I've just walked through the door after a much needed week away ...

[Alongstretchhome]

It was a weeks holiday to get away from lots of stress. Lovely break just what I needed. But .. I walked through the door, exhausted, to a message from a friend asking me for (another) favour. This friend knew I was due home this evening. I hadn't even seen my DDs before the phone is pinging for a favour. Dh moaning at me that I'm on my phone as soon as we get in (lots of messages back & forth with friend re the favour), dh then decides we're all getting a takeaway, fine with me, but I'm then being pressed to chose my dishes and make the call to the takeaway (he can't call) while I'm sorting out friend. My sister then messages me to say "I assume you are home" ie I've not heard from you that you are home OK. Cue quick message to her, who I can tell is annoyed.
All I wanted was a cup of coffee and a hot shower after a long flight.

Summary of this thread:

Self-inflicted First World Problem

Sorry that re entry was so grim! Hopefully the retreat was good and you can find ways over the coming days to think about how to integrate processes and manage expectations into your daily life to make it better generally.

Don’t answer your phone! And stop doing favours if it stresses you.

He needs to download the deliveroo app and order online. This is what my dc does and she also has a speech impediment, ordering online has made life more easier for people with disabilities.

Mute your friend for a week at a time or permanently on WhatsApp so you don't get begging messages from her.

Neither your phone nor friends will spontaneously combust if you don't reply to their messages.

Why are you too tired to choose your dishes and phone the takeaway when you’ve just had a week away and presumable your DH has stayed at home looking after your children.

Ignore your friend until you’ve spent time with your family.

I cannot understand whatsoever why you feel the need to respond to anyone! Sure, if you are anxious about urgent matters check your phone to make sure nothing needs dealing with and then put your phone away. You get to choose how you spend your time. Next time you message your friend and sister just start the message with 'thanks for your message - just getting to it now as there was so much to do when I got back off holiday' and if you don't want to do the favour just say ' sorry I can't help with that' or if the time limit for the favour has already passed just say 'sorry I wasn't able to help with that I hope you managed to find someone'. Also, I don't know if you are aware, but many people can't ever go on holiday so it comes across tone deaf to be stressing about getting back from a week away.

I don't get why you prioritised your friend's request for a favour. Presumably if, say, your holiday had been a day longer or your flight had been delayed she'd have managed to wait. When I get back to my family after being away without them, they come first.

Stop answering your phone/reading messages.
End of.

Oh dear OP, you’re your own worst enemy!

No wonder you’ve been feeling stressed.

Practice turning off your phone completely and ignoring it for a day at a time. Practice stepping away and focussing on something else and not immediately responding when others make demands on your time.

Stop being afraid of saying NO.

Agreed. Can’t imagine getting an hour away let alone a whole week.

Don't agree with throwing the holiday in her face as though she ought to be humbled by it.

So you’ve been away for a week to destress at a retreat?

• What age are your DDs?
• Was it your husband looking after them?
• Was part of the reason you went on the wellness retreat was because you’re always on your phone?

All I see is someone who expected the world to stop turning as soon as you walked in the door.

You chose to answer the text. Was your husband annoyed you were on the phone when the whole point of you being away was to destress?

You’re not being asked to cook, it’s a takeaway. You’re making it sound difficult to have to choose what you want to eat.

If it was your husband looking after the kids for the week, you can see how annoying it would be you walking in with your phone texting and not even speaking to your kids!

You've then jumped on MN to complain that you had to answer a text and now need to order a takeaway after weeks holiday away???

You sound terribly self involved and lack any sense of self awareness.

Agreed

wrong thread

thanks, I don’t know how that happened. I’ve reported my post.

Everyone I know knows that I go for long periods without looking at my phone. Sometimes I misplace it in the house and don't come across it for a few days. Nobody sees it as me neglecting them because they know I'm like this. I'm 40 so not getting away with just being old. There was a time when people were angry with me for not anwering/replying but I've always been clear that I give my attention to those in my company, not those elsewhere who'd like me to drop everything to be at their beck and call. Now they understand it's not personal, just how I operate. I also don't expect any friend to pick up or respond quickly when I make contact. It puts them at ease too. A phone should make your life easier not harder.

Don't reply to your friend!

What everyone said!
Take charge girl. You run you.

Oh the life of a people pleaser! I understand totally how you feel op and am currently in therapy for it! 😆
I put my phone on mute ( WhatsApp) until I’m ready to deal with things and find that’s helps. Even the simplest of tasks seems overwhelming when you’re trying to please everyone! Try and be gentle with yourself you have done nothing wrong.

I understand how this can be overwhelming, I often go through this.

i was offloading to my cousin about it one day and she said, “just because someone calls dosnt mean you have to answer”, and since that day. I haven’t.
I answer one call to a certain person a day rather than 15-20, same with texts. And since I’ve put these boundaries in they have stopped bothering me as much. And I feel happier and less stressed.

i think (like myself) you are a people pleaser and we are taken advantage of a lot.

Practice saying No.

your friend is taking advantage of your kindness, it’s completely rude to call anyone on the day they return from holiday, for one you know they’ve got tons of laundry and unpacking, food shopping etc to do. It’s just plain rudeness.

Sounds like my day everyday!!!

i have learnt to prioritise…so there are days when I just leave work on time, and I charge my phone or leave it on the upper floors of the house then I am too lazy to come up and get it!

I make a commitment on the train home that I am going to eg walk dog and spend time with her or do something with the kids or hubby or sometimes it just chores…

by the time I get up to bed - I would have missed about 50 messages, 80 emails and a few calls and you know what I think, I will pick it up in the morning! It is a discipline….

I do sympathise with you, having had parents who would pounce on us from the moment we landed. We resolved this by telling everyone we were returning 1 or 2 days after our actual return date. Gave us time to settle back in.

You should have ignored your "friends" message until the following day. Put some boundaries in place.