Why would a SW need to interview children alone

[Nuthatches]

I have 2 DC (teens). DC1 with severe learning difficulties and DC2 with a host of severe MH issues (depression, anxiety, undiagnosed Asd (waiting list). DC2 attempted to commit suicide a few days ago. SW has been assigned. She called and says she needs to speak to both children alone. Why would she need to speak to DC1 who has nothing to do with the whole suicide attempt and doesn't understand what is going on in any case? Is this a child protection case?

You know you're not an abusive parent but the SW has to make sure.

The only way to find out is to ask the children without you being there.

I understand that you feel angry about this, but as you have nothing to hide, just let the SW do their job and interview the children.

They'll soon be satisfied that you're not abusing your DC.

When I was investigated because the school thought I had munchausens the SW had to interview the dc AND dh separately to me - it was fine I knew that if I let them do what they needed to it would be resolved quickly. They had to also inspect the whole house , it’s just what they need to do

If something was happening at home that was causing your other child severe distress and attempts at harm, then they need to also check the welfare of any other children in the household. They won't be trying to ask the kid if they knew why their siblings did what they did, but they will just ask about home life. How they personally are feeling etc.
They're not saying you're a bad parent, they're just doing their job. If they didn't interview the other child they could miss out certain important parts of the picture.
As you say, you've done nothing wrong. But your child is clearly struggling mentally so all they are doing is making sure everything is as it should be in the home.

Totally agree with this, OP.

Surely you understand that every abusive parent in history has denied being an abusive parent? As hard as it is, you need to let SS get on with their job. Try and view it for what it is, their process, rather then any judgement on you.

DC1 is only being “put through” anything if you create drama around this. Otherwise it should be seen as just another appt/session. Have someone you trust or DC1 knows be there for support.

Things are obviously very serious if DC has tried to harm themselves. Maybe the chat with SS will offer an insight or clue as to whats going on which has not been shared to date. ----

This is terrible advice.
Please don't listen to it.
I am child protection social worker, if you refuse to let the SW speak to child alone it will raise red flags to you hiding something
The SW will work with the cognitive impairment,
Sometimes a play therapist is utilised to support

SW stuff aside

1. make GP appointment, ask about Right to Choose ASD assessments - there's not many options now, but there's still a few
2. Apply for DLA for DC2 - use the funding for psychologist support for anxiety
3. Apply for EHCNA - you don't need a diagnosis, and the fact child is not attending school will help
4. Go on Local Offer page for your council and see if there are charities who can provide support
5. Ask if GP has a social prescriber - they can help signpost you to support IME better than the LA, but it's still not a magic wand and wait lists are awful

Your daughter's depression may actually be autism burnout. Symptoms look the same, but treatment is different. Child needs to recover and it can take months, essentially you take all pressure/decisions off them. I would bring my daughter's toothbrush to her, bring all food, brush her hair - it was like having a toddler again. But she did gradually improve.

I understand your frustrations at the lack of support. My daughter took an overdose in February, CAMHS still haven't assessed her. I used the DLA to get a private assessment and private medication. We have a family support worker who is next to useless, but I think it's the luck of the draw, my friend has a SW for her family who has been amazing. Hopefully you'll get a good one xx

From my experience it was less than 5 mins per child , they keep it age appropriate too. We also had to have a session where they were asked about worries and fears with me there and I found out after it was to see their reactions in my presence to certain questions and to monitor our interactions. It might seem and feel intrusive but they are highly qualified and trained. I was impressed how neutral the SW was as the school had made serious allegations yet she was calm and balanced and had an open mind. When it was concluded she helped us move schools by speaking to the admissions department

Given DC1’s disabilities, it appears that a SW could cause them some distress. As you have parental responsibility and the SW doesn’t, I would be inclined to say: start with DC2. If you still feel you need to speak to DC1 then we will discuss a safe way in which this can be done, with agreed parameters to ensure no harm is caused.

Just to add op there are circumstances where it might not be appropriate to interview a child separately but this assessment still has to go through a process - this extract might be useful to give you an idea of that process. Speak to the SW, express your concerns and work with them to move forward on this.

