Why would a SW need to interview children alone

[Nuthatches]

I have 2 DC (teens). DC1 with severe learning difficulties and DC2 with a host of severe MH issues (depression, anxiety, undiagnosed Asd (waiting list). DC2 attempted to commit suicide a few days ago. SW has been assigned. She called and says she needs to speak to both children alone. Why would she need to speak to DC1 who has nothing to do with the whole suicide attempt and doesn't understand what is going on in any case? Is this a child protection case?

Nobody is saying that you are however the social worker can't just take your word for that.

I don’t think they are at all. They’re just saying that’s the angle that SS need to cover. They don’t know you. They can’t have a chat and think you seem like a nice person so they won’t bother. They have to follow policy. Hopefully this could be a positive thing and they help get support in place, get a CAHMS appointment sorted, etc???

Nobody implied that at all. That is just a starting point with the social worker. They need to interview the children in all cases to make sure nothing is missed. You could be parent of the year and it wouldn't change that.

There are still disability social workers ,my son had one ,it's the older son who is being seen who doesn't have a diagnosis, that's maybe why it's been picked up by child protection.

So are you saying the child is suffering trauma each day they go to school?

If so, remove the child from school and their mental health will improve.

It’s interesting because that’s their job. That is the sole purpose of SW.

But I have never actually seen it written down like that and that is the complete opposite of innocent until proven guilty principle.

Ie. The police can’t assume everyone is a potential criminal until proven otherwise.

It has nothing to do with this thread but it’s an interesting thought I hadn’t considered before.

Did your DC2 make a statement about things happening at home? DD attempted this due to severe bullying, ended up in the hospital. No SW referral made, just the standard referrals to the MH and Crisis teams alongside lots of very useful info on how to support DD and what to say/not to say when it comes to her talking about things and advice on helping her open up about how she was feeling.

edited to clarify - DD attempted to end her life, not attempted to say there were problems at home. Also I’m guessing responses by the hospital are different between region to region so I’m not accusing you of anything untoward either!

Op you can't see the wood for the trees.
Did you post about this the other day, regarding professionals saying you had to provide 24/7 suicide watch?

Regardless whether you can see it or not your dc1 is affected by what's going on within the family and home. The speaking to dc1 will prob last 5 minutes and won't be traumatic. It will be a developmentally appropriate interaction.

Try and engage with the process. It's your best way right now of getting help for your family.

Do you have a union, a staff welfare officer, an employee assistance programme at work? The possibility of compassionate leave under the circumstances?

Part of your line manager's duty is to support team members in crisis, and you are at the end of your endurance.

They need to do this part of their job.

Write it all out carefully and request a formal meeting, copied to their own manager.

You've had a horrible shock.

Unfortunately it's coming out here in defensive, angry, negative, lashing out behaviour.

We're seeing that here, when posters including social workers, parents who've been in your situation and people who were once like your child offer genuine advice.

So put away any assumptions you have about social workers.

Stop thinking and saying things like they're crawling out of the woods to investigate me.

Take your focus off yourself and onto where it belongs - how you and they can work together to benefit your family.

Start working on understanding that they are there to HELP.

Tell yourself that that this thing that's happened puts your family into a different place and should trigger proper help and support.

And co-operate.

Listen to those who explain that the SW cannot KNOW you are a good person. They do know abusers CAN play the part of a pleasant, decent person (no I am not accusing you of being an abuser). And they know falling for that leads to children being left in danger.

I understand they can't insist or force you to consent. But allowing them to use their professional skills to speak privately with your children would be wise.

All the best to you all, OP.

Posting to say that although SS/school/and assessment have not helped in the past despite your repeated requests, doesn't mean that they will not help now. Given your child's suicide attempt, the level of risk and need will have been significantly increased from thier perspective and hopefully that will mean that you and your child should be given the help they need and deserve. It will feel unfair that it has come to this to get help, but let them speak to your children and press for the help you all need.
Good luck & best wishes

I once had a social worker's letter..

It was a 'misunderstanding' but looking back with clear eyes, I can see how it happened.

And I'm glad it did.

It was a low time, I was financially struggling to pay all bills and mortgage, and it was a couple of weeks before Christmas.

