Why would a SW need to interview children alone

[Nuthatches]

I have 2 DC (teens). DC1 with severe learning difficulties and DC2 with a host of severe MH issues (depression, anxiety, undiagnosed Asd (waiting list). DC2 attempted to commit suicide a few days ago. SW has been assigned. She called and says she needs to speak to both children alone. Why would she need to speak to DC1 who has nothing to do with the whole suicide attempt and doesn't understand what is going on in any case? Is this a child protection case?

But SW dont know that you are not abusive, they need to investigate.

I don't think they did , what i think they were saying is that the same protocol has to be used in all cases ,that must be the right thing to do even though it causes good parents to feel the way you are feeling , the child is the priority .
I am so sorry for you and your child and i hope life gets better for you all .

No, she didn't, OP. She said children can't speak freely in front of an abusive parent. Obviously SWs don't know who's abusive and who isn't, but that's a million miles from saying you're abusive.

It's must be an incredibly tough time for you all. I'm so glad your child is still here and I really hope they can get the help they need.

Do you have any support with family or friends?

Honestly sounds like you do need some support. Sounds like your making this about you instead of your children.

This.

I’m surprised nobody has mentioned your childs legal right to an advocate.

https://www.nyas.net/

Find your local provider on this website or call their helpline.

Coram also have specialist advocates I believe:

https://coramvoice.org.uk/for-professionals/specialist-advocacy-service/disability/

I would also echo other posters. Work WITH the social workers.

I’m sure mums who have been in the media for child cruelty recently would say they weren’t bad mums either. The SW doesn’t know you. She can’t just assume because you say all is okay at home, that you’re being truthful. Only by speaking to your children, alone, can she ensure their home environment is fine. She will be trained to spot signs during the interviews as to whether there are issues. It’s just process OP, which I’m guessing is applied to all situations of this nature.

This is what I was looking for…
coramvoice.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/non_instructed_advocacy_leaflet.pdf

This didn't happen when one of mine tried to kill themselves. They tried multiple times too. Had a social worker too.

Respectfully (and I’m confident you’re open and receptive to this correction since you made effort to do similar), it’s also good to try not to talk in terms of ‘success’ in terms of a fatal suicide attempt/ or ‘successfully’ taking one’s life due
to the framing as an achievement it implies. It’s definitely a daily commitment to unlearning stuff like this and using more helpful language for sure.

OP, do you have any support with this? Can we help you to access some?

OP, I feel your pain to some degree, though my situation was not as bad. My abusive father several times reported my mum to social services when I was younger & it was horrible for both of us, esp her. But she accepted deep down that it's better this than children go under the radar. They can't take your word bc sadly abusers can be good actors.

Special Needs Jungle had an article last week, on a Law Commission into children's social services and disabled children:

https://www.specialneedsjungle.com/law-commission-review-complex-disabled-childrens-social-care-system/

NB especially, the points in the paragraph on "The Law Commission has heard families!"

This

Your stress, distress and fear pour out of the page with every word you type. Have you been signed off work with stress? Yes you will get less each month BUT you have one less thing to worry about. Ask your mortgage company to put a break on your repayments for a couple of months or go to interest only.

Try and think about this as a way to try and get a few more doors to open. Also remember the Samaritans are there for a listening ear for you. Give yourself permission to open up to them or someone to say your fears out loud. Try deep breathing. Anything to just give your brain a moment to take a step back.

No one is judging you, I promise. How old are your children xx

I can see why it would make you anxious but as a social worker, it’s nothing to worry about. Children need the opportunity to talk freely otherwise those who are abused would fall through the cracks. The social worker will be kind to your children, they won’t grill them and fire off lots of questions. They’ll just ask if they ok, explain that their role is to support, ask if there is anything making them sad or anything they need help with.

What a nasty thing to say. The OP is in an incredibly stressful situation - of course she's thinking of her children.

Hi OP

I've had SS involvement due to DD's behaviour and her suspected ASD which causes the behaviour

SS have been amazing, they got my daughter bumped up to the top of the ND waiting list. They spoke to the CAHMs SPOA in July,my daughter began the assessment process in September, another appointment in October and the final part of the assessment is in November. Social services can be very very helpful and supportive

They might be able to help get your child bumped up the list like they have with my DD

Edited to add:

Social services also got me a referal for a carers assessment, they had lots of support group ect, for adults and children parents ect things for respite ect

It’s so they can offer help to your child and you as a family, or detect underlying neglect or abuse. Sorry you’re going through this, but best to let the SW do their job.

