Am I being oversensitive? Told off in shop.

[PumpkinSoul]

I think it's relevant that I'm ND and have an anxiety disorder so I don't process things 'normally' often.

My daughter told me she had seen a coat in a charity shop window that she wanted, a style she had been looking for.

She was in school so I decided to go get it for her.

I have real anxiety in shops so I was quite laser focused on going in and checking it was her size.

I went in and went to the window where it was and was trying to look in the nape of it for a label.

The guy who works there walked over and was about 5ft away from me, I turned and looked to him and wanted to ask for help but I really struggle initiating conversation and I was starting to feel flustered because I needed help to find out what size but gelt daft asking for it (happens alot)
He was looking passed me out the window and I tried to make eye contact but he walked away.
So I tried to look if there was a label on the inside pocket area, at the bottom but as I pulled the coat open to look the neatest shoulder slipped off the mannequin, it was falling off (heavy faux fur coat) so I sort of lifted it back and in doing so knocked something off another mannequin next to it, a bag or something maybe?

At this point the guy comes striding over and says in a raised voice 'and THAT is why we don't touch things in the window display!' It was said with a lot of attitude, not playful at all.

I said sorry and I was just trying to see the size as the price label (that have a section for size) didn't say and he said 'there's even a sign!' And pointed to a sign on the floor (weird place??) And I said sorry again but said 'there's no need to speak to me like that though, I wasn't trying to remove it'

And he said he was joking, but he wasn't, my adult son and husband were there.

I know in the scheme of things it doesn't matter but he said this infant of a group of people and honestly talked to me like I was a naughty child (I'll probably get flamed for mentioning it but he was gay and very 'camp' and loud and said it with so much attitude.

I know I was wrong but he didn't have to be so condescending, he could have said 'Do you need a hand? For future reference we ask customers don't get things out of the window so I'll grab it for you'

I just feel like all my confidence has been knocked out of me as this is the kind of thing I dread when thinking about interacting with people.

I think if you're not autistic you might not understand but I just gave DH the coat to buy and went outside and cried.

Feel stupid.

True, but the world just isn't perfect and its unrealistic for you to expect every single interaction to go exactly as you think it should.

We all need to rub along. Most people are decent and professional. But plenty are rubbish / untrained / a bit thick / having a bad day / its's their first day / have just resigned / dealing with some bad news they just got / just don't care.
I think you need to accept that most people you deal with are one of the above and cut them some slack.
Also accept that it's unlikely you interact perfectly with everyone as your OP highlights.
When comfortable with imperfection the world all of a sudden seems a far more reasonable easier to navigate place.

Facetious.

Ah right.... so you think it's funny that he could also be ND and have been upset, and the only person that matters is the OP?

@Chocolatestrawberry123 also rather bemused by op calling you a 'cheeky upstart' but gives an insight into her personality and the attitude towards the shop staff, that she is not someone to be challenged!

No, but I think it's ridiculous the idea that he would be utterly "distraught".

I suspect that if the OP had described a teacher as looking 'gay and camp' it would not have been allowed. It is a shame that retail workers are treated with a lack of respect in comparison to other professions.

I guess she didn't know what else to say to me, and so resorted to name calling (which doesn't bother me in the slightest) because she couldn't answer my question.
That's how some defensive people are when backed into a corner 😀

@DoTheDinosaurStomp
You are making an assumption. It is not based on reliable evidence. I suspect that any retail worker would find it offensive to be criticised based in part on the way he supposedly looked, 'gay and camp', according to the OP.
If the OP complains to the shop and uses the same language that is in her original post, she might well find herself in trouble.
I am sure the shop has an equality policy that states that shop workers have a right to be treated with respect regardless of sexual orientation. The OP does not treat him with respect when she blames his sexuality for his alleged poor behaviour. It is absolutely not acceptable on her part.

so 3 adults, you, your adult son and your husband went into one shop to enquire about the size of a coat in the window.

why didn't just one of you go in, and go to the counter or the till or to a member of staff and ask ?

@Catticoo she didn't say he looked gay and camp. She was talking about his attitude and tone. The "sass" that some men think is ok to use when speaking to people.

@HollyKnight
The OP wrote, 'he was gay and camp', there was no suggestion that he told her this so she was clearly making an assumption about the way he looked. She implies the reason for his allegedly poor attitude was down to his sexual orientation. That is not acceptable and not an acceptable assumption on the part of the OP.

You see @HollyKnight , I find your comments homophobic.
You are using stereotypical, old fashioned cliches to describe someone's behaviour according to their sexual orientation. I am sure there are plenty of colleagues I have worked with, men and women who are gay but I never questioned it. I work in a school, I cannot imagine making these kind of statements about sexual orientation.
I don't get your references to calling women bitches. I have never described a woman using this term and in all my years of work ( teaching) I have never heard any member of staff male or female use the term.
You are getting distracted. No where does the OP suggest that the shop assistant called her a bitch. Judging people and using sexist and homophobia slurs is completely unacceptable. It would have been a reportable offence if the shop assistant had called her a name based on her sex (he didn't) but neither is it appropriate for her to decide the reasons for his alleged behaviour were down to his sexuality.

I'm making an assumption that he wasn't "distraught" when he got home that night over the issue? Distraught?

Lol it's not an old-fashioned cliche. I know more than a few gay men who have developed a "camp" personna and many others who you would never know. It's not about how they look. You keep going on about the OP saying he looked gay and camp. She did not.

Then @HollyKnight, how did the OP know he was gay? She has made an assumption based on old fashioned stereotypes. There was no need to mention his sexual orientation. Her post would have been stronger without.
I suspect that the OP would not couch her complaint to the store using the language she uses in her OP. Not cool, not appropriate

Smh she is trying to explain to us the tone and attitude he used with her.

But you crack on making this about him looking gay. Whatever that means.

@HollyKnight
The OP suggested that his behaviour was down to the shop assistant being allegedly gay.
I would appreciate it when someone is moaning about a shop assistant or teacher or any other professional, they did not make reference to their race, faith, sexual orientation,age etc. It is discriminatory. It is unnecessary and uncomfortable.

Oh wow

…….😮

She didn't say he looked gay. She said he was gay.

How did she know he was gay?

So basically the OP has labelled the poor assistant as a 'gay twat' , but she's the 'victim'. It's disgraceful.

Her last post was just a real turnabout on her attitude

I feel a bit bothered by it. I don’t think she’s as meek as she’s making out after the last few posts

@PumpkinSoul has been asked this several times, in slightly different ways, but has chosen not to answer.

3 adults, one of whom is unable to speak in a shop, is unable to judge social situations and is unaware of pretty basic social expectations, and the other two are closely related so presumably know all this about the OP, go in to a shop, cause havoc, and yet neither of the two people with her (who know her and presumably love her) give her any support, and yet the OP starts a thread to blame the poor soul who was giving up his time to serve in a charity shop.

Excellent post @alwaysmovingforwards

If only more posters on MN gave that some thought sometimes.

"I would appreciate it when someone is moaning about a shop assistant or teacher or any other professional, they did not make reference to their race, faith, sexual orientation,age etc. It is discriminatory. It is unnecessary and uncomfortable"

Exactly @Catticoo. And in this case, OP was fully aware that any reference to the shop assistant's sexuality (plus bizarre sexual stereotyping) was completely irrelevant. I don't understand why she acknowledged that yet still posted it?

I'm not calling troll but combined with her later posts it appears just so disingenuous - as though it's almost deliberately goady. The whole thing feels a little odd.