Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

[Lollaup]

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

Yes it’s always ‘boyfriend or girlfriend’. Or when they talk about marriage ‘husband or wife’ etc

Wow. What an amazing dad. Not many parents were like him in his generation - lots were tolerant but not affirming, affirming dads born in 1945 must be rare as hen’s teeth. Lucky you.

to answer OP’s question, I’ve always been clear that I don’t care who they love - and said so explicitly.

I find the apparent asexuality of one of my kids harder to deal with like a PP, as I worry they will be lonely and missing out on fun (as well as heartbreak). I am working on that one.

Yes, always.
They are them. I love them and anyone who loves them.

My dd is only six, but she's aware of same sex relationships because i have gay and lesbian friends. I can't remember how it came about, but I have mentioned that when she's a grownup, she could have relationships with men or women. I just want her to be happy and true to herself. If she decides she likes women or is bi when she's older, I don't think she'd bat an eyelid at telling me, because it wouldn't be a big thing.

We usually say when you get a girlfriend or boyfriend.. to us as a family it’s a matter of being who you are, and you like will always be accepted. Both my kids know we will love them no matter who they love and who they are. My uncle is gay, he’s been with his husband since 2001, I was 13 at the time my uncle came out, and for me he was still the same guy I always knew, I could not and still can’t fathom why he needed to come out. For me it was just a case of oh this is my boyfriend or this my girlfriend who you love shouldn’t matter, even now I still don’t get it, straight people don’t have to announce they are straight so why should gay people have to announce they are gay especially in this day and age with it being far more prominent and accepted ( not trying to take away the whole coming out thing, i jus5 think everyone should be treated equally)

Yes, always. We've talked about relationships quite a lot since they were small, they know that we would be OK with any partner that they loved and that they had a mutually respectful relationship with.

Yes, my mother said it to all of us growing up and I do with mine, I have always talked about romantic relationships being same-sex and opposite-sex. I will say, ‘when you're older if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend / husband or wife’. I honestly would not be remotely phased and it's important to me that they feel secure in that.

I didn't specifically say it because it was obvious my children (man and woman now in 30s) were heterosexual from early teens, because that's when they started having relationships with the opposite sex.
I have a gay nephew and that was obvious from about 3 years old, I think he was about 16 when he came out but people would have been more surprised if he had said he was straight.
I'm glad my children are straight, mostly because of the having children issue, either having to have treatment and find a suitable sperm donor, or using a surrogate, surrogacy is something I'm very much anti. Adoption is another very difficult issue because children who are given for adoption these days will have come from a very difficult background with all the issues that brings.

We just casually said when ‘you have a girlfriend or boyfriend’from when they were young as a matter of fact. Family and friends are gay and married and they’ve been to weddings and are around same sex couples. Am guessing ours would just say they’ve met someone as opposed to coming out.

yes often and from a very early age so it is part of their embedded narrative. We are unconditionally their parents and we love them

Yes. If anything I think we may have denigrated the idea of the opposite sex too much. One thinks she is bi but would probably feel she has to 'come out' if she had a boyfriend 🤣

Oh yes, same way as most of the above.- it's sensible. Just casually, not making a massive thing of it. Because it's normal.

@Notreat they cannot even talk! Not too late but thanks

Yes, absolutely. But my eldest DS asks about things like this quite a bit - my sister is gay, and his best friend at school “has two mums” so it’s very much on his radar.

I have been particularly conscious of it though after, despite them having both male and female gay friends, my parents’ reaction to my sister coming out was NOT good. They are in a good place now but I would never want my children to have that sort of experience I saw my sister have.

My daughter knows because at the front of my mindset, I've always had this belief that our children gain their personalities around us and how we bring them up.
Whilst we're in charge of these little lives, we don't know what their interests and loves will be, so I've always brought DD up with an understanding that whatever she loves is loved by us.
My biggest fear has always been that there would be a part of her that she may dislike because she doesn't feel that she would be accepted, or even that she could feel ashamed.

We've had discussions about sexuality, and a lot of different things in the media about gay rights throughout her life, and it's an ongoing joke that the biggest disappointment she's been was when she brought her boyfriend home (he's lovely, I wasn't disappointed!)

My kids can love whoever they want in their lifetimes. It's more important to me that they love, and are loved to be honest.

Yes we have always used girlfriend or boyfriend / wife or husband for both kids from v early ages making it clear we don't assume they will be hetero

Yes. DD is bi and came out to me a few years ago. We also know three lesbian couples so there's always been exposure to non-het couples.

I say it again and again. My child is ND and male. It's a constant ' ugh, I'm not gay' atm to anything gay. I find this difficult to deal with. Child is young teen. Doesn't live primarily with me. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. My views and values seem to be different and nothing I say or do is changing theirs.

I’ve always told my kid that. He can be with anyone he wants, unless they’re a Tory.

Yes but to be honest I don't think they really need us to say it because they know it's a non issue for us but we've always said "when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend"

My kids are all primary aged but I always make sure to include same sex relationships in any comment I ever make about relationships so hopefully they just think of it as normal, and if any happen to be gay they won't have any issue with feeling that way.
For example I always say boyfriend or girlfriend to all of them regardless of gender. Ie 'if you get married to your boyfriend or girlfriend' 'when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend'
As a bisexual woman from a super religious homophobic family it's important to me that my kids never go thru the pain of hating or being ashamed of their own sexuality.

For sure. I think it comes up quite naturally with little ones so easy to start early. My small nieces would often say 'or a girlfriend' if someone said something about having a boyfriend one day. My sister and her husband - and all the family - just said 'of course, or a girl' and carried on. More recently they tend to say 'if you have a husband, or a wife you might...' etc etc. It was/is no big deal and has never had to be explicitly talked about.

I'm very sure the girls would have no qualms talking to their mum and dad about sexuality - neither would my sister avoid bringing it up with them.

I told my DD that there were things that would upset me but being gay wouldn't be one of them she said she was glad I'd said it and that she knows she can come to me about anything

Not really, theyre not old enough to have conversations. I do wonder if by the time my kids are grown, society might have moved past just humans as partners and onto AI partners so would be interesting to know what future conversations (next 20 years perhaps) will look like!

Yes absolutely. My DD is 13 and at a girls school - she has friends 'going out' with each other and recently had her first GF. They only held hands and never kissed but it was very sweet! I've told her I will welcome whoever she chooses to be with as long as they as kind and decent.