Yes they talked to my son and scared him he wet himself he was distressed they sent him back to class wet they then tried to talk to my one year old at nursery he was non verbal at the time 🙄 the staff said no to a one on one interview so she interviewed him with them their she then tried saying to them how concerned she was he couldn't talk and implied I was neglecting him staff pointed out he was under speech and language I had flagged it ages ago

I could have just had a clueless one there are a few about they were interviewed again years later (again about dad) and they allowed the eldest to be with the youngest to support him

SS crawl out of the woods to investigate me.

They are not investigating you.

Your child tried to commit suicide. They are investigating that in order to aide tidy what support is needed to keep him safe.

This is a good thing.

You might finally get done help.

Yes I was going to also say this - they may assign a disability social worker to help with a care package

As a PP said, SW intervention triggered extra support, probably of the kind you’ve been begging for. Look on it as another pathway for services to get a better understanding of you and your family and put some support in place.

You sound defensive, probably because you’re at the end of your rope and exhausted, but if this offers help and support in some way, won’t it be worth it? The SW will realise your DC1 isn’t able to understand what’s going on and DC2 might feel able to talk to someone outside school and family.

Sorry for the weird typos. On my phone.

They're not saying you're an abusive parent, it's just that they don't know that you aren't an abusive parent and need to be sure.

When I was 16 I tried to end my life. My Mum was there for everything - the talk with doctors, with the psychiatrist, and every single therapy session afterwards, where I insisted I was fine, I didn't mean it, it was an accident, I was happy at home etc. Because I knew what would happen if I told the truth with my Mum watching me the whole time. I was afraid, and because I never spoke to anyone alone, I never spoke up.

If you have ''Nothing to hide'' then there will be nothing at all to worry about when a social worker wants to speak to your children alone.

Of course they don't want a parent hovering, they want a child's natural reactions that could be impeded by the parent being in the same room.

So now we have two people claiming to be social workers disagreeing on if sw can speak to a child alone if the parent doesn’t consent.

we all know if the op refuses it will cause concern and likely result in court ordered, they won’t just say no worries and walk away. It will raise huge red flags.

Simply because they need to be sure they aren’t being coerced in what to say by anyone else. It’s no reflection on you as a parent, they don’t know you, it’s just standard policy. They also need to hear from the other DC to get their perspective, and find out how or if they have been affected

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Your mum should have given you the privacy and space to talk to these people by yourself.

They need to get a full picture as the family unit. It doesn’t reflect badly on you, it allows a safe place if needed

I’m a MH nurse. If you feel you can no longer manage at home, then ask for your child to be assessed under the Mental Health Act (this is sometimes known as “being sectioned”). A suicide attempt and still being suicidal will meet criteria for assessment-and likely a bed too, depending on the chance of potential harm to self, and especially so if the SW agrees. This may not be local but it does sound like you’re really struggling so may still be better than the current situation. Take care x

they harmed themselves because of severe MH issues. Probably rooted due to unmet needs for the undiagnosed autism

It could be that simple from the OPS beliefs, she knows her child best, but it might not be that.

From the little I know, a diagnosis doesn't mean that OP and her DC will suddenly get support. Many children diagnosed with ND/complex needs don't meet the criteria for EHCP.

Even if her child gets assessed by CAMHS asap, they may not diagnose her, it could be something else.

Plus, the fact that OP doesn't see how her other DC may be affected from this, means that OP may be so exhausted by the whole situation with caring for both children, means that she can't see it from an outside perspective.

There used to be a speciality of social work for disabled children and they would be a different team who understood that the vast, vast majority of parents caring for disabled children are frankly hero’s who need all the support and encouragement you can offer. Unfortunately with services cut to the bone disability social work is often done by child protection teams who rarely have a clue what they are doing and frequently make life more stressful for people who could do without it. It’s just another sign of our safety net as a society being extremely underfunded and antagonistic.

I’m sorry OP. Disabled children should be subject to these sorts of invasive, often stressful situations when there is no reason to suspect harm or neglect. I haven’t experienced this but I’m in the minority I think. I have spoken to hundreds of parent carers who have had to deal with an unhelpful at best, traumatic at worst social services in order to get some basic help for their kids. It’s a shameful way to treat people.

Please don’t hold out any hope that services will suddenly appear because of an autism diagnosis. In most areas camhs are not commissioned to provide post assessment support and there is a move to needs-led support services which require an understanding of need and not a diagnosis. A family assessment by the social worker will help with this, and it starts with speaking to everyone in the family.