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Original poster

Have you explicitly told your child it’s ok if they are gay/have a partner of the same sex?

317 replies

Lollaup · 21/10/2024 21:47

As a gay woman, who had a great upbringing and a lovely family I still really struggled with knowing if my parents would be ok with me being gay. I so wish they had said explicitly things like you can have a girlfriend for girlfriend, we won’t mind or somehow conveyed that message to me.
my best friend is also a lesbian and she said exactly the same.
so please don’t assume that your kids will just ‘know’ it is ok because you love them and have a close relationship

OP posts:
JamieFrasersSassenach · 21/10/2024 23:17

Yes, absolutely. When DS was 5 he said "boys can marry girls, girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys, which means I can marry 'boy' friend or 'girl' friend if I want to when I'm older" and we said "yes they can, and you can marry a boy or a girl"

What helped as well was having friends who are gay and their kids being friends with DS so he could see that it was normal.

He told us very casually when he was about 15 that he thought he was bi-sexual and we accepted that without any fuss.

He has since said that he thinks he is heterosexual but honestly I think (hope) that he intrinsically knows that we accept and love him whatever his sexuality is and that we will love and accept whoever he loves.

Although like @Siriusmuggle says, as long as they aren't a Tory.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/10/2024 23:18

We have always told them all (3 dsc and dd) that as long as they are safe and happy we don't care who they bring home. I wouldn't create a fanfare for them being heterosexual so inhave no intention of making a fuss for any other orientation. They all know/knew it was OK.

Dh's exw has tried to say their sons death was triggered by him being scared to tell dh he might be gay. Which is utter BS as we already suspected and his son had tested the water over our reaction and just got an "ok that's great, hope you are being sensible" response along with an outright no to sharing a bed with his bf when my dd was about. Which was the same answer he got the previous summer when he wanted to bearing his then gf over for a weekend.

vegandspice · 21/10/2024 23:19

nosmartphone · 21/10/2024 22:47

No. And I don't plan to. Bit bored of hearing about gays and lesbians and transgenders tbh. Do what you want as an adult but would love to hear about it's ok and actually quite normal to be heterosexual. To be fair, the pair of them are sick to death about having it rammed down their throats, even in primary school (last week it was about gay penguins)

cue everyone kicking off

I agree. Never had the conversation with my children. They know we are relaxed about life generally so it wouldn't be an issue

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Christinglechristmas · 21/10/2024 23:21

Yes I have at an age appropriate age.

Gruttenberg · 21/10/2024 23:23

Yes, I’m 66 and have also said this to my grandchildren. I told my youngest granddaughter recently about a work colleague who came out to our department in the 1990s and she was shocked that we were all fine with this! We get a bad rep as young people seem to think we were all racist homophobes but our generation were brought up with an explosion of gay and gender non conforming people who were accepted. The 70s and 80s were a good time to be young where I lived.

Itsmychristmasdress · 21/10/2024 23:23

DelurkingAJ · 21/10/2024 21:50

Yes. In that we’ve cheerfully said (DSs being 12 and 8) ‘when you’re older and have a girl or boyfriend’. It was deliberate at first but now it’s just what we say…deliberate because I knew a number of gay men who really struggled to come out.

Exactly this from day one.

StressedQueen · 21/10/2024 23:27

No I suppose not? I don't know, I think they trust us enough to be able to tell us. But also my brother is gay and married to his husband and they have 2 sons who we see quite a lot. So they've always known it's possible and have never questioned it. But my 3 older ones are honestly all definitely heterosexual but if they do end up being bi etc. I just don't think it'd be a big deal. I don't know what it'll be like for my younger two but sexuality has never been some big deal.

Never really said "when you have a gf or bf" either, it's more when you're married, when you fall in love...etc. Just never thought it through but our kids defo know that we wouldn't care!!!

GiddyRobin · 21/10/2024 23:27

Yes, we tell both kids "when you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend" so it's there in there minds that it won't ever be a thing.

Was told the same as a youngster and I never even felt the need to come out as bisexual. Just had a girlfriend one day and nothing was said other than the same things said about boyfriends.

