heterosexual?

No. At 7, she already has crushes on boys. I see no need to.

We have.

My dsis only came out at 30 as our parents are utter bigots - her dp has been around as a 'friend' for years beforehand, so it was more of an open unspoken secret for a decade, its important to me that my dc never feel the same as my sister has.

@Lollaup We are a lesbian couple so it’s implied we would be ok with the children being gay. We did have a hilarious moment where our 12 year old came out as straight and was worried about how we would react to that. Just shows how much kids pick up from parents about what is acceptable.

Pepa, I get that but it might come later, as it did for me. Plus, a bit like straight kids crushing on same sex young, sometimes gay kids get opposite sex crushes which then stop as they get older. I would argue that if you're generally open minded it should be obvious you'd be accepting though.

A great thread op. My eldest is only 6 but when marriage came up as a conversation topic I was very quick to throw in there that men can marry men and women can marry women. Will make it clear that I think it's ok for them to be gay or straight as long as they are happy once they are older (2 and 6 right now).

My parents made sure I knew not to be with another woman or any man that wasn't white British. It really messed me up because I wasn't able to actually figure out who I was and what I wanted

Yes, I actually would.
Put a different spin on it-is it ok to say you’re glad your children married white people?
If you’re glad that your children aren’t gay, then yes, you’re a closet homophobic.
The “my nephew is gay” sentence to prove you’re not homophobic is as cringey and outing as saying “I’m not racist, I’ve got black friends”
Someone who isn’t homophobic has no opinion or preference either way on their kids sexuality. It should be as irrelevant as eye colour

@WhimsicalGubbins76 have people on this thread genuinely said they'd be happier if their children were straight? I find that shocking!

Thats very naive. My DS is gay but I am realistic enough to recognise that his life will be harder as a result due to prejudice he will face. I love my DS so would prefer that he doesn't face this sort of thing in life. As such I would not have chosen this for him. I am in no way homophobic

I was ‘straight’ for years until I wasn’t….

Yup. Both the one I quoted and the one directly below yours. Trying to dress it up in being afraid of “the hardships” they’ll have to face 🤣 I have a gay child-a gen z gay child. This world they’re creating is very different to the one we grew up in. Homophobics are now thankfully in the minority, not the majority anymore.

Yes I always have, I have 2 girls aged 13 and 9. I really mean it too

Not explicitly 'it's ok' but they've been brought up knowing same sex relationships are as normal as mixed sex relationships and we refer to 'when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend'. They've not met any male couples but have met female couples who are parents of their friends and that's just isn't a big deal to them.

Interesting. I thought homophobia was a fear or mistrust or dislike of people who are homosexual, none of which applies to me? Why is stating my nephew is gay a sign of my apparent closet homophobia? I love him, think he's a brilliant person, my feelings about him didn't change after he came out, it was no surprise to me at all.

I stand by being glad my children are straight. As I said, being gay and wanting children involves many more barriers than straight people face, plus however liberal people on this thread are, not everyone in the real world is like that and being gay often involves extra challenges in life, and I'm glad my children don't need to face those issues.

If saying that makes me homophobic in your opinion( I don't think it does) then ok, I'm fine about being homophobic.
I've also been called transphobic simply because I don't believe people can change sex, again fine with that.

Your child (and mine) will however have to mix with people of all generations. It's ridiculously naive (and minimising of the issues) to suggest that things are all rosy and fine and nobody cares. Lots of people do and I feel for my child having to face that.

@ISeriouslyDoubtIt 'As I said, being gay and wanting children involves many more barriers than straight people face, plus however liberal people on this thread are, not everyone in the real world is like that and being gay often involves extra challenges in life, and I'm glad my children don't need to face those issues.'

I do sort of get what you're saying and I don't believe people can change sex either and don't care if that makes me 'transphonbic' but surely you must read the bit about having kids back to yourself and realise it's not as black and white as you're making out. Straight people can go through infertility hell - absolutely no one can be 'glad their children won't need to go through those sorts of issues'. It's perfectly possible for a gay couple to have a much, much easier time of having children than a straight couple.

Hear hear.

Honestly, at 7 years old, I really feel no need to bring it up or explicitly tell her. It's cute her telling me about her little boyfriends etc, I really honestly find it adorable hearing about her little crushes, specifically because it's so innocent at such an age. There's absolutely no need to bring it up.
If she gets older and shows signs of anything otherwise, I will obviously make it clear that the only thing that matters is her happiness.

Of course straight people can have infertility problems but the majority don't and conception and pregnancy are straightforward, whereas gay couples know that having a child is not going to be a straightforward issue from the outset.

Life can throw all sorts of unforeseen challenges to anyone, gay or straight. As a parent I wanted my children to have the easiest, most pleasant life possible, and being gay could have brought added stress, so I'm glad they didn't have to deal with that. Can't see the problem with that.

@PepaWepa but I think the op's point was that kids may never 'shows signs of anything otherwise' unless we let them know it's ok. Kind of like it's on us to make the first move so to speak.