I've just walked through the door after a much needed week away ...

[Alongstretchhome]

It was a weeks holiday to get away from lots of stress. Lovely break just what I needed. But .. I walked through the door, exhausted, to a message from a friend asking me for (another) favour. This friend knew I was due home this evening. I hadn't even seen my DDs before the phone is pinging for a favour. Dh moaning at me that I'm on my phone as soon as we get in (lots of messages back & forth with friend re the favour), dh then decides we're all getting a takeaway, fine with me, but I'm then being pressed to chose my dishes and make the call to the takeaway (he can't call) while I'm sorting out friend. My sister then messages me to say "I assume you are home" ie I've not heard from you that you are home OK. Cue quick message to her, who I can tell is annoyed.
All I wanted was a cup of coffee and a hot shower after a long flight.

Both messages could have waited. An hour would make no difference in a non emergency situation.

Greet DC
Order food
Quick shower

It's up to you whether you respond to the friend. You could have ignored her text and focused on the children and your husband.

However, your husband isn't getting a takeaway for everyone if you have to choose the dinner and make the phone call. What else does he "do" where you do 99% of the legwork?
Why did he not have dinner already organised? Did he know when you were due to arrive home?

Hey OP. I’m a people pleaser and it’s hard to break away from. I would invite you - if you’re not happy with stuff like this - (which it sounds you’re not) to start putting the boundaries in. It probably will be hard, but I recommend doing it as much as you feel you can- and it different ways/different levels. And when you don’t manage it, it’s really important not to brag yourself up. I think of pleasing as a trauma response. I relied on it to avoid the shame of criticism.

I started by saying no - by text and I keep it brief and I don’t apologise (as I’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just a fact that I don’t have capacity or I’m choosing not to help out/attend/do something)

I remember in the face of the tension of saying no that I made a commitment to myself to remove any excess stress from my life and prioritise my own needs. And that I don’t need to give an excuse or a reason.

that message from your sister would have really annoyed me.

It's not ironic.

You're tired and emotional after travelling and need to get over yourself. The only drama is the one you've made yourself.

Same! Countless 'people pleaser' threads on here baffle me! I couldn't be friends with this type of person. Would drive me mad!

Stop being a doormat.
Your friend and sister can have a response tomorrow/whenever you're ready. FFS you've just come home.
Get Just Eat, Uber Eats, and Food Hub apps, allowing your DH to order. He knows what you like.

You are a slave to your phone. As others have said, turn it off. You have been away from your family for a week and need to be with them. Thats the downside of mobile phones, - for many it is like another limb and are available to all on demand. Try and look at it less and enjoy the freedom.

You had a long haul flight to a wellness retreat? Sounds fantastic. And expensive. You could have saved yourself a fortune by learning to say no.

Does your dh get expensive holidays himself too?

Why are some people so chewed up about OP's wellness holiday?

The resentment a few of you are exhibiting over OP having a week away to herself. Like she broke the mum and wife code or some shit.
What's all that about?

Isn’t it more that she’s learned absolutely nothing from it, and came back to create exactly the same sort of stress for herself the second she walked through the door?

@Alongstretchhome hopefully you’ve had a bit of time to catch your breath

now. Use this as a catalyst to change

you know your friend is a CF to ask for favours like this, and you know your sister is being passive aggressive and snarky about you being away

youre giving too many people too much unfettered access to you, and they’re not there for you, only for themselves

so go cold turkey on the phone, put it on silent or dnd and don’t reply to any messages when you’re in family time.

fuck ‘em!

you can do something about this, you can set boundaries and you know your DH will back you up on this.

be more selfish and protective of your time.

Don’t be ridiculous. You’re making stuff up

Tbf, being away and working on yourself doesn’t change other people. I don’t think she was expecting all this stuff to hit her the instant she walked in the door.

You need to realise how lucky you are. A week away, a close friend, the means to afford a takeaway, a present family.

How sanctimonious.

Boundaries are your friend here x

Stop being ruled by your phone. Be a bit nicer to your family.

All what stuff? Her husband asking her to choose a takeaway for
dinner? Hardly an onerous task.
They’ve all got to eat.
Her friend asking a favour that necessitated back and forth phone calls? Absolutely op’s choice to deal with this the minute she walked through the door. Ditto the other text / phone call.
None of it needed responding to before she’d even greeted her family.

Just don't reply and turn off your phone. Tell your husband to use Just Eat so he doesn't have to talk to them!

True though