Why would a SW need to interview children alone

[Nuthatches]

I have 2 DC (teens). DC1 with severe learning difficulties and DC2 with a host of severe MH issues (depression, anxiety, undiagnosed Asd (waiting list). DC2 attempted to commit suicide a few days ago. SW has been assigned. She called and says she needs to speak to both children alone. Why would she need to speak to DC1 who has nothing to do with the whole suicide attempt and doesn't understand what is going on in any case? Is this a child protection case?

school has. the waiting list is 6 years long. we were only referred 1 year ago so 5 years away from a diagnosis and help

If this is the case then that’s exactly what they will find through their investigations and they can then help find support.

The reality is that some children can have severe MH issues, autism, and can ALSO be being abused. The SW has no way of knowing which children that is or not based on parents word alone. No parent comes forward and says “yeah I also hit/scream at/abuse my child”, so they speak to the children and give them the chance to speak freely without parent present to disclose anything they may need to.

why are you saying that social services are not there to help?
When one of my family members took an overdose, social care came and it kickstarted a whole heap of ongoing help that he hadnt been able to access previously.

sadly in my young adults circle there are many who have attempted suicide as a final resort, which led to them getting fast tracked help. Another family member was denied help as she hadnt met the criteria because she HADNT attempted suicide.

They are not there to try to take her away from you or prosecute you or blame you. They are often sadly the gatekeepers for the services you should have had much earlier, but were denied as the system is broken. Like the police. Both professions who shouldnt be the people resposible for access to MH support, and both sadly now tasked with that job.

If there's questions over whether DC2 harmed themselves because of something happening at home, it would be irresponsible not to also give other children in the home a chance to disclose if they wanted. Just because one child harms themselves and the other doesn't, doesn't mean both children can't be suffering at home.

People with LD should be asked questions by professionals like speech and language therapists, who have the training and expertise to assess the comprehension level first. What is the point of a SW asking questions, that are totally beyond the comprehension of the child or young person?

It’s the norm to have interpreters in the NHS for people, who can’t speak English - why is child protection somehow different?

But they don’t know that. Imagine if you ir others were and SS didn’t bother to rule it out.

An autism diagnosis doesn't open up a magic treasure chest of help and support unfortunately. So don't let a long wait list make you feel like you just have to sit and watch the world go by. Very little will change with a diagnosis.

Things that your child may benefit from are based on need, NOT diagnosis. Do they have an EHCP? If so it sounds like there needs tn be an emergency review, and if not, they would probably meet the threshold for one. Do they receive DLA? If so, can that be used to fund some private support?

@NettleTea

why are you saying that social services are not there to help?

because we have been begging for help for years and been told at every opportunity that we are just 'doing fine'.

I said that a few times already. not sure what is there to not understand???

No they didn’t. They explained that there is a certain procedure in case if parents are abusive.

However I would double check if there is a way to get someone present whom DC1 knows (e.g from school) to help with communication as they have learning difficulties.

But the SW doesn’t know you yet. Look at all the kids who were abused and killed by an abusive step parent or parent and everyone shouted where were the Social Workers in all this, why didn’t they see the kids? They need to get an overall picture of the difficulties your DD is facing, it’s her opportunity to speak too if she wants to. Then work with them, see them as a way of getting support and help for your daughter. Tell the SW exactly the challenges you’ve had getting help for your DD, write it all down in advance if that helps.
Maybe you’re missing out on benefits or support for your older daughter. You pay for SS through taxes so they should be there to help you.

Very simply they need to speak to the child without them being influenced by the parent in the room.

Just being there is an influence.

Unfortunately, getting an ASD diagnosis does not unlock additional help. Unless your child also gets an EHCP that would give access to alternative schooling - but I assume they would be past that age at that time.

If child with suspected ASD has unmet needs - you need to figure those out now with ASD parenting courses etc, not wait for a diagnosis that won’t actually change anything

To SW you may be.They need the full picture. Take advantage, by interviewing both SS will see the difficulties you all face and hopefully that will result in some positive changes.