I'd got DS home from school, but we needed something from the shops,{I'd forgotten} and DS needed to come.

He wanted to watch TV, not trudge out to the shops on a cold, dark afternoon.

I said I was going out, and he had to hurry....I was waiting on the path, with dog, and son was banging on the window..and the glass gave way.

It shattered.

It was a freezing cold day, and I needed now to get to a glaziers.

DS and I and dog went to the glaziers to get some glass...

Glazier said ''is that your blood?'' - pointing to dots of it in a line on the floor....

Falling glass had cut the dog's hock and due to darkness, I'd not noticed

So we now needed vet.

In vets, son and I were both crying -

I said ''I have no money, I just can't pay this at the moment''

A couple of elderly ladies said ''We will pay'' - but I said ''no, Son must pay out of his pocket money''

It was such a low time.

Son had also cut his hand that I'd not seen, and it was just ...FRAUGHT.

I'm certain it was the vets who called social worker, as they had our address.

When the social worker came, I actually said ''ask son anything you like''...she was actually very nice {I am crying now remembering that afternoon..it was very unfair on poor DS}

I let social worker and DS chat for as long as needed.

I received a letter saying no further action was needed.

Vet charged me very little..I wonder if those dear older ladies helped.

Vet patched up son's hand as well. {No stitches needed there}.

Try not to feel that they are questioning your parenting skills and instead use it as an opportunity to get his assessment fast tracked and support put in place.

how do you suppose I pay the mortgages and bill by just not going to work???? how will winding up homeless help?

Exactly this. They don't know you're not abusive @Nuthatches as an abusive parent says "I'm not abusive" it's a standard procedure to ensure abused kids can speak yo without fear and intimidation. It's not personal against you, but remember they don't know you from Adam at the minute.

Your attitude towards SS is not going to help anyone.

They wouldn't be doing their job properly if they just took your word for not being anything to do with underlying causes, would they?

It's good that they're also checking in on younger DD.

Sometimes parents don't deal well with so much stress in the house and things get taken out on the kids. Not suggesting for a second that this could be the case, but this does need to be looked at if SW is involved.

Op. When this happened to me, the gp signed me off for a month. Obviously we don't know your circumstances but is that a possibility?

People are trying to help. Getting snarky with people who are trying to offer you solutions is counterproductive

OP go and read up on ACES.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=VMpIi-4CZK0&pp=ygUdYWR2ZXJzZSBjaGlsZGhvb2QgZXhwZXJpZW5jZXM%3D

it's nothing we cause

You can’t know that for certain Sadly, there may be things your DC feel they can’t tell you. The SW is making sure. Your best response is to encourage your DC to be as open as they need to be with the SW.

Are you leaping from being advised to seek compassionate leave to just not going to work, not paying mortgage then winding up homeless, op?

Do you see how you need to work on yourself first, and seeking support from work and your own GP would be wise?

At the moment you're stuck in a spin cycle of stress and need to take action to deal with it.

Take the rest of the day off Mumsnet and spend the time crafting your email to your line manager for tomorrow, setting out the situation and requesting a meeting to arrange support and compassionate leave.

And call your GP tomorrow morning to get an appointment - you may be able to be signed off sick.

Social services cannot take your word for the fact you are a good parent etc. I'm sure you are but they need to take a neutral stance and interview children in an age and cognitively appropriate way, they will provide a chaperone as needed. I'm really not suggesting you have done anything wrong but some parents will have and I'm sure they tell social services they have done nothing wrong too

You're saying your child has a learning difficulty - a learning difficulty won't render them unable to participate in a chat with a professional.
If your child has been diagnosed with a learning disability (which is a very different thing to difficulty) then they will require either support, or require to be excused entirely.

The circumstance with both your children in terms of their mental wellbeing sounds incredibly concerning. And you sound very defeatist in terms of them getting the help they need (CAMHS waiting lists are indeed lengthy, however they aren't 6 years!).

Hopefully social work becoming involved will hasten them getting the professional input they desperately need.

Well
a lot of mental health is nurtured behaviour.

so…..

Definitely!
When a social worker wanted to come and visit {reason in post above} I said ''Ask him anything you like''...and I also said to son {aged 9} that he should tell the social worker anything he wanted.

The social worker was lovely.