I've just walked through the door after a much needed week away ...

[Alongstretchhome]

It was a weeks holiday to get away from lots of stress. Lovely break just what I needed. But .. I walked through the door, exhausted, to a message from a friend asking me for (another) favour. This friend knew I was due home this evening. I hadn't even seen my DDs before the phone is pinging for a favour. Dh moaning at me that I'm on my phone as soon as we get in (lots of messages back & forth with friend re the favour), dh then decides we're all getting a takeaway, fine with me, but I'm then being pressed to chose my dishes and make the call to the takeaway (he can't call) while I'm sorting out friend. My sister then messages me to say "I assume you are home" ie I've not heard from you that you are home OK. Cue quick message to her, who I can tell is annoyed.
All I wanted was a cup of coffee and a hot shower after a long flight.

Why couldn't you go in, say hello to everyone, have a cuppa and a sit down, get the takeaway ordered, THEN message your friend back to arrange (or decline) the favour?

I'd be annoyed if you ignored the kids to prioritise your friend and sister after being away for a week.. why do they have to wait, but you won't make your friend wait?

@DoreenonTill8 exactly😂🫣

And imagine the reverse. DH has just been away for a week golfing. Walked in door on phone to friend, hasn't spoken to kids. I asked him to order a takeaway and he hasn't done it.

How the other half live.

This is just normal from returning from a relaxing weeks holiday alone. especially as you were alone, your family want to see you and check in on you. You’ve had a week off . It’s just answering texts and ordering a takeaway.

OP my first reaction to the responses to your post is that they're really harsh, but on reflection I think that's because I relate so strongly to your situation that I am a bit defensive!

I don't know if this is what is happening for you but I often find that I have so many situations where the other person really does genuinely need me to be there for them pretty immediately (two DC with medical/SEN issues, super busy and often stressed husband) that I become overwhelmed and find it very hard to distinguished between the 'really must deal with this now' things and the 'actually this person is being a cheeky bugger and can sort themselves out or wait for me' things. So you end up just reacting almost immediately to every demand without allowing yourself to pause and assess whether that's reasonable in the moment.

The other thing I suspect might be happening is that you've just had a presumably much needed whole week away prioritising your own well being and having a break. If you're anything like me there will have been a small, unrealistic part of your brain which will have been thinking "right, this has sorted me out and I will henceforth be a calm and measured person who makes considered decisions at all times about what to do rather than simply reacting to everything the minute it arises". The totally unreasonable disappointment that on returning home all the demands are EXACTLY THE SAME and your newfound wellness/calm evaporates within minutes. I feel it.

But unfortunately the responses above are right. We do need to learn to set boundaries, prioritise and make room for the things which are important rather than reacting to the things which seem urgent. And I say 'we' because I'm talking to myself here too. It would be really nice if all the demands on you in your life would just go away but they won't. So it is on you (and me) to learn to deal with them in a healthy way.

Right there with you.

I really agree with this. Put the damn phone down, hug your child, and have a takeaway with your husband.

This is all very minor. No-one made you respond to those messages. I’d have left them till tomorrow if I was that worn out.

And ordering a takeaway is hardly scaling mount everest! Just relax as best you can and enjoy not having to cook :)

Hello?! He was EXHAUSTED!!

Why on earth did you reply to your friend?

This post is so strange, your attitude is puzzling.

This is another world 🌎
I would never get a night away on my own and I cook every night for all of us

friend using you - I’d bin her off
sister - well if you can tell she’s annoyed then I would try and patch it up but the main priority is dh and kids

takeaway isn’t a big ask if he’s done all the work all week

And why do you have to ring for a takeaway, you can order these things on line.

It sounds like rather than a wellness retreat what you really need is "How to break up with your phone".

Imagine if you'd been home alone with DC all week while DH was off on a relaxing break and then he was too busy on his phone to give you or DC any time or to order a takeaway.

The messages wait.

@Demonhunter I'm reading it again and thinking same. Is it a reverse?

@lmhj I don't know, but if it's not, OP seems to have very little self awareness, to not see how her post makes her come across.

Stop being such a people pleaser.

I’m playing the world’s smallest violin for you

You prioritised your friend over your DH and your DD’s - you should have just said to your friend it wasn’t a good time and turned your phone off.

Sorry but you only have yourself to blame for not imposing boundaries.

You don’t need to respond to text messages instantly . I think the issue is you .

Why on earth were you messaging back and forth with your friend ? Strange thing to do if you'd just got home from a holiday .

You say you went away to get away from stress , but it sounds like you're the one causing it .

Don’t go away on many trips without the family but when I do I always plan a late flight back. that way everyone’s in bed and I just sneak in the house go to bed and wake up ready to resume normal family life the next day.

i sympathise to a point as it’s a bit of a back down to earth with a bump coming home to the usual daily annoyances after a holiday but I do think you could have ignored your phone, there was literally no reason to answer the message as you got in the door. Then you could have ordered a take away and gone for a shower whilst you waited for food. Think you’ve created your own upset a bit here.

As others have said why are prioritising a friend above spending a bit of catch up time with your dc and dh? You need to set boundaries with this friend.

Have several glasses of wine with the takeaway (order online?) and relax. Ignore messages. Stop pleasing people - they will leech you dry if you let them.

This has happened to me multiple times. Especially from my DM, but also DH's boss & theveizt was a friend last year who didn't even wait until I was home to call & hysterically unload her current drama.

I learned no one has respect for my holidays. So I just don't answer, or say we're just home & unpacking, we'll talk tomorrow, busy tonight and don't correspond further. Only you have the power of response. When you do respond quickly you're encouraging more.

And stop saying yes to all the friends favours. Watch how quickly she fisapp8.....

Not a person who does life with strangers pestering me for favours. Depends what the favour is

Turn phone off and don't start a whole anonymous online chat about having a friend msg and ordering a takeaway...it's just one more thing to do🤷‍♀️