Why would a SW need to interview children alone

[Nuthatches]

I have 2 DC (teens). DC1 with severe learning difficulties and DC2 with a host of severe MH issues (depression, anxiety, undiagnosed Asd (waiting list). DC2 attempted to commit suicide a few days ago. SW has been assigned. She called and says she needs to speak to both children alone. Why would she need to speak to DC1 who has nothing to do with the whole suicide attempt and doesn't understand what is going on in any case? Is this a child protection case?

You don't need a diagnosis to get an EHCP
Or whatever they call now
You can apply yourself I had it to do with both of mine
It got refused ,so I took it to tribunal ,there it was accepted.
It takes time ,but there is sendiass who can help
My son came out of school in year 2,after threatening to kill himself,that's how we got camhs ...so I applied and got him an EHCP ,and got him on line learning.lea refused to pay for on line learning,so I went back to tribunal and got it funded .by year 7 he was doing brilliantly with his on line learning,he's now doing his GCSEs ,on line .
You can be doing the same ,while you wait for the autism diagnosis.
I had 4kids at home while I did the paperwork,and it's exhausting,but the alternative is no education..so....

I understand you’re feeling really stressed and on the edge. It’s terrible that families have to suffer like this. SS may be able to expedite your CAMHS assessment. Try and see it as a positive thing. I know you needed support before this and they left you to it, but they often won’t act until something like this happens. Better late than never.

Op my eldest son attempted suicide 2 years ago. He's autistic and was discharged from camhs at 18 but wasnt passed on to adult care, and his MH declined. I too begged for help and none was forthcoming. Until the suicide attempt.

I have two other young teens and SS suddenly got involved in exactly the same way you are describing because the threshold for intervention changed.

I know it's scary and you're angry but honestly 2 years on and there's been a massive improvement with a lot more support as a result. You're at rock bottom with it all, I know, but try to trust the process. Ask questions but try to avoid hostility as it's likely to make you look asitf you have something to hide. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's incredibly stressful but by working with the multiple agencies that will now be involved, better care will be on the way.

Surely you can see that SS need to establish for themselves how your kids are doing. They can't just take your word for it.

I get that your DC1 might find talking to a stranger distressing but it is something to try and get them more used to, if you can.

They need to verify that for themselves. Abusive parents don't identify themselves

It's not your fault at all but it's definitely not a stable & happy household for either DC.

Hopefully the social services involvement will help get some support in place for all of you.

Thank you!

Just engage with them and go through the process. The social worker has to follow the protocol. You say there’s no abusive so you’ll be fine and will have nothing to worry about, but imagine a situation where there was abuse and the social worker didn’t follow the protocol and it got missed. So they have to follow it for everyone.

Is there anyway to get a break, even for an hour op? Do you have a partner or a family member, trusted friend who can sit with your kids whilst you go for a coffee and a walk? Clear your head.

its obviously you're very naturally not thinking straight, and not in a good place mentally. It’s important you can phrase this as a good thing, as help, as supporting your child to understand what will happen, why and that them being open and honest is key to accessing help.

thinking it’s about you, investigating you, is going to be very damaging to all of you. You need a break to clear your head if possible so you can think rationally again, and I’d also maybe see your own doctor, to see how you can get supported as you’re not coping , which is fully understandable, it would take most people to breaking point, so reaching out for help for you it’s important.

It can be her. They can't insist on speaking to a child alone. However OP it's quite normal to ask, children need to have a safe place to talk without the parent hearing/influencing what's being said.

How old are the kids- is it something to go with them being underage ?

It’s because sadly there are abusive parents out there, and while it’s wonderful for your dc that they have a supportive mum, many children do not. The SW’s first priority is keeping your children safe and well. And they need to talk to the children so that the ones that need safeguarding don’t slip through the cracks. Realistically also, not all people harming children are their parents but if someone is harming them, they are less likely to disclose that with a parent in the room. If your child had something they needed to tell the SW about a teacher or neighbour or friend’s parent, you absolutely want them to have a safe space to talk about that.

I think it can't be her because of conflict of interests with both children. Normally yes but not if they are speaking to both of them.

this is not correct. Please check your facts before you post on a thread like this, they absolutely can do this, for a variety of reasons. Positing erroneous info, no matter how well intentioned is not ok.

@Nuthatches

Attelina
Please insist on a third party being present when the social worker talks to your child.