You are forgetting one essential fact - they don't know you or your child. They don't know what might be there, and there have been cases when kids have been interviewed with parents, given the impression that they had a loving home and then died of the abuse they have received. Sadly professionals may "not suspect" anything, but that doesn't guarantee nothing is happening. It will simply be standard practice to ensure ALL children they are working with get time without their parents, even if there is NOTHING to suggest abuse.

Even in other fields it is good practice to not involve someone who could be a problem in interviews. For example I have recently had some involvement with workplace support as a disabled worker. My boss is the sweetest, most caring, helpful boss anyone could wish for, but they still wanted to speak to me alone for one of the meetings.

no, they didn't. They said that social workers have to make sure children aren't with abusive parents. That's different. It is standard procedure and just a box they have to tick to be on the safe side.

The social worker doesn't know your family at all. S/he has to find out how it all operates so that they can support you. Support is the big word here, and it is the crucial thing that you've been missing. All your comments are so clearly showing that you feel very much alone and unsupported and are doing an amazing job looking after both of your children. But you want support. This way, you can get it. The social worker can make things happen that would not happen just by going to the GP. In terms of someone to help DC2, and potentially DC1 and/or you with D1 as necessary. Of course she needs to see the whole picture, and you would want her to because you want her to see how much you do, what the challenges are and where they can support you.

For example, DC1 having severe learning difficulties will impact DC2 both directly and indirectly. And the SW has to see what has happened with DC2 so she can help you give robust and immediate support to make sure he gets over having got to the point of considering harming himself.

I don't need to tell you how serious it is that DC2 has done that. So please try to see it from the perspective of now someone is coming in to try to help you all.

It's natural to be defensive and protective, alarmed and angry at the idea of a stranger with authority coming in to question your kids. And you will of course have chance to fully brief her on DC1's situation before she talks to him. Talking alone is procedure, you have nothing to worry about. I do hope you can use the support that this should offer you, and not be upset by it.

I understand how stressful this is OP, I've been in your shoes. What's even worse is it sounds like you've been everywhere asking for help, so CAHMS, school and so on, and got nowhere. The MASH safeguarding referral might be an opportunity to restate these needs. They will just talk to your children alone to see if they have anything they want to say without a parent around. That part is not against you, it's for them to raise anything.

I have to say having been through this a couple of times, we never even had a social worker allocated, they just dismissed the case over the phone as we had a private therapist at the time for my dd and they just washed their hands of it and ran away fast.

Use this horrible event to pressure the GP and services to refer again to CAHMS and/or move up the CAHMS list.

I didn't get whether you are a lone parent, I am, and that makes everything exhausting and so tiring, you feel you are the only thing preventing your dc2 taking their life, and you simply can't watch them 24/7. There are no good answers and the system is absolutely bare and will not help you. My main advice would be to try to get your dc2 some counselling either privately or on a reduced rate, and put that before more or less anything other than essential bills, as the state won't step in. If they are a carer for your son (even in minor ways) then they may also get counselling through being a Young Carer.

Speak with the SW, don't be hostile, let them know you are desperate and will do anything to help your children, and use this as a way to leverage more help for you and for them.

Hi Op I am so sorry you are going through this. There is an article in the Times today about how the life chances and outcomes for children with ASD are being seriously harmed long term by the lack of MH support and years long waits for diagnoses. Don't be passive in this assessment. It may be a chance to get some extra help for your child. If you have an assessment report which states that your child needs a MH assessment and support put in place and an EHCP at school etc then this may bump you up the list as your need is greater. Think about what you want and speak up to the SW. If you have it in writing from a professional that this is what is needed it means you can go back to the school and camhs etc with a stronger demand for what you need.

Having SS involved has been invaluable for my son to finally get the help that he needs. They have attended meetings and advocated for him so strongly, holding people to account, asking questions and insisting that his needs are met.

It ended up with him moving into care when his behaviour was having such a detrimental affect on his mental health (shame responses and suicidal ideation) and he is now a different person - thriving and so happy with zero self harm.

I know it’s hard but please try to have an open mind. It might be that their involvement is a turning point for your son and for your family. I know it was for us.

They really didn’t. They were explaining why the SW would need to speak to your children alone. They don’t yet know that you’re not an abusive parent. Think back to the many cases that have hit the headlines in the past after a child dies at the hands of their parents and SS were already in contact with the family but clearly failed.