Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

Yes. My teenager knows that we are 100% fine with a same sex partner. We have friends who visit and stay with us who are a same sex couple. Our teen has grown up knowing that we see this as completely normal and acceptable and that we just want them to have a partner who treats them well!

I can't remember ever being explicit about this - I am quite sure they took it as read, as they know we love them unconditionally and their happiness is our priority. I have also always told them I trust their decisions about their own lives.

Yes, have mentioned girl or boyfriend.

Also had to have a conversation about the fact they could marry anyone they like, just not their sibling, parents, grandparents or aunts or uncles

Absolutely: it was more that we do have mates in same sex couples or marriages: but we never or rarely saw them with the kids so as not to impose kids on a child-fee space (& because that was more fun for us - they tended to be less child-friendly meet ups!). I hadn’t thought about the fact that this meant those friends were massively less visible to our kids, although it’s obvious in retrospect. (Dc hadn’t even realised some of the couples were same sex as they have gender neutral names so us saying we were seeing ‘Sam and David’ for example didn’t clarify)

Yes - did this all the way through their childhood and early adolescence until they formed relationships and were aware of their sexuality. I would talk about girlfriends or boyfriends, husbands or wives.

nosmartphone, I have a close friend who's bi and she had crushes on girls from the age of 7. Likewise, I have a straight friend who had her 1st crush at eight. There was nothing sexual about either crush, they were totally innocent. The fact you see mentioning being gay as inherently encouraging sex is homophobic.

Yes absolutely.

Both of my children have been perfectly aware that, so long as they are in a loving, respectful and consensual relationship, the sex of the other person is irrelevant.

A worry number of straight people do seem to link children with sex don’t they, always very vocal about it as well, its very worrying for their children really.

Yes I have always told my son I don't mind wether he has male/female partners i just want him to be happy.

nosmartphone, children shouldn't feel they need to label themselves, I agree. But being gay or straight doesn't just mean sex, I also means romantic attraction, and all children have crushes etc.. Those are all part of it, not just sex. As I said, lessons should focus on integrating stories w same sex couples in, so it's clear that a relationship w the same sex is just as normal as an opposite sex one.

As for adults, people generally presume someone is straight, and it can be very annoying for people to have to correct all the time, so they may say it early on. They're not just talking about sex by saying they're gay, but the kind of person they want to spend their life with. Gay and lesbian relationship etc issues are distinct from straight relationships, and as I've explained, until recently we're not discussed much by mainstream culture, so there's catch-up. It feels like overkill to you, but it's a good thing that mainstream discussion has moved on from being solely straight. How do you think gay people felt when culture never mentioned them? They weren't having straight culture rammed down their throats any more than you're having gay culture rammed down yours, it's just that it may feel that way to each side when things are discussed they aren't interested in. But you should have enough empathy to see that things you don't care about may matter a lot to other people and should be discussed , just as vice versa.

Yep. Made it clear from a young age, that it’s ok if they are a gay or straight. Dd has “come out” as bisexual at age 11. I’ve given her the validation and made sure she was aware we support her what ever she decides but I’m pretty sure at 11, she doesn’t really know anyway.

nosmartphone, it sounds like maybe your son's lessons have been delivered clumsily. Straight couples are represented everywhere, I've only ever met 2 same sex couples in my life (I'm 19), so that's why they probs focused more on gay couples. But yes, to children that could come off as saying gay is the only normal or they should decide who they like now, so that's why I prefer the 'integrating via inclusive picture books where being gsy isn't the point of the story etc'.

The homophobia disguised as “concern” on here is literally terrifying.
You know the thing I love about Gen Z and Gen Alpha? They don’t care. They don’t care what someone’s sexuality is, it is literally irrelevant to the vast majority.
They don’t care if a friend experiments with members of both genders to discover who they are.
Those relating being gay to children thinking about sex are seriously unstable humans. Why is it only being gay related to sex then in your world? Why isn’t a little girl with a “boyfriend” thinking about sex? Why is it only if a little girl has a “girlfriend” (obviously same with boys) because you’re being ludicrous that’s why! Being gay or straight isn’t about sex. That is not what it centres around. And you can’t make a child gay by teaching them that it’s ok to be gay. Go back to the dark ages, the lot of you. God forbid any of your children are actually gay-you’ll find them distancing themselves from you with ridiculous, archaic and bigoted views like yours. My elderly parents grew up in a time when it was illegal to be gay, and even they don’t have a homophobic bone in their bodies-so what are your excuses??

Soubriquet, that's nice you're so accepting. Kids may not know at that age, but they may. I knew since I was 11, and looking back there were signs since I was 8, so don't think she necessarily has no real idea. But obvs no one should feel they have to know at 11, there's plenty of time, and ofc it's important for all children to know having crushes doesn’t mean you need to proto-date until you're ready.

Having a crush on a girl at 10 is exactly why you'd be gay or bi or curious and had your parents said it's fine to be those things maybe you wouldn't be the way you are now.
Did you want to have sex with the girl you had a crush on? No. So why do you think other children at that age want to have sex?
That's a perfectly normal age to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and have your first kiss or hold hands, surely it's better to have your first kiss with someone you actually fancy rather than someone with the 'correct' genitals?

I wouldn't think to state that phase specifically but like others I imagine the conversation going along the lines of 'when/if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend'; I have already corrected family members who talk about my 2 years old future boyfriend by saying 'or girlfriend' because I think that not making it seem to the child that the default assumption is them being straight will be beneficial.

Simonjt, haha exactly! Parents who give their dds husband advice- I got mine from the age of 5- are horrendously sexualising them, aren't they? Reversing just shows how stupid people's prejudices are

👏🏼 The voice of reason. I absolutely hate how much it's being pushed down everyone's throat, so that in any TV drama or film there absolutely MUST be a gay couple. I really don't care who anyone has sex with but do we have to talk about it all the bloody time?!? Primary aged children especially don't need sex being pushed on them.

Why does it have to be about sex?

My best mate since school is a gay man, DS has grown up with him and his husband. What's the difference between DS seeing me in a straight relationship and someone else in a gay relationship?

Presumably your kids know from a young age that you and your husband are in a relationship, you don't talk about the sexual element to them when they're 5 though. Nothing wrong with having age appropriate conversations about relationships with younger children.

This is why I dislike how many straight couples are in TV shows as I don’t want sex being shoved in our childrens faces when they watch tv.

How do you feel about tv dramas and reminds having straight relationships shown? I’m sure you don’t bat an eyelid. Having gay people represented in tv and media is representative of life and society and thank god it is!!

people who justify their views by saying children knowing about lgbt people means theyre learnings about sex is just ridiculous.

do you refer to any of your hetero family as "see your aunt who hws sex with your uncle" of course not.

absolute and blatant homophobia and you’re saying it with your chest. You should be embarrassed and ashamed.

Gosh haven't we got past we can make our kids gay by letting them play with the wrong toys, talking about the wrong things, watching the wrong TV yet?

My nephew is gay. Born that way, its innate, a sexuality. Nothing to do with inappropriate exposure.

FFS shocking that homophobia is live and kicking in 2024.

100%

why is the sex thing only brought up when it’s about gay people?

And this is exactly why it’s important that everyone should tell their kids outright that they would have no issue if they come out as gay. Because homophobia is alive and well and some poor kids are having to live with these people unfortunately