Don't ever let them talk to your child alone.

is there a reason you would recommend that? bad experience?

............

My reasoning is that the Social Worker on her own can be biased or even bad at her job. You need someone else there to make sure the Social Worker is doing her job properly and not putting words into the mouths of your children or making false reports.

This is all normal. An assessment will involve the whole family. They speak to the children separately so the child can safely talk about any issues. A parent's presence may inhibit the child - not because they are abusive necessarily but they may just put their own spin on things. Plus a child may have things to say about you that aren't indicative of abuse but hinder the relationship in some way. No one is absolutely perfect and families all have different dynamics.

I mean, yes technically, but that's really not how social workers approach meetings with parents and children. We take a strengths based approach and don't assume everyone is abusive until proven otherwise. Most parents aren't.

OP, you've asked a question and people have told you the reason why, yet you take personal offence. Most teens do not just have bad mental health, yes some are more susceptible to MH issues, but there is likely a trigger/cause. Maybe you have rightfully chosen not to discuss as that's not thw point of your post. However, there may be something your DC is yet to disclose- bullying, witnessing a traumatic event, etc.

You are understandably overwhelmed and at he end of your tether due to what you've explained in your posts.

The SW has to speak to both DC individually, it's their job. Please try to see it as your child's best interest in protecting them, rather than an attack on you. Whether or not your DC1 has complex needs is irrelevant, they will document that your child is limited or unable to express themselves.

Imagine a situation where a child has significantly MH issues due to abusive parents. Parents lie about the current situation etc. That child may/may not disclose abuse. Later, child is significantly harmed or killed.

Serious case review highlights that no one asked the other children how they were feeling or what happens in the household. That one contact by themselves may have been the one chance to help those children.

In cases where parents/carers are manipulative, if more than 1 DC says similar things are happening, then that helps to prove that the child/ren aren't lying.

But it isn’t for no reason is it?

They will absolutely have been impacted by a sibling attempting suicide and definitely need counselling and support. If they are anxious as you say, then this is even more likely. The SW is an expert at working with children, especially ones like your second child.

I’m really not sure how you can say ‘it has nothing to do with them’ when they are a member of the same familial unit, live in the same house and it was their sibling’s MH has lead to this action - frankly, the fact that you do not recognise their unique and individual needs simply confirms the extent to which they DO need to be seen by the SW. And likely need some support put in place.

No one is implying you’re an abusive parent.

What we’re trying to explain is that the procedure is the same whether you’re abusive or not. Because SW simply dont know until they’ve met you.

ain some ways, it’s good they are meeting with dc1. It might trigger more help for you on the ground of the very complex and difficult situation you are in (through no fault of your own!)

Stop being so defensive.

And yes, saying 'I am not a bad parent' and 'invade' is defensive.

Of course they need to speak to them in private.

This is their profession.

They know what some children endure from parents and that speaking without the parent looking at them can be the only time they feel able to say what's in their hearts.

This is the chance for the SW to reassure themselves all is well with their relationship with you.

And it might give them the chance to speak freely about something troubling them they may not have felt able to tell you.

A non-connected stranger can be the ideal person to confide in.

Just step away from the prickly anger and start telling yourself this is a chance, help for your family.

Mate, I am a social worker of many many years experience. We cannot insist on speaking to children alone! We work with consent. The only time we might see a child without the parent's consent is if we are visiting as part of a section 47 enquiry and it's an urgent visit because we are concerned about immediate risk of significant harm. Otherwise we ASK parents consent and if they don't consent we don't do it.

Every parent is potentially abusive, it doesn't mean they actually think you are. They just have to follow procedure.

Most teens do not just have bad mental health, yes some are more susceptible to MH issues, but there is likely a trigger/cause.

Which, from what the OP has said, is ‘simply’ the fact dc2 is autistic but is receiving no support at all.

Honestly, social workers can't insist on seeing children alone. We try to get parents to agree to seeing them alone or with a trusted adult (like a teacher) if they don't want that but if a parent insists on being present we have no legal right to insist otherwise. We work with consent.

Also social workers are not allowed to assume there is no abuse just because the family are "nice" and the parent seems lovely. It's not personal against you. They are also traoned in how to talk to children and understand how to question them appropriately. They won't be forcing your child to do or say anything, just trying to elicit a response. If none, so be it.