Am I being oversensitive? Told off in shop.

[PumpkinSoul]

I think it's relevant that I'm ND and have an anxiety disorder so I don't process things 'normally' often.

My daughter told me she had seen a coat in a charity shop window that she wanted, a style she had been looking for.

She was in school so I decided to go get it for her.

I have real anxiety in shops so I was quite laser focused on going in and checking it was her size.

I went in and went to the window where it was and was trying to look in the nape of it for a label.

The guy who works there walked over and was about 5ft away from me, I turned and looked to him and wanted to ask for help but I really struggle initiating conversation and I was starting to feel flustered because I needed help to find out what size but gelt daft asking for it (happens alot)
He was looking passed me out the window and I tried to make eye contact but he walked away.
So I tried to look if there was a label on the inside pocket area, at the bottom but as I pulled the coat open to look the neatest shoulder slipped off the mannequin, it was falling off (heavy faux fur coat) so I sort of lifted it back and in doing so knocked something off another mannequin next to it, a bag or something maybe?

At this point the guy comes striding over and says in a raised voice 'and THAT is why we don't touch things in the window display!' It was said with a lot of attitude, not playful at all.

I said sorry and I was just trying to see the size as the price label (that have a section for size) didn't say and he said 'there's even a sign!' And pointed to a sign on the floor (weird place??) And I said sorry again but said 'there's no need to speak to me like that though, I wasn't trying to remove it'

And he said he was joking, but he wasn't, my adult son and husband were there.

I know in the scheme of things it doesn't matter but he said this infant of a group of people and honestly talked to me like I was a naughty child (I'll probably get flamed for mentioning it but he was gay and very 'camp' and loud and said it with so much attitude.

I know I was wrong but he didn't have to be so condescending, he could have said 'Do you need a hand? For future reference we ask customers don't get things out of the window so I'll grab it for you'

I just feel like all my confidence has been knocked out of me as this is the kind of thing I dread when thinking about interacting with people.

I think if you're not autistic you might not understand but I just gave DH the coat to buy and went outside and cried.

Feel stupid.

On the "but you had people with you, why didn't they do it" aspect, I think sometimes people don't appreciate others with disabilities/conditions (whatever term you choose) would like to be as independent as we can.

"You don't need to wheel yourself round the whole shop to choose something, why didn't your DH get it for you?"

"You couldn't see the instructions properly why didn't your DH just read it for you out instead of using a scanner/reader?"

"Waiting for the lift takes longer than walking a flight of stairs, why didn't your DH just run up to reception and ask your question?"

BECAUSE WE WANT TO DO IT OURSELVES.

Saying it as a general point as it keeps being raised. I, and many other friends with disabilities, want to do stuff for ourselves and if our partners are with us, they are back up for when we ask them for support (or for addressing people who have caused us upset to the point we leave so they HAVE to complete something for us and so they call someone out on what they've done to upset us)

I'm speaking about myself though and I've not been in the particular situation where I have run off crying to post sexist shit on mumsnet then have a complete turnabout and flounce, as that's never happened to me.

All good points about independence. But doesn't someone deserve to be told that what they're attempting is the wrong thing to do and will have an impact on others? I'd expect my husband or son to tell me if I was unintentionally doing something I shouldn't be.

This is pretty rude about a volunteer who had given up his time to help in a charity shop. He said something to you about being more careful and not touching the window displays, yet you have oversensitively reacted and then called him a "camp twat". 😳

Yes, be upset and think about it for a while but don't be rude or unkind. It's not a good look.

Surely if you had your loving spouse with you, if you were getting to the stage of crying on the pavement they would step in and diffuse the situation?

Obviously everyone wants to be independent and be part of society but if something is so overwhelming or difficult, does your loving partner not step in then?

How can strangers know what is the acceptance level or behaviour?

@PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich and @frozendaisy absolutely my own DH would gently (ie "what are you doing you tool, get out of the window! What would you like, I'll get it" ) point out if if I was breaking any social codes etc, but OP seemed to have the situation in hand while she was in the window, she even pulled SA up on how he spoke to her. So her DH may have decided to leave it at that point, especially knowing OP better than we do.She does also say it happened quickly.

If I had handed the coat to my DH and left the shop in tears, he probably would have spoken with the SA and said he should watch his tone. Ironically he would never come home and posted on the internet calling him a silly camp gay twat though (nor would I).

Thinking a bit more though, to be honest, my own DH wouldn't have pulled SA up at all, he would think I was the one BU, but I'm not OP...

I wonder what the DH here thinks. I'm fully aware I cause my DH lots more trouble than he'd get being with someone without my issues but he obviously thinks the good outweighs the bad. I also think he can tell the difference between an external factor causing me trouble, or if I'm just being a dick. Both situations equally likely. People with disabilities can be knobs too

Even if items are "easily accessible' in a charity shop, they're still part of the display and it's rude to just help yourself to items from there.
If you want anything from the display then just ask a staff member if they could get it, it's not difficult.

yes he was rude. You were a pain in the arse. Nobody has covered themselves in glory.
You need to move on. I suspect he’s pretty pissed off too and in his defence he was VOLUNTEERING HIS TIME FOR CHARITY.

This thread was from October, I’m pretty sure the OP has moved on.