What things are “very Mumsnet”

[Kibble29]

Lighthearted of course before anyone says otherwise.

I really enjoy the threads that remind you of things that are quintessentially MN but rarely come up in real life. They always throw up lots of quips that I’ve forgotten about.

Such as:

(24 year old man with 2 children and a mortgage cheats on his wife, wife posts about it)

MN: have you considered that he doesn’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe and this may contribute to his impulsive behaviour?

I feel like you've been spying on me.

Every child needs to be in a rear facing seat until the age of 18, after which they are turfed out of the house, expected to find somewhere else to live, no longer allowed lifts, and must find their own way in the world.

All 23 year old daughters should be home by 10:00 pm.

And he keeps telling me I won't find anyone better, he wouldn't lie to me!

Knickers must cover your belly button!

It's honestly never occurred to me people lie about these things. Even though morally dubious, I can understand someone lying and exaggerating in person or on their social media, to impress etc.
But what is the point lying on an anonymous site like this, where is the satisfaction in that? Genuinely baffled.

See I do use that word fairly often, but I dont think I would use it on here. I quite enjoy a varied and reasonably florid vocabulary in life, but on here I'm much more likely to use basic vocabulary. Variety in the spoken word in satisfying and enjoyable which is not true of the casual interactions of texts and MM forums.

All of these are spot on.

All perfectly acceptable words?

Not so much Mumsnet, but social media on general. Does anyone remember “backchat” on teletext, which was a forerunner to social media, where people could send in comments? There was a comment from 1997, which I think sums up the whole of social media:

”I love Backchat, because of all the really silly things you write in about. Keep up the good work, everyone! It’s so funny!”

Is this an actual game or is it a euphemism for something?

Perhaps it's my dad's idea of a salad which is something like pork pie, quiche, ham, cold chicken, cheese, scotch egg, cold sausage, hard boiled egg, coleslaw, a pickle and a cherry tomato.

They are mentally ill if they are doing all that.

A huge salad? That's just greedy.

I think that was the thread I was on - I had to hide it in the end. Gyms are open 24 hours a day, and so what you do is cycle to the gym before 6am, do an hour of weights, cycle home, get changed and ready for work, deal with dogs/kids, and then go to full time work for an 8am start (they were a bit vague on the details of how they can achieve all this so I began to wonder a bit...). If you can't do it in the morning then you do it late at night at your local 24 hour gym ('cos everyone has one of those). You do this several times a week - 5 sessions or classes minimum. There is No Excuse - you simply need to prioritise your health.

If you’re a character in an Enid Blyton novel, maybe…

The funny thing is that in regular MN life, everyone is so efficient and organised, up at 4.45am to go the gym, back to get kids ready for nursery/school , make healthy pack lunches that involve humous and vegetable sticks, cook something from scratch that they can bung in the slow cooker, put 3 loads of laundry on and get to their desk at 8.30am.

Contrast with....

At a holiday cottage it is a complete imposition, and extremely unreasonable to be asked to empty a rubbish bin or wash up breakfast dishes and strip beds before the ungodly hour of 10am! on check out day because they are on holiday (personally the first and last days of holidays for me, have slightly different rules, in fact I usually get up earlier to go on holiday than I do to go to work!)

Having Christmas 'just our little family'.

Everyone's children doing 10 extra curriculars including French horn, viola and Mandarin Chinese.

Permanently being out on a long dog walk.

😂😂 that’s so true!

The ‘what’s everyone eating’ threads, it’s never sausage and mash or potato waffles and beans, it’s always ethnic infused pretentious food that is straight out the pages of the guardian.

Then there is the posts looking for food ideas for their little darlings. They state that their little one enjoys fruit, natural yogurt, nuts seed and lentils, they just can’t stop them binging on carrot sticks and hummus. They don’t want them eating sugary cereals or UPF, can anyone suggest any wholesome meal ideas for their two year old? So I’m meant to believe you have no idea what other food is already out there and you’re not just showing the fuck off you pretentious bellend! (Apologies, might be due to a thread I read today)

Saying you are having an affair with a married man with 6 kids and whose wife is pregnant with triplets. He and his wife have lived separate lives for years. And please no judgement.

32-38 being the only acceptable window for having children.
Over 40 = slight judgement
Under 30 = major judgement

Any DH who dares to try and initiate sex with his wife or tentatively suggests he'd love to have sex more often is a monster, an abuser, a manipulator, gas lighting, guilt tripping, sex addict, probably looking for an affair and addicted to porn too. Oh and a pathetic, whinging, entitled man-child obviously.

I'd be quite flattered. Next best thing to looking young surely.

Unlike me, l was told on MN that they had names for girls like me when they were at school.

Yep, we were fun and had fun!