I've just walked through the door after a much needed week away ...

[Alongstretchhome]

It was a weeks holiday to get away from lots of stress. Lovely break just what I needed. But .. I walked through the door, exhausted, to a message from a friend asking me for (another) favour. This friend knew I was due home this evening. I hadn't even seen my DDs before the phone is pinging for a favour. Dh moaning at me that I'm on my phone as soon as we get in (lots of messages back & forth with friend re the favour), dh then decides we're all getting a takeaway, fine with me, but I'm then being pressed to chose my dishes and make the call to the takeaway (he can't call) while I'm sorting out friend. My sister then messages me to say "I assume you are home" ie I've not heard from you that you are home OK. Cue quick message to her, who I can tell is annoyed.
All I wanted was a cup of coffee and a hot shower after a long flight.

So what should have happened is:

Greet all family before anything else
Check what is happening re tonight's plans

You should have ignored the friend (left message unread) or sent a quick 'sorry, lots going off tonight, will have to talk tomorrow'

Is it that your DH can't or won't phone takeaway? Can he do it via app?

YABU to not just break off & pick dishes but TBH mine would know what to pick for me if needed

Wondering if you have so much stress because you are doing lots of things for others though...

Why did you pay friend's message any attention at all?? That could have waited until the next day. Ditto for your sister.

Have a shower, get takeaway ordered and then share your news from your holiday with your family. Catch up on their news too. Those are surely your priorities?

Few messages need an instant response. They can wait.

No such thing as an urgent text.
Reply at a convenient time.

Dh couldnt make the call to takeaway as he has a terrible stutter which is even worse on the phone.

I've picked up from your op a lot of angst towards your dh? Pissed off that he's commented that your first jump is to answer to this friend rather than see your children after a weeks holiday?
Is their a reason he can't call the takeaway or is it a won't call?

Ironically, I went to a wellness retreat !

Cross posted, that's pretty shitty of you to have posted that way, as if it was more of a won't call.

I'd be well pissed off if my DP or my parent came home from a week away, and immediately prioritised their friend and then their sibling.

I'd say their priorities were completely wrong.

And I'd be tempted to switch their bloody phone off for them!

Stop replying, engage with your family and order a takeaway.

Sorry my lovely, that sounds horrible. Did you have a nice week away at least?
It's so frustrating when no one respects your need to be left alone or prioritise the important people in your life. I have found that wanting/asking people to do this doesn't work, and that you have to be proactive in sorting this yourself!
The Do not disturb function on your mobile is an absolute godsend for this sort of thing I have found. You still get texts, WhatsApps and record of calls, you're just don't get the notifications. This stops you feeling guilty I find as there is no phone ringing or texts pinging to ignore. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I would have set Do not disturb on my phone 30 mins before I got home then taken it off the next day, and called back friend then. Re. The Chinese, tell your husband he needs to write down a full list of all orders without your help, and only then will you ring it in!
I know this all sounds exhausting, but the more you do it the more people will back off/ not ask you for inappropriate or needless stuff.
Have a lovely evening, put that DnD on now and enjoy your Chinese x

Ignore the phone, ignore your sister, tell your husband to call for his own takeaway, and sit down and drink a coffee. Deal with things when you are ready - none of these things were urgent at all.

I relate to that feeling of so many demands placed on you all at once especially after a break from them. It feels relentless.

Do you know what would halve the demands?

Putting your phone away.

Neither of those things were urgent. Just turn your phone on silent for a bit.

I can't be doing with people that are constantly on their phones. Just put it on silent and ignore it for a few hours. The world won't end 🙄

And why are you on here? You haven’t seen your family for a week and then take to the internet to moan to loads of strangers about people
wanting your attention? How very odd.

Turn it off and enjoy an evening with your family.

All your fault. You are letting your phone rule you rather than the other way round. Prioritise your family 🙄

You are a bit overdramatic, you had a lovely holiday, put your phone away and have a nice evening with your family.

Your friend can wait.

If I had been away for a week my hubby and kids wouldn't be best pleased if I was on my phone instead of catching up with them. That's totally on you. Just don't reply.

And they didn't tell you to set boundaries and turn your phone off? I'd ask for a refund.

Although I suppose if everyone set boundaries and turned their phones off they wouldn't have any business because no-one would need a wellness retreat!

i am sorry you feel that way.

Your friend could have waited, eg you not responded to her until later - or tomorrow.

Husband could have ordered takeaway online.

However it's done now. Next time, be less available.

Sort out getting Uber eats so can be ordered online
realise yiur friend is toxic given they waited for a favour until you got back
get boundaries in place and prioritise your family

Just before you walk in door: text to sister ‘home, call you soon xx’ - “sorry friend, need to see the family before I can speak’ - Sorted. Then set phone on DND and see DH/kids. Takeaway is a nice idea - do you not have just eat /deliveroo etc. so DH can order online??

This!! Not sure why you felt so beholden to your friend.

Maybe a new strategy ... use Just Eat and order on an app.

Why would you pick up to a friend when you’re just home? Stop being a doormat, you don’t NEED to respond to your phone unless it’s a dire emergency.

The irony is OP is still here on the phone ignoring her DH and complaining about too many notifications, and she now has lots of MN posts to read which no doubt will be priority for the rest of the evening.