I've been on both sides of this
As a teenager I tried to kill myself,and my mother told social services a pack of lies ,and the social worker did not ask to see me alone ,she spoke to me In front of a parent,and I couldn't be honest,then they closed the file
But that was in the 1980s
So it sounds like things are better now ,and children should be spoken to individually,away from parents.
As a parent myself,we had social services involved due to my eldest violence due to his autism.the social worker spoke at length to each child in the home in private .
As it should be ..
Social services are not there to catch you out ,,we did eventually get some help .
You could ask for your child to be placed under the children with disabilities team.from there they can assess your child and you can have a certain number of hours of help.
We got 9 hours of paid help a week ,it was supposed to be via a support worker.
Unfortunately for us ,in this area ,they couldn't then find a support worker to take the 9hours on ,so we ended up with a care agency,that were used to giving medication and getting people out of bed and dressed ,not working with a autistic teenager ..
So we did get help ..it just wasn't the right help.
But they tried .
Seriously,don't worry, social services are there to help ,

So has the child been to the doctors about autism?

Your child has severe learning disabilities. They are entitled to a third party. Not sure about the other one. It can't be you

That’s illogical, surely you can see it.? It doesn’t mean help isn’t available now things have reached this level and it’s clear you are not doing fine.

I don’t understand why you’re so angry dismissive and defensive? Now they are coming into help, why is this not a relief?

school has referred. We saw the GP but locally, the referral from a GP is not accepted. So school have done it. No doc has seen them about their ASD as the waiting list is 6 years long. I don't understand what is not to understand? how do you think it works? you get referred and then for years - nothing - until you get an assessment.

Look why are you on here if you’re just going to lash out at anyone who asks a question. Is there a back story here in terms of how you are coping; as this isn’t right at all.

The social worker doesn’t know you aren’t an abusive parent. That’s the point. If you’re a good mum and not abusive you have nothing to worry about. The social worker is just doing their job and making sure everything is covered.

my stress levels are through the roof. I am providing 24/7 suicide watch. I have to sleep next to DC2 now. DC1 is struggling, my work is putting me under pressure for office attendance, I have no family, no friends and no support network. and now finally, after shit hit fan SS crawl out of the woods to investigate me. I mean, what not to like?

They are not investigating you?

OP, what do you think might happen if they do speak to DC alone?

@Nuthatches I'm so sorry your DC (and all of you) are in this situation. Social work will be following a standard protocol where they need to provide all children with a space to speak to them without a parent - it's not personal against you, it's almost certainly just that they have to follow procedure. I'd suggest asking for an independent 3rd party to be present for DC1 if possible, to provide support - do they have a support worker or someone else who could help with communication?

Had the same process when we went through this - it’s a safeguarding and MH check to ensure that your other child’s needs are assessed and catered for. Your other child will have been impacted by the attempt, they may be in deep emotional distress and need counselling and support. Am a little bemused that you can’t see this?

Then there is the fact that they need to double check that the reasons underlying the suicide attempt are not to do with parental neglect or abuse, ie that your other child is not also at risk. They can’t have that conversation with you present. They usually also see them in their bedrooms, so that they can assess them in a safe space and also see the level of care/cleanliness etc

Again, this is a pretty obvious step to take, a necessarily and common sense check, with a family where one child has attempted suicide and the other, statistically, may be at risk.

I was grateful that they cared enough to check on the wellbeing of my younger child and recognised the impact that everything older child was doing. Siblings of distressed mentally ill children are often overlooks and neglected by the system.

Embrace it as an opportunity to ask for more help - for both your kids. We had a wonderfully affirming report at the end of ours, a one to one youth worker in addition to being allocated a keyworker, and our younger child was ear marked by the GP for any additional support they might need whenever we called re their anxiety/migraines etc. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing.

DC1 cannot engage with this process. They will fund it stressful. DC1 has nothing to do with this whole thing. I just don't want them to get distressed for no reason. They find it hard to talk to strangers. it's stressful. and nothing can be gained from it. it's not like they are a typical child who can express themselves. The whole situation is stressful enough as it is.