Tahlbias · 21/10/2024 23:27

DelurkingAJ · 21/10/2024 21:50

Yes. In that we’ve cheerfully said (DSs being 12 and 8) ‘when you’re older and have a girl or boyfriend’. It was deliberate at first but now it’s just what we say…deliberate because I knew a number of gay men who really struggled to come out.

This! I always say, "when you're older and you have a boyfriend or girlfriend..." I think it's very important for them to know, it's ok.

Wn38475 · 21/10/2024 23:29

Fortunately one of ds’s nursery friends had 2 mums and we also had (now dead) family friends who were a gay male couple.
So both kids knew from toddlers that it was all fine, whatever they felt. In fact, they were only about 5/6 when they realised (following a visit) that my dad was mega homophobe and declared grandad had issues with gay people.this was a while ago as they are 18/16 now neither are gay but both knew it was fine.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/10/2024 23:29

Yes, always.

Manyshelves · 21/10/2024 23:30

Yes, I’ve said this to mine

Skate76 · 21/10/2024 23:30

Mine are young primary school age but both have been told they can partner with a man or woman. They've got gay uncles so are used to being around same sex couples anyway 💐

Frozensnow · 21/10/2024 23:31

i think my kids are aware we wouldn’t mind. We have friends and relatives who are gay.

my 9 year old dd did actually inform me she has a girlfriend the other day. She’s a bit obsessed with dating at the moment and it seems the whole year 4 class is obsessed with who is whose boyfriend or girlfriend. After being ‘dumped’ by a few boys she’s had enough and is dating her best ‘girl’ mate. She asked me if I minded. I said she’s 9 and too young to be dating anyone girl or boy but when she’s older I wouldn’t mind in the slightest if she dates a girl.

Fiestytiger · 21/10/2024 23:34

Yes we had conversations around loving people who are same sex/opposite. Plus they have friends whose parents are gay. I think it’s more of the norm now and acceptance from children seems to go alongside.

Chucklit · 21/10/2024 23:35

Yes. Because she told me she was only attracted to other girls and my immediate response was "Don’t ever think that's an issue because it's certainly not". I’m bisexual. It didn’t even remotely cross my mind to feel any way about it other than glad for her and never has done since. My job is to support my daughter through every area of her life that I can. Older family members don’t agree with preferences outside of heterosexual and I couldn’t give a fuck about their opinion but I've made sure they won't be imposing it on DD.

greenose · 21/10/2024 23:35

Yes I hade to both of mine,

sunshinemode · 21/10/2024 23:36

Yes, from tiny but he thought he'd rather have a dragon than a boyfriend or girlfriend. 😀

RareitySparkles · 21/10/2024 23:38

No..why would I? It's not my choice. I just said "when you meet a nice girl or boy" so they know either is perfectly normal. They don't need my permission to be gay. My son is actually bi and I don't really have any feelings on that. Except I suspect he is a gay and will realise once he meets to right bloke. I actually think I said that as I alway had a feeling he wasn't heterosexual.

TeabySea · 21/10/2024 23:41

Yes, as others have, we've said "girlfriend or boyfriend" and "husband or wife" when talking about possible future relationships. We have gay and lesbian friends, and are open to talk all things gay, bi, queer, trans, ace, etc.
DCs friends are aware that our house is not a place anyone is judged on their sexuality.

Toseland · 21/10/2024 23:41

Yes, I've said this to mine.
I've also said you can't change sex and warned how many kids are currently being confused by that.

DadJoke · 21/10/2024 23:41

Yes - it’s fine to be gay, it’s fine to be transgender, it’s fine to wear clothes and play with toys associated with the opposite gender.

Hitkickclimb · 21/10/2024 23:43

I always say, 'when you're older you might choose to have a girlfriend, boyfriend, both or neither'. For the present, they seem to think neither is definitely the best choice. They also know I was in a long term relationship with another woman before I married their dad.

PadstowGirl · 21/10/2024 23:44

Yes we have always told ours that it doesnt matter who they fall in love with. Boy, girl, race , creed, just so long as they don't vote Farage.

BruFord · 21/10/2024 23:45

Yes, in their early-mid teens (they’re now 19&16). They’ve grown up in a diverse city and several of our neighbors are gay married couples. I don’t think that my teens view a person’s sexuality as a big issue tbh.

To them, our immediate neighbors, John and Pete, are an unexciting middle-aged couple just like their Mum and Dad